A Long Shot
October 5, 2009 This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.
Why?
Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:
"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."
Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*
If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:
What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!
No?
Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:
What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?
- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart
* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)
Reader Comments (547)
I really hope John gets better soon! Uterus cake always makes me all better:D
Thinking about you guys! Feel better soon!
I am so sorry for what you two are going through. I work in a hospital (and am planning to study to be an RN), and I see enough cases like John's to know they aren't easy to deal with. Please take care of yourself, and don't worry, your fans are behind you both 250%! Much love and sunshine from this Cali girl!
~Andrea
I'm so amazed you're still posting despite everything going on! I hope John feels better soon, and thanks for the tribute to Texas. :)
Your loyal fans will be here when you get back from sick leave. But please do get better!
Is there anything else we can do besides send good wishes your way? Can we water the plants? Feed the cat? Take in the mail?
Please know that we're all pulling for both of you.
Seeing that you are both nerds,this pic will make both of you laugh:
http://slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2009/whydogsbitepeople.htm
I'm looking at my cat right now and trying to figure out a Halloween costume...uhmmmm..
Celia
Dear Universe,
Please stop putting the husbands of some terrific women in the hospital, in critical condition. It was bad enough you did it to me, but I guess that gave you the idea it's OK. It is NOT OK, hear me? Now make John and Joe all better, or I will kick you in the shins.
Your disgruntled friend, Eva
How to Wreck Book Tours:
Step One - husband gets pregnant.
Um. Step Three - Profit!
Here's hoping that South Park references aren't too out of left field for ICU-inflicted individuals.
OMG, please take care of yourselves. Honestly, we'll buy the book. You don't have to go on a tour. Seriously!
Head injury??? John, dude, just let the nice nursie take your blood- flailing will only cause additional harm!
John and Jen,
Hope you're both back on your feet again soon! I've been reading for a while but haven't commented before this. My thoughts are with you.
A joke (it's an old one, but made me laugh):
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it.
If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so s he asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?'
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What happe ned?'
The you nger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time,'
'GOD is missing, and they think we did it!
Just a lurker here, but just wanted to say:
You've got lots of people out here sending you guys warm thoughts of love and strength. I've been thinking about you guys, and I hope the situation improves soon. Please be well, and know that you are much loved.
Once again, your amazing sense of humor is with you, through thick and thin! Sending love and fervent prayers for John's full and speedy recovery. Cakewreck fans everywhere care!
Laura in Oregon
I will add my prayers for a speedy recovery. I appreciate so much the laughter and pleasure you bring to my day.
John, one heck of an
incapacitated Wreck.
But hey - nice balloons.
I'm praying for you and John. And hoping this terrible string of events doesn't horrifically taint your feelings towards my home state.
My prayers are with you both.
I'm no good with jokes, but I can be punny!
okay, maybe not, but I try!
JEN! So sorry! John!! Get well soon!! Thats terrible!!
Hope ya'll will feel better! Take care and get better!
Raleigh, NC
I saw a uterus in that second one too! It's surprisingly anatomically correct (even without ovaries).
All the best to you and John. I'm wishing him a speedy recovery. Twitter tells me that he's out of ICU now so that's a start!
I just had to drop by again and let you guys know I'm thinking about you!
John, there is a great web site that does a hospital food bingo, kind of fun to check out...if you aren't having to eat the hospital food...never mind! Don't go there! ;)
I hope you are feeling better soon! Take care!
Aw, I hope you guys feel better. Post soon so that we know you're alright!
Best wishes to John for a full and speedy recovery. I can't believe the two of you can keep your sense of humor during this, it is clearly keeping you going.
Rest up and get better!
Jen & John: Just concentrate on getting well, a tour can always be rescheduled! But this world will be poorer without the Perfect Pair of Propagating Puns!
So, to cheer you up, here's some corny jokes!
How do you catch a Unique Rabbit? You 'neak up on him!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way! You 'neak up on him!
How did the elephant hide in the cherry tree?
By painting his toenails red!
How can you tell an elephant has been in your kitchen?
By the peanut butter on his breath!
Jen, try this one on John:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow!
Interru---
MOOOOOOO!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Elephino!!
OK, that should be enough to have you shaking your heads in what I wish was laughter...at my jokes, that is...
Get better! Tons of well-wishes going out to you!
I wanted to check in before I want to bed. Hoping that no news is good news and hoping for really good news in the morning.
