A Long Shot
October 5, 2009 This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.
Why?
Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:
"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."
Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*
If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:
What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!
No?
Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:
What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?
- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart
* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)
Reader Comments (547)
Jen and John (hubby of Jen),
Received your book (finally!) a few days ago devoured it cover to cover while laughing hysterically. Yes, a few people asked me if I was ok. So sorry to hear that you are feeling ill. Prayers from Nashville go your way! Get better soon!
At least I'm not the only one who had guessed the first picture was a uterus!
Oh no, how terrible! I hope he getts better soon!
(Also, I thought the first one was a giant tongue. Say "Aaaaah!")
Praying for John's speedy recovery!
As awful as this is, I hope that you realize that he two of you are never away from home. We, your loyal fans, stand ready to fill in as friends and family wherever and in whatever condition you find yourselves.
Now stop working to make us feel better and heal, darn it!
Goodness gracious, are those cakes terrible, and that CCC (patooey!)-ugh! But so sad to hear all the bad things happening on the tour- I wish you both the best... Praying for you both!
"What did the Zero say to the Eight?"
"Nice belt."
Based on the first cake, I'd say that John is at Santa's Strip Club. Sorry to find out that's not the case. Bummer about the tour, but we're all buying the book anyway. You can post a bookplate with your signature and we'll print it out on edible paper for some DIY cakewrectory.
I thought were back on hysterectomy cakes. Maybe if John had a hysterectomy it would cure him? Best wishes, I sure hope you both get well SOON and can get back to civilization!
Get well soon! Both of you!
ella
austin tx fan
oh, I hope everybody is better fast!
I am so glad that I wasn't the only one that thought the loch-ness cake looks more like a uterus complete with ovaries and fallopian tubes.
you mean looking at a CCC replica of the female reproductive system doesn't make John feel like jumping on up out of the hospital bed? Imagine!
Continually praying you're both on the mend and on the road home soon!
WV: kerful - as in, Bakeries should be more kerful in their choice of who is allowed to touch the icing bags.
I hope John's ok! I didn't get to meet you guys, but my sister got me an autographed books... yes, I own my sister $60!! She'll get it. Eventually.
If hes gonna be in the hospital, at least its in a place where its warm. Chicago is nasty and cold, not a fun place to be sick.
Wait, I thought the wreck on the top was supposed to be some frilly lingerie from Victoria's Secret!
That post title is giving me the shivers. Hang in there, John and Jen! There are cakes waiting for you once you get away from hospital food (be theirs via IV or plastic trays). Real cake, even GOOD cake!
Not like, say, the warm sugar-free jello cubes they serve that I told them was colored flavored vasoline and nowaynohow, thankyouverymuch.
Am I the only one that thought the first pic was Santa Claus panties?
First time posting here, but I've been following your blog for a while now-I love it!
Thoughts and prayers for you and John! Hope all is well soon.
I thought that first one was a uterus, too. >.>
Sending lots of happy thoughts and good vibes -- all certified wreck-free! -- your way! Hang in there and don't lose that sense of humor.
WV: "Ousle" -- figuring out what those wrecks were was such an ousle!
I didn't read through all the jokes, so I don't know if this one is already posted....
Two goldfish are in a tank. The first one turns to the other and asks
"So, do you know how to drive this thing?"
sending reiki all your way!
How awful! our prayers go out to John, I hope everything turns out okay! keep the wreckage coming! We love it!!
a guy hears a knock on his door and when he answeres it there is a snail sitting on his front porch. the man immediately snatches up the snail and hurls it through the air and slams the door shut. two weeks later he hears another knock and when he opens the door again there is a snail. the snail screams, "what the hell was that all about??"
I thought the first picture was a uterus!
I was afraid John was getting a hysterectomy for a minute there! Whatever the problems, get well soon!
You mean that first wreck wasn't for a bachelorette party??
All the best wishes to your husband!
Hope he'll make a speedy recovery!
sending postive thoughts John's way for a speedy recovery....
You are both in my prayers and thoughts.
You are so lucky to have each other, I can tell in the writing that
John adores Jen
and
Jen adores him back.
("Get well soon!")
under neat that
smiley face ;)
De-lurking to wish John a heartfelt get-well-soon :) I'm an ICU nurse myself - the combo sounds pretty snarky to me ... hope he does okay! Take care of you too, hope you're on the mend.
