The Twilight of Our Discontent
April 27, 2009 Unless you've lived under a rock for the past year or so, you know about the vampire lust phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before a bakery, in an attempt to appeal to the "I'll buy anything with Edward Cullen on it" crowd, decided to recreate the iconic book cover on a cake.
So here's the cover:
Aaaand here's the cake:
I'll give you a moment.
[whistling]
Ready? Back in your chair? Good.
Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?
Of course I can.
Do I mind that the apple is now a red bell pepper?
Nah, not so much.
Would I still like to know what the Wreckerator was smoking when s/he made those flabby-yet-disjointed amoeba arms?
[nodding] Yes, yes I would.
Kelly L., I know you have a stake in this, so I hope you won't be cross when I say looking at this bite-sized sucker is making me downright batty.
[bowing] That's five! Five puns! Mwah-ah-ah!
Reader Comments (233)
So, what's all the fuss about? Is this series about vampires? Werewolves? Apples as a vision supplement in one's twilight years?
Maybe someone will be kind enough to clue me in, as I am not a member of the Trendy Fad Book (or tv show, fashion, hairstyle, or cause) of the Month Club.
And I agree: that is most definitely a red pepper!
Wonder how it got stuck in that person's apparently very-diseased pelvic bones?! Huh.
=^??^=
Wow, you slay me.
:)
Don't get me started on the issues I have with the twilight series. My fried made me read ALL OF THEM.
I find the cake extremley wrecky (even though the cover design of the books are actually quite good, but in fairness I have to point out that hands are hard to draw and must be ever harder to pipe.
Of course there are a million ways to do it so you don't have to pipe the arms with no guidlines, but then they wouldn't acheive the same standard of wreckiness.
This might have been the work of an overzealous Twilight fan who was a little new in the bakery.
The beauty of it ended up being that the horribleness of this cake reflects the series perfectly ;-)
My high school art teacher said hands and feet are the hardest thing to get right - if you can accurately draw your hands and feet, you can draw anything.
A recognizable apple, however, shouldn't be especially difficult...
I'm 25 and LOVED the books (and can't even count the number of adults I know who've read and loved it!). I read the entire series in under 4 days! Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)
That being said.
This cake is HORRIBLE.
Laughable, but completely hideous. I'm beginning to wonder if some of these wreckerators are working blindfolded.
wv: marldsw. Definition of what happened to those arms.
I must be Twilight non-lover #9. I can't comment on how well written they are, as I've never picked one up to actually read it. I just know that it's one of the most trite storylines I've heard about since Dick and Jane Go to the Park. Except that Dick and Jane are *supposed* to be trite. And this is coming from someone who *did* like Anne Rice's Vamp books.
Nice pun-age! Too bad none of those puns have anything to do related to the Twilight vampires, but good job anyways!! :)
More like the Twilight Zone methinks...
I believe this is the most horrible copy I've seen since I started reading Cake Wrecks. I think she should sue for copywright infringement or something. Can she do that?
To the Courteous Chihuahua...what the #$@^%$ was that? As to the "cake" I HATE TWILIGHT since I was caught in the middle of a tween frenzie when the dvd came out in the bookstore and they had a party. Ugh! tweens should not be seen or heard after dark.
To Amy:
When did vampires become wholesome????
ashleyalvina said:
"...Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)"
There's a difference between quantity and quality, you know. Also, you suck at logic.
I feel the cake perfectly represents the horrible, horrible abomination to literature and mankind known as Twilight.
Other Twilight cakes (mixed good and bad)--http://www.sweetaustin.com/BreakingDawn.html, http://cowcakecreations.blogspot.com/2009/01/twilight-cake.html, http://www.afterthebite.com/2510820.
Why do I love this blog? Because two minutes ago I read James' story and cried (yes, here in my office), and then I scroll up and see this beauty and laughed my butt off. Fantastic.
This definitely makes my monday!
-Kelsey
http://insertidiomhere.blogspot.com
Black icing...geez. Seeing black icing reminds me of the time by printer's ink cartridge ruptured and the ink oozed out in a coagulated blob. It does not whet my appetite.
As for Twilight...it only took one paragraph for me to realize how crappy it was.
Oh, ...ick. I think childbirth is beautiful, but I don't want to see it on a cake. Am I the only one who sees "human birthing red bell pepper"? Push it back in.
Y'all should read Twilight before you knock it. They really are amazing books...and quite addicting. The cake? Not so much...
At least they spelled Twilight right, eh?
I usually read your blog from my handy dandy Google Reader but I absolutely had to commend you on your five-punned sentence. HURRAH!! :) Keep wrecking it up!
Sloth! The creatures name was Sloth!
*head desk*
My first reaction? Is that creature (blanking his name.. darn you brain!) from the Goonies holding the... you're right, Bell pepper?
So much for the covers being the only good things about the books. What's with those arms?
W-O-W!
I don't condone the use of that edible film with pictures on it (CHEESY), but in this case, they should have just taken a photo of the dumb book and placed it on a plain cake! I love cake, but I don't think I'd even eat this one...
Urgh. That actually pained me.
A cake that's as bad as the books and movie. Bravo.