Take care,
Kathleen
I'm a long time fan of your site, I've even got my boyfriend hooked! Everyday we cannot wait to see the newest cake disaster (or Sunday Sweet!) We are both so very sorry to hear of John's illness and the cancellation of the tour. I'm sure you were looking forward to it as much as we all were! You are in our thoughts and we wish you both a speedy recovery.
PS - are the wrecks bigger in Texas?
Jen, best wishes to John for a speedy recovery
I've kept up with your blog for several months now, but only commented once before I think. I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and John. I hope things get better soon!
Oh terrible news about John! (and I too, am curious about the head injury - did he see a cake wreck and started ROTFL? Anyhow, in case you're wondering how we become addicted to Cake Wrecks, here's a short video on classical conditioning - it proves things can be learned with the proper feedback (e.g. laughing so hard every day!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo7jcI8fAuI
Get Well Soon! Tina
Just sending healing thoughts to you both...and thinking about the ridiculous range of get well cake-wrecks this sort of situation might inspire.
Get well soon!
I've never posted before, but I had to - that's awful! Staph is no joke. So sorry, John.
Hope this helps. It's more of an out-loud kind of joke. You have to say the punch line like the cliched music in a porn movie.
"What are the two dirtiest animals in the barnyard?"
"I don't know. Who?"
"Brown chicken brown cow."
Feel better!
Jody
It was so good to meet you guys in Denver and I hope John gets better soon!
So sorry to hear your plans have been derailed. I hope health finds you soon!
Maybe a bad joke will help heal:
What do Vegetarian Zombies eat?
Graaaiins! Grains!
Thank you for frequently making me smile!
Oh man, that is terrible news! I hope you both recover completely and quickly.
Feel better!
Critical? Holy crap. I am trying very hard to think happy thoughts for you both. Get better soon, John!
Hi there, I've been a loyal reader for a couple months since I learned of this site. Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you guys and best wishes for John's recovery. If you happen to be in the Waco area, let me know if you need anything!
God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he would make cakes.
Then the devil thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he would make CCCs!
Kinda lame, but it is late for me! Prayers for you both. Very worried, please post updates! See it took John being in the ICU for me to make my comment debut on CakeWrecks! Take care!
I hope things get better for you both soon!
As for those cakes, I was sure the first one was a pair of panties.
Praying for you guys. Get better!!
I don't know... that second cake looked more like the world's nastiest thong panty than the Longhorns logo to me.
I'm not the type to reply to blogs but I am just so sorry to hear you both are sick! Your site was my first ever rss subscription. Thank you for showing me how funny and fun the internet could be! While you guys are sick and bored, I hope I can repay you even a little for all the great laughs you have given me--this link made me laugh myself silly for over an hour yesterday!
http://www.reddit.com/tb/9q66a
(beware, there is profanity)
You both are in my prayers with love.
--SoCal Amy
Awww. Being critically ill is no fun. Being critically ill on a big book tour is the worst. In the spirit of the worst, here are my begged, borrowed, and stolen worst jokes ever:
Why can't hippos run for government?
That would be hippocracy.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call two guys hanging from a window?
Kurt n' Rod
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing. He won't come anyway.
That's it.
Best wishes on getting better. I really love your website.
I was like "Oh Wow, the Fallopian Tubes finally have a team now! Awright!" I was sorely disappointed.
Maaan! Here I am, native Austinite, out of the state for university, all set to have someone go to Book People so I can live vicariously through them and then BAM. Tragedy strikes. Sheeeesh. You guys need to stop making grim jokes in your posts since so far they've all manifested themselves into flesh.
The only thing that would have made those wrecks better would have been if the Longhorn was upside down. (That is how rival teams show disrespect to the University of Texas. And remember, Bevo makes the best burgers. heh heh)
On to the jokes:
Q: Which side of the fish has more scales?
A: The outside!
Q: What kind of bread messes up your picnic?
A: Awry! (Get it? A rye? Ha... oh, never mind...)
Q: What do you call a deaf dog?
A: It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway!
Hoo boy, these are bad. Get well before I am forced to send more!!!
first pic, I saw panties
2nd pic, I saw a uterus
3rd pic, didn't see anything, just made me puke and cry at the same time.
And holy heffalumps, with all that's wrong with John, I thought you were joking! Get better soon John!
best wished to you both hun for speedy recoveries, positive thoughts and love is coming to you from Downunder. Please nuture & take care of yourself as well as John, illness like this be incredibly hard on everyone.
Kazz in Oz
Jen and John, hang in there! That's so unfortunate about getting sick on the road -- get better and get home soon!
Hope you get better soon John !