Sending you guys some healing vibes. I know you don't need any cake. Seriously, I hope things get better fast.
I pray Jon has a full recovery...and soon. Take it easy, Jen, and get well soon.
Been there done that and bought the tee-shirt (hospital gift shop!) on the staph infection thing--it sucks but you can make it!!! And if any part swells at all (my left foot) you can put heat on it and *poof* it disappears.
Sending good thoughts your way!
Don't normally comment, but felt I had to send good wishes both your ways.
Holy canolli you two! This definitely doesn't sound like fun times on the book signing circuit!!
I'm thinking of you both, and sending plenty of positive energy your way. Thanks for keeping the wrecks coming, despite it all.
Get well soon. Hugs!!
(WV: dentsici) John, may St. Volewart of Dentsici appear at your bedside and bless your teeth.
I'm not usually the praying type, but you two are in my prayers. Here's to a speedy recovery so you can climb back on the carrot and ride off into the wreckset. (CLEARLY we need you. You're much better at wordplay than the rest of us.)
I love your site!! Please give my best to John, Mr Wreck. So sorry to hear, and he's in our hearts for a speedy recovery.
Jen & John ~
What terrible news! I'm so glad your sense of humor hasn't desserted you. (Sorry, bad pun!)
My prayers are with you both! Please don't worry about us Wreckies - just concentrate on getting better and getting home.
In the meantime, as soon as I find something funny for John, I'll post it!
I thought it was a uterus, too. (Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the first one on this site!) But since you were using it as a clue to your geographical location, I was stumped.
You and John are in my prayers!
Oh my gosh, I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. Now for my bad joke:
Q: Did you know that 50% of optometrists in China have cataracts?
A: And the other half drive Rinkin' Continentals.
Ba dum pum.
Thoughts and prayers headed your way! When you both get recovered, I look forward to some sort of staph infection-themed cake, or maybe a pneumonia cake, although I have no idea what that would look like. (No flu cake though. I do know what that would look like - yuck.) Get well soon!
@Alicia, who commented on Houston hospitals: Dallas has an excellent brain injury program at the http://www.brainhealth.utdallas.edu/" rel="nofollow">UT Dallas Center for BrainHealth. It's no Texas Medical Center, but I think Dallas does okay.
My husband had a traumatic brain injury a few years ago, so we have become well-acquainted with the brain injury treatment options in Dallas.
WHOAH. The first one was like... WOOOOW I thought it was like a pair of panties or something. XD The frilly white banner thing and the soft red color. Pfft. XD
And omg D: I'm so sorry *HUGS* I hope you guys get better. >___< I hope you all get better soon :C
sending lots of good thoughts your way from NC!
Give John our best wishes, and be sure to take good care of yourself, too. We feel extra special here in Petaluma, since we were on the part of the tour that actually took place. And no, we are not going to offer to sell the copies you signed to people in the canceled part of the tour, not even for LOTS OF MONEY.
Now I'm extra impressed... you managed to make me laugh, and bring tears to my eyes in one post.
Wishing John a speedy, complete recovery...
-Val in Oregon
Amazingly, I immediately recognized the first wreck as the Longhorns logo. But maybe that's because I've seen it botched so many times.
Jeez, John, all the injuries and illnesses -- it reminds me of that poor cop car in Jumanji - it just keeps getting the crap beat out of it.
Get well soon. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
What's the last thing a redneck/Texan says before he dies?
"Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
Get well soon John. Sorry we didn't get to meet you too. Your Wife did great at the Dallas book signing and the cake was great too.
Achmed Fubar & Amy W.
N. Richland Hills, TX.
Positive thoughts and good karma coming your way, for you and John.
Now, on to the commentary. I really, really thought #1 was a uterus - couldn't figure out if it meant you were in Utah or in utero. Scary prospect, either way.
Char-broiled Nessie - love it!! I figured out it was a football, but couldn't quite grasp why there are poop-waves around it. Must be a Texas-thing.
That last thing? Still trying to work out the relationship b/w shotgun shells & strawberries. I thought one picked strawberries - didn't know they had to be shot. I'll show more respect next time I'm in the produce dept.
Pat P.
WV prerfau - i'll say a little prerfau you (and John)