A Long Shot
October 5, 2009 This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.
Why?
Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:
"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."
Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*
If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:
What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!
No?
Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:
What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?
- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart
* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)
Reader Comments (547)
Cake Wrecks brightens my day every day. I am a teacher, and I check it mid day during my prep period. It gives me a laugh and a little perspective to help ready me for my afternoon classes full of eager (well, maybe not eager, per se) eigth graders. It is a goal of mine that no student who spends a year with me in language arts will become a future wreckerator.
I mean, a girl can dream!
Best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery!
Dear John,
Stay positive, don't let the nurses and docs give you any crap, and make sure they bring you some snacks. Here is joke for you:
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
FISH!
I hope the both of you get well soon.
Hey, Jen and John-
So sorry that you guys had to cut your tour short! But as you said, when you wreck a tour, you don't go half way ;)
Hope you feel better soon, John- and here's a joke to liven your mood:
An Englishman, an Irishman, and an American are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building drinking Guiness, when the American turns to the English one and says:
"You know, last week I discovered that if this Guiness makes you fly! The English guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in Guiness makes you fly!"
"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the
> street below. All the sudden, he swoops straight up, flies around the building three times, and lands back on his bar stool. He meets the Englishman again, who is astonished.
"Well, what the heck," the English guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward -
rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ....his body hits the sidewalk with a loud "splat."
Back upstairs, the Irishman who had been silent the whole time turns to the American, and shakes his head. He says, "You know, Superman, you're a real arse when you're drunk."
The End :)
Wow, I hope y'all get better soon!!!
I'm so sorry to hear that John is going through that. I hope he recovers soon, and completely.
Hi Jen & John,
I'm another longtime reader & first time commenter! I just wanted to pass along my prayers for a speedy recovery, and post a little quote to cheer John up:
"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen!"
-Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Oh my gosh. My thoughts are with John for a quick recovery, and with you for peace and calm with all the stress and worry. Pneumonia and staph infection are no joke. (Plus a head injury? Yikes.)
You guys deserve all the most beautiful "Get Well Soon" Sunday sweets in the world.
Oh, and here's the joke the nurse told me this morning while she was giving me my flu shot:
Knock knock.
(Who's there?)
Little old lady.
(Little old lady who?)
I didn't know you could yodel!
A true classic, that one.
Wow...I saw the first one and thought "they're in the land of sexy panties?", saw the second one and said "Ewww Jen's uterus dried up" My brother in law is from Texas..can't figure him out either ROFL
Take care of yourself and John, I think we can live without wrecks for a while...actually it'll give everybody more time to find wrecks *g*
the first 2 look like the Health teacher's chalkboard sketch of a uterus. I'm glad that you can still find humor in this unfortunate situation. God Bless!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hopefully next tour you can come up to Canada!
I've had pneumonia before, it was awful. I can't imagine being sick in others ways on top of that. Hope John gets well soon.
We hope that he recovers fully and quickly. Good luck.
Critical? OH MY! Please do get better soon. You both are SO dear to all of us. That you could give us all a laugh at a time like this, WOW! However, as someone who lived through a ruptured appendix (and two surgeries needed to clean the mess), I KNOW that laughter can truly help when you're low. Bless you for all you (Jen and John) do to make this world a bit brighter.
On a slightly different note, I must admit that I saw womens' panties with the first cake. Then I thought, "They are in their undies?" Why not, if your sick, right? Of course, if John is in womens' panties, you may have even MORE reasons to be worried about him!
Get well soon!
-WM
Hee-hee...wrecked the Wreck tour...
Sorry, I know it's not funny and I hate that John is sick in Texas. We have so much more to offer ya'll than that! Love the site, wanted to come to the Dallas signing but my son has pneumonia this week, too. I'm going to get the book for myself for my birthday, though!
My sister just sent me this funny and I'm sharing:
In Memoriam
With all the sadness going on in the world at the moment, it's worth reflecting on the passing of an important person, whose death went virtually unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.
Love from Amy in North Richland Hills
Thoughts and prayers going out to John and Jen. How sweet you are Jen, to appologize for having to cancel the tour. You don't have to appologize. Speedy Recovery John!
i thought the first two pics were uteruses!
fell better guys. i hope texas is terating you well.
Warm, wrecky well wishes from the Pacific Northwest. Missed you guys in Portland because I'd just had surgery. Hope John gets better soon and you take care of yourself as well.
Oh goodness!! I hope John feels better soon.
My condolances to John and you and well. I hope he feels better.
I saw the Longhorns symbol right away. But what they hell is up with the strawberries and shotgun shells?!? I lived in Texas for 2 years and NEVER saw anything that bizarre!
Joke for John:
Per God's instructions, Noah loaded up all the animals onto the ark, 2 by 2. When the rain stopped, he opened the doors to the boat to let them out, admonishing them to "be fruitful and multiply" -- just as God had ordered.
