A Long Shot
October 5, 2009 This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.
Why?
Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:
"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."
Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*
If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:
What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!
No?
Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:
What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?
- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart
* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)
Reader Comments (547)
I thought the first one was a pair of panties. Now THAT would have been delicious.
I will keep you both in my thoughts! Get well soon John!
Seriously, how are you not freaking out? We're in the neighborhood, need anything?
The trouble with writing a humor blog is that when you write things like "John has a head injury, pneumonia and a staph infection" readers(me)think "hmmm,that's not really that funny", then are horrified to realize it's true! Geez, you guys, get well quickly! Healing thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.
I pray John makes a full recovery and soon! I love your work and come here on a daily basis but I rarely comment. I had to today to show my love and support!
Melissa
I hope John's on the mend soon. And you know they're all right that it's O.K. if you drop the ball on the blog for a little while. If we haven't been in that kind of hospital situation, we know we don't want to be!
Sending well wishes for both of you...and hoping your own ailment was fleeting, Jen.
A lame joke for John...because my mom was a Texas Longhorn and my dad an A&M Aggie...
Q: Why did the Aggie check out only one book from the school library?
A: The rest had all been colored in already.
I am so sorry you both got sick! I'm hoping that John's bloodwork comes back clear soon.
And those 'Horns cakes have to have been made by Aggie fans...;)
I'm so sorry to hear you're both ill. Very best wishes to you both (you do us all such a lot of good by giving us a dependable laugh or three or ten a day, and I hope it all rebounds on you.)
This is a New England accent joke:
Q. What do you call a blind doe?
A. No i-dee-yah.
WV: biono. Said out loud, the noise the microbes will make as they flee you and John, never to return. "Bye-oh-noooooo!"
Wow, sorry to hear about all your troubles. I don't think I ever commented here before, but I want you both to know that yet another random dude out on the internet reads Cake Wrecks often and gets a lot of laughs. I hope you both get well soon, and thanks for the hours of laughs.
I've been reading for a while now, hope John gets well soon!
I knew about the pneumonia & the staph infection but when did the head injury happen & what kind of hospital are you in?!
Sending lots of prayers & good thoughts your way. It sounds like you need them!
So very sorry to hear about your husband's unexpected illness. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Take good care of him and yourself...your loyal readers will still be here!
De-lurking to say these cakes brought nothing to mind so much as diseased or mutilated uteri. Sick, I know. Apropos: Get well wishes to John!
praying for you all to heal quickly. So sad for you that the tour had to be canceled!! As a Sooner, I especially appreciated these Texas wrecks ;o)
I'm so sorry to hear that the wrecking has left the cakes and wrecked itself upon those that support all wrecked baked goods. Please take care!
Oh my goodness- best wishes to John and hopes for a speedy recovery.
I am so sad to hear that John is still in the ICU.
You are both in my prayers.
Here's a joke that you might find funny:
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - "These men have jobs".
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - "These men have jobs and love kids".
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - "These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking".
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework".
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak".
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - "You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please".
I really hope that you are feeling better, and that you get on your feet really soon
Take care, my prayers are with you
Thinking about you guys today. and Sending prayers. And going to the kitchen to make a cake.
Git We'll Son, JOhN & Jin. (Can't figure out how to wrekc that up worse...)
That was funny. Thanks for the update. I'm really sorry you had to cancel the rest of the tour!
I just wanted to say that it takes a serious hardass to keep posting regularly while her husband is in the ICU.
My hat would totally be off to you if I wore a hat, and I hope you both feel better soon.
Get better John...seriously, the cakes will all still be here when you get out and get back home. (Travel is way over-rated.)
So sorry to hear about John! If you need anything please let me know as I am in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.
Anyways, just thought you would find it funny that we do siggy challenges on theknot.com on our local board and this week/last week the challenge was worst cake wreck from your site! If you want to check out what some of us have chosen feel free :)
http://tinyurl.com/d2gb3
Love your site! It provides laughter always!
-Rachel
get better, both of you. best wishes to John!
If you are going to do something, you might as well do your best. And if anyone knows wrecks, it's you guys.
I frequently lurk around your blog, I'm sorry to hear of your illness. Sending well-wishes and good thoughts in your direction!
