Totally Cheating
December 22, 2008 In yet another blow to true cake artists everywhere, many large chain bakeries are now "decorating" cakