The Twilight of Our Discontent
April 27, 2009 Unless you've lived under a rock for the past year or so, you know about the vampire lust phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before a bakery, in an attempt to appeal to the "I'll buy anything with Edward Cullen on it" crowd, decided to recreate the iconic book cover on a cake.
So here's the cover:
Aaaand here's the cake:
I'll give you a moment.
[whistling]
Ready? Back in your chair? Good.
Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?
Of course I can.
Do I mind that the apple is now a red bell pepper?
Nah, not so much.
Would I still like to know what the Wreckerator was smoking when s/he made those flabby-yet-disjointed amoeba arms?
[nodding] Yes, yes I would.
Kelly L., I know you have a stake in this, so I hope you won't be cross when I say looking at this bite-sized sucker is making me downright batty.
[bowing] That's five! Five puns! Mwah-ah-ah!
Reader Comments (233)
Oh wow, I could make a better cake... and that's not saying much!
I'm saying it's a Van Gogh take-off on the book cover... very artsy, yes?
oh my, I love the Twilight books but there isn't enough money to get me to sink my teeth into this cake. It must have been made to repel Vamps, not to entice them. At least make it look faily human if you must recreate a bookcover.
Wow, that cake is almost as bad as the Twilight books themselves...
Maybe that's not really a representation of the Twilight cover. Maybe it's a representation of Renesmee's birth in Breaking Dawn. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.)
YES!!! more twilight wrecks please!!!
Copyright issues?
Not with those jellied arms - it's
slapstick parody!
Punny!
Quel humour... mordant!
Sweet sweet irony. Like the books (and the movie), this cake is a good idea poorly executed.
"O"
Call it flawed logic if you want to, but it's really a moot point.
Next time, I invite you to attach your name when you insult strangers for liking something you don't. Anonymity is a real safe place, ain't it?
ashley
"Here, honey! I got a "Twilight" cake for your birthday!"
"Yeah, Mom, I've always wanted a black frosted cake with an albino octopus's tentacles holding a squashed tomato. Gee, thanks."
--Blue Jean
Hey! The cake's just like the books! Wrecktastic!
I will admit to reading them, and relate them to Twinkies and trainwrecks- they have no substance (well, the Twinkies, at least), are bad for you, but you just can't look away from the carnage.
I am sooo glad I am not the only one that cant stand the series. If you want to read a great vampire series, try the queen of vampire novels Anne Rice or if you want a more contemporary series try Maggie Shayne.
Anyways the cake is awful and it just adds to my displeasure about the series.
Twilight? I thought it was a Simpsons cake featuring Grandpa Simpson offering a salad ingredient.
Wow, that cake is totally disgusting! Great job with the puns though!
I'm happy to add myself to the list of women who haven't read Twilight, and don't ever plan to. In my opinion it isn't the sucky sounding plot that makes these books annoying--as I don't really have problem with reading delightfully bad romance, even of the teen variety--but rather how obsessed the fans are. I have a cousin who is one of the obsessed fans. She wasn't much of a reader before, but now she refuses to read anything but Twilight, and she's read them all multiple times. Scary, huh? She also tries to convince everyone else to read the books, and she even tried to convince her sister to name her baby after a character from the book.
One last thing, did anyone else hear about sparkly vampires and think, "Wow, I didn't know those books were about gay vampires."?
What goes better with a dark, brooding vampire theme? Why cutesy, cheerful little dotty lettering, of course! (The heck???)
Fan of the series, yes.
This sad excuse for a cake, not hardly! How could you gag down something that looked that bad???
@kitty....YES! I was just about to mention Reneseme! I have to admit that breaking dawn was cringe-worthy, but still so bad it was good. The whole series is cringe-worthy but still a fun read for a whole weekend(yes that's all it takes is one weekend of being cooped up with seasonal allergies...to read the whole series). Let me tell ya though....If you look up Twilight and fanfic ....wholesome goes right out the window!
Ahaha, I don't know what's worse. The books or the cake.
"Eighty Year Old Woman Give Birth To Bell Pepper...exclusive photos only on cakewrecks!"
~Gwen B.
That much black icing frightens me. My sister made me some music note cookies once, with black frosting on sugar cookies. Can we say green poo for days? Ugh....
Agree with the comment that the books are like a train wreck. They aren't really that well written...yet I was compelled to read them all this past summer. The thing is, she had some good story ideas, but every time I thought "oh, this would be GREAT" she left that to side-note filler. It's good idea, bad execution basically.
I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! AND THE LIGHT SAYS TWILIGHT SUCKS! *Gets sucked into the light to read good literature and eat cake*
I bow before your superior skills of punnery.
It was decorated by Vincent Van Gogh! It's all wobbly and impressionistic in a bizzare sort of way.
The puns were fantastic! And I think the saddest part is that the wreckerator didn't even get the font remotely, even a tiny bit, correct.
This cake makes me want to throw up a little bit. But, then again, so do the books. Maybe it's not a coincidence?
Meyer just proves that you don't need to actually have talent to make millions, you just need to know how to manipulate the insecure teenage girl hiding in everyone. That's not genius, IMHO.
And neither is this cake. WTF with black frosting? Yuck!
Excellent Punnage!!!
Brava!!
Um...why do cakes always have to be decorated "landscape"? If the decorator would have turned the cake long ways, she could have made the arms longer and the apple rounder. That's what I'm just going to keep telling myself anyway.
I admit I do love Twilight, but this cake, not so much!
I thought it looked like a uterus, but on second glance, yeah, that's a bell pepper.
(and yes, the books are bad but in a hilarious way. I plan to finish them at the beach this summer.)
Actually, I think that cake is an excellent visual representation of the literary quality of the books.
Yep. They're that bad.
On a side note, the other day my husband and I rode the 101 loop, which goes through Forks, WA. I knew we were approaching Forks before I ever saw the sign, because businesses started to have references to Twilight several miles out of town.
"Edward Cullen did not sleep here," at a motel.
"Bella drinks orange crush!" at a mini-mart.
Once in town, there's even a Twilight store. They apparently sell Twilight books and memorabilia. I suppose the lure is that you can buy the books and memorabilia IN Forks? Because, omg, Bella lives there!
My friend linked me to just the picture of the cake at first. Had it not been for the word "Twilight" at the bottom, I would've so thought it was some deformed genitalia or something equally awkward to be on a cake. That's not even meant to be rude, it's just the first thing I saw.
Yay puns.
maybe they should've done it vertically :/
I'm with Ophelia and DangGina: an awful cake befitting a truly awful book.
The cake and your comment made me LOL!
This cake bites...THEN it sucks.
I know this is the internet, so you don't have to believe me when I say I am 17 and dislike Twilight with a passion. So these were almost knee-jerk reactions:
"Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)"
So, what do you think about Stephen King (an extremely well-known "genius" writer) saying that she, ahem, "can't write worth a darn?" For that matter, are you a world-renowned cook? No? Does that mean you can't tell the difference between limp, soggy sandwiches and well-cooked gourmet food?
"They're written for YOUNG people. Get a grip. They're supposed to be set in that mindset."
I'm sorry, but I would like to say that that comment hurts me and says a lot about how bad my generation must be. Wow. I feel even worse for our children/your grandchildren.
"At the very least, Twilight series got teenagers reading - OBSESSIVELY."
I guess it's better than not reading Twilight 24704723814392 times.
Anyway, forget the teeth and gums. Anyone else think the person had black poo for a week? At least it's not sparkly poo.
A. i just rolled off the bed
B. this is the most comments ive seen in awhile on a post.
C. i got into twilight before new moon even hit shelves. ( im an original fan) and ive been wanting to see twilight cakes for awhile. my curiosity has been satisfied and i never want to see another.
the arms will give me nightmares for weeks.
Square yards of black icing??? Imagine what your tongue and lips would look like after eating that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=celWfXjhc3Y
kind of interesting.
Maybe it's just because I'm expecting and I go to the OB/GYN a lot, but doesn't that kind of look like... well, um.... Maybe... uh, minutes after the baby is born?
Yeah, I went there.
It's all I see though! Welcome to my hell.
This looks more like the delivery of a red bell pepper.....eeewwwwww
My first thoguht was that it looks like a uterus and Fallopian tubes! Ooh, the black teeth and tongues! Are the books trash or treasure??? I'd call them "junk food" - we all like it, but it's no good for a steady diet! (and yes, the series is disgusting!)
LOL!
My wife is both a "Twilight" nut and an avid cake-baker. She's gonna love this! :-)
why are the arms all veiny?? thats very disturbing.
It looks like feet holding a red bell pepper!
I tuned hoping to see some Mother's Day wrecks... just hoping... hinting... nudging even, maybe!
this deserves no input from all twilight fans you know its a good im sorry the best story ever told no need to tell ppl who cant read how good a wast of your own breath move along if there wasnt any ppl who dont like twilight then we would all be smart and thats no fun so let there be idiots and let there be twilighters
the cake is gross tho some ppl should look at what there doing what a disgace to twilighters
OMG TRAINWRECK! I wouldn't have even thought those were arms if you hadn't said.