Oh my gosh, that's horrible. I hope John feels better soon!
Our family is praying for your family. Get well John!
Hope you both recover quickly! I'm a huge fan and LOVE your blog.
Catherine E.
Thoughts and prayers are with you both from the coastal southland. Hoping to hear wonderful news about John soon, and also that you are holding up well too Jen!
Just think of the wreck that is begging to be created to memorialize this trip, ONCE IT IS DONE!
Speedy recovery to both of you!
I'm sad to say after my initial thought of uterus passed I immediately recognized those cakes as longhorns. I blame that on the fact that I live in Austin.
I wish a speedy recovery to you and John, Sad you didn't make it down here to the capitol, but there's always next time, right?
My thoughts and prayers are with you and John. Best of luck to him for a speedy recovery.
Wow... and I thought my week was bad. Hoping you get out of that crazy shotgun strawberry state and back to making fun of cakes.
I hope this "detour" doesn't skew your opinion of The Great State of Texas. We fans are rootin' for your speedy recovery!!
As for today's post, I can only hope that there is equal wreckage out there for Aggies, Red Raiders, and Sooners, and that we will be seeing them veeeerry soooon...
Head injury too? Poor John! What are we going to hear about tomorrow? Good lord! Jen, I hope you're done kneeling to the porcelain Buddha... Seeing your loved ones sick can be so gut-wrenching. Ho-o!
It's nice to see that serious illness is all it takes to bring your blog-stalkers out of the woodworks! Well played, you two!
Seriously though. I'm praying hard for you two. Your presence on this Earth brings so much joy to so many people that you just need to get well, OK? You have a big calling.
John and Jen,
We missed you in Austin, but know that our hearts and thoughts are with you. Please get well soon, John.
Sandy
Ok.... I thought the red one was a red thong... and that's about as tasteless as a CCC (ptooie!) can get! Yeesh.....
*deep breath* OKAY . . .
All the best to John. I hope you are feeling better.
You are amazing to get any post out at all.
Much love.
Oh NO! Prayers and hugs for you both!
Please take time to focus on your poor hubby-the tour and the postings can wait. When he decides to get sick he really means it! Healthy thoughts to you both!
OMG! I can't believe ya'll got so sick here in Texas. I truly feel terrible for you and John** Apparently, the border guards decided to unleash a biological weapon of mass illness throughout the state to make sure anyone, native resident of the state or not, is suffering from a crippling viral and/or baterial infection. Obviously, the CDC has been cautioned not to let this information get out so people won't stop travelling*
Longherns Rule!!!!
*this is strictly my own convoluted theory that may in fact be true, or not. But just like the whole JFK and Hoffa mysteries, we may never hear the real version of the truth.
**Until then, my thoughts go out to you and John and fervently wish you much better health in the future.
A cake wreck joke...
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says, “Put ‘You’re not getting older,’ at the top and ‘You’re getting better’ at the bottom.”
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
“You’re not getting older at the top, You’re getting better at the bottom.”
John, get well soon (don't eat the hospital food, maybe that will speed things up). Don't hesitate to post if there's some way us wreck-fans can help!
I am so sorry to read John is in the hospital. I hope he makes a quick recovery. All my best, J
ugh. disgusting. i'm actually sick to my stomach today (other reasons) but then seeing CW2....I need to go now.
I've been a fan for ages but never commented before - thanks for brightening our lives with the cake wrecks! Really hope he's better soon; take care of yourself as well.
Honestly? I thought the first one was a screwed up mouth and some sort of a dentist cake. Either way.. not right.
HEAD INJURY? You didn't tell us about a HEAD INJURY! Ay yi yi.. can't take him ANYWHERE!!
Hope you are both feeling better and that JOhn improves soon! Care to use your psychic powers of cake to schedule me an engagement? lol
**hugs to you both**
glad to see the sense of humor has not been sidelined by a little ol' sickness. still praying for you both to recover soon!
terri
I'm so sorry that John is so ill. I hope that he has a quick recovery.
Okay, glad Scott said that because I thought it was a uterus, too.
Prayers for a speedy recovery.
I have been reading this blog for a long time but have never commented before. I'm sending get well dust and doing the hokey pokey that John is well soon.