Taking one last look around the ark, Noah saw two snakes huddling in the corner. "What's wrong?" he said to the serpents."Go forth! Be fruitful and multiply, just like God said!"
"We can't," said the snakes.
"Why not?" asked Noah.
"Because we're adders."
Sorry to cause you more pain with that one!
TLC
Poor John, prayers for a quick reecovery. Wrecking oneself is not funny one little bit. Now as for the Cakes du jour....I was thinking John & Jenn are in a uterus, no wait a burned uterus, then of course you gave it away with the picture of an actual long horn uterus. God Bless you guys and no more unfunny business.
Adele
Take care of yourselves you two!
Praying for you,take care and God Bless.
wow, i really hope it's all goiing to get better from here on.
word verification Diedd, ...well let's not go there
Dear Jen and John, My goodness, I don't visit your site for a few days and look what happens!!! All my best to you both; hugs and prayers and healing energy ... so you'll soon be actively pursuing those sloppy cakes and other "creative endeavors" in the cake decorating trade. ~ Deborah in California
I'm sure everyone would understand if you took a break from posting, but it's great you have the time and energy to bring us these wrecks.
I've been a Cake Wrecks reader for a good while now, and I finally had to comment, if only to join the chorus: I hope John recovers soon and I wish you both all the best.
Isn't it nice to know that so many people care about you guys? But John needn't have gone to all this trouble to force it out of us! All he had to do was ask. Sheesh!
My favorite joke!
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires!
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks!
Hahahahaha hoooo weee! (Wiping tears from my eyes!) Take care, both of you.
But seriously. You guys take care and I am sending out all of my good vibes and saved up karma in your direction.
I think you two are just allergic to Texas and Longhorns - come next door to Oklahoma and the Cowboys, and we'll be sure to treat you far better!
My prayers for a speedy recovery are with you.
~Rachel
I couldn't think of a joke that wasn't off-color to include in my get-well wishes yesterday, but I just remembered this which made me laugh when I first read it. Maybe you all will get a chuckle out of it...
http://badgods.com/shamblingmound.html
Still praying for you all and sending healing energy from Japan.
I hope John gets better. *Yells out "Get better John"*
Wishing John the quickest recovery possible. (And you, too, Jen..yikes). Hope you're both much, much better very soon.
Quick! Write a post for later this week that says "Wow! John made a miraculous recovery. The hospital is now wondering if he is from another planet since he healed so spectacularly."
Use that foreshadowing to your advantage.
Get better soon
I'd be lying if I said that you guys would be in my prayers because I am an atheist, but I am so sorry to hear about this, I hope everything is ok. My thoughts and wishes are with you.
It is all to easy to forget that behind humour blogs are real people. Be ok.
xx
in my continued thoughts and prayers... God speed to recovery!
Oh Jen,
so sorry to hear about your misadventures in Dallas. Prayers and healthy thoughts are headed John's way.
Best wishes thanks for the update and the wrecks.
Here's a joke:
What's the difference between the swine flu and the bird flu?
With the swine flu you need oinkment and with the bird flu you need tweetment.
Hope that silly joke gave you a little smile in exchange for all the belly laughs you have given me!
Sharon
Oh goodness, that does not sound at all good. Please keep us updated. What is the prognosis? I hope you are finding a way to keep your humor. I'm sure you both could use it right now. Thinking of you.
I really thought that first cake was underwear.
John, I'm sorry to hear that you're in critical condition. I hope you recover soon. Something to quell your boredom:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
Thinking about you both in Iowa -- we love your work here, too. Get well! And now here is my favorite joke for you that never fails to get even the junior high kids giggling on Beggar's Night. (In Des Moines, the kids have to tell a joke on Beggar's Night which is the night BEFORE Halloween. No idea why.) Anyway:
Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the Cement Wall?
A: Dam!
Just pray that John does not have CA MRSA in the Texas sized variety. I am assuming the Blunt Head Trauma was when he "fell out" due to the hypoxemia from the pneumonia and hypotension.
You and John need the constant stream of Cake Wrecks now more than ever. Laughter does indeed release various factors that help with our health.
The other lesson here - more hand sanitizer or hand washing. (All that buttercream and fondant are wonderful media for buggers.)
Sending my healing thoughts to John (and to you). I hope all is well very, very soon!
a long time, silent reader.
Viva Cake Wrecks!
what does that last one have to do with longhorns? i'm lost!
thats great.
laughing my face off!
a big "get well" to both of you.
and i'm so sorry that my very first comment on your blog (that i've been reading forever) has to be this way.
in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way...
~~paula
laughing my face off!
Totally uteri!
I'm not a Twitterer but just for you, I peeked, and am glad to see good reports!
Here's one of my few jokes. My now 14-year-old loved it -- when she was three.
Q: What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A: Hot cross bunnies!
One day at a time, and hang in there! Lots of good thoughts and mojo coming at you both, especially John!
So sorry to hear of John's hospitalization. I hope he is better soon!!
No worries about the tour, you just focus on getting you both better.