I've never been more pleased with my current "under-the-rock" lifestyle than I am today. The first time I really heard of "Twilight" was 2 weeks ago when my friend (CSM at walmart) told me about the crowds & fights they had when...a book? Or something...Twilight-related, was released recently. I had to go home & Google it to find out what it was.
The books? I'm not even close to being interested. The cake? Almost looks NSFW. Looks like the natural sequel to the "pregnant tummy cake" a few months later....
That cake is the blackest kind of bakery blasphemy.
(Yes I read the damn books)
Knocked Up: The Cake
There's a Twilight ad running along the right side of this blog post (at least there was when I opened it).
HAHAHAHAHHA
Great entry. Gross arms.
Oh and jet black icing too. It probably tasted delicious - I'm guessing somewhere between ball bearing grease and drano.
I laughed. So hard. In class! Your fault! Kukukuku.
Nice to see I wasn't the only one thinking those arms looked more like legs, with the apple/pepper located....well, we all saw the picture. Nasty, in so many senses!
Becca
That's just wrong. On many levels.
Found it awfully funny to find this cake here and at a twilight blog...at the same time.
I agree that it is so sucky it almost looks like it's a CCC.
and maybe just maybe they were going for the "blood sucked out already" look...
I loved the series and I know that SM isn't that great an author but the story can suck you in.
I always appreciate a great wreck especially when it's all about a subject I have an interest in!
I was afraid when I saw the topic today because I had to do a Twilight cake for a customer a few months ago. Thank God it wasn't my cake that was on here! As soon as I saw what they wanted I said "I hope they don't expect it to look like the cover". I had to trace it from a projector onto a sheet cake (vertical, thank you very much) and then use gel and airbrushing. It turned out ok, especially now that I've seen this one! And yes, it is copywright infringement. I don't understand the wavy arms; just make them shorter. I didn't read the books although my 14 yr old niece loves them; I did see the movie unfortunately and it was horrible. Horrible. I don't understand the obsession with this series.
Am I the only one who thinks the arms look like amputated feet? Geeze.
Sorry guys, I don't think a book with such an amazing amount of purple prose can be called quality literature! And this goes for Twilight AND Anne Rice novels. :p
The cake... even the worst book doesn't deserve that!
BAaaaaahaha!!! You're so right about the red bell pepper...and we won't even go there on those scary, liquidy-looking arms
WOW...that's...um... really a lot of black frosting...
Jen, your scary laugh is actually starting to scare me ;o)
WV: dizippla...a nervous disorder exhibited by the Wreckerator of this cake...I think that 'splains it.
Thumbs up on the puns!
As for the cake — just expose it to sunlight and put it out of its misery.
I have to say, the main reason the arms suck is because they seem to have attempted to make the thumbs go above the apple. I`m sure the cake would have just fine if they`d actually followed the book cover. . . . or not. :)
Just because someone doesn't like a book doesn't mean it's trash, ya know....
I read and write historical romance novels for the most part, and most people make fun of the genre. Know what? a dag lot of work and research and creativity go into them. Just as with any book with any substance. I'm not talking bodice rippers or ones without any value to the written word.
Stephanie Meyer has one thing going for her - she's gifted in the art of description. Her characters and scenes come alive. If you don't like the story, so what? So it's not your thing. At least appreciate the fact that maybe, just maybe, you like a different genre that someone else might call "trash" for no other reason than they didn't like it or thought they wouldn't.
I thought I'd dislike these books. I was pleasantly surprised, much as I was with Rowling's works.
They're written for YOUNG people. Get a grip. They're supposed to be set in that mindset. Sure I don't agree with all of it - but I can appreciate a work of art without agreeing with all of it.
Just as with this blog - those who dislike it could call it "trash" or be mean about it - and they'd be wrong, correct?? Because just because you dislike something or don't agree with it doesn't mean it's wrong or useless.
At the very least, Twilight series got teenagers reading - OBSESSIVELY.
As for the cake - um, hmmm....is it abstract art, perhaps???
Black icing, a bell pepper, and skin removed from a tummy tuck.
Dee-licious. NOT.
My 20-something daughter actually knows of people who are currently in Vancouver BC (specifically Surrey) who have searched for the current filming sites, who hang out in Vancouver bars and restaurants looking for the actors, and who own several copies of the DVD—because there were different contents/features of the DVD when purchased from different outlets.
Yes I've read them and I am gobsmacked at how stupid the character of Bella is. She sets teenage girls/all women back 50 years with her stupidity and definition of what "love" is! I kept hoping someone would bite her and put ME out of my misery!
I want to see the teeth and mouth of the person who eats a piece of that cake with solid black frosting.
Ha! That cake is almost as bad as the books.
Almost.
In fact the cake is better than the books.
If I had a quarter for every child, tween and adult who has checked out the books from our library over the last year or so....
Haven't heard anything about them that really makes me want to try them, although I'm amused at the description of polite, wholesome young vampires(huh, might have been better friends than a lot of the folk in my high school ;) )
Anyway, this rendition is truly shudder-worthy. I cringed at the gnarled appendages and the thought of how long it would take *that* much black dye to leave your system.
Vampire puns FTW!
@ Becky:
Why assume that those that knock on it have not read it?
All those who I know that dislike the books, have read at least one of the books. Sorry, but the dislike comes from the books actually being crappy.
And that cake is terrible. I feel for whoever thinks they need to buy it....or eat it for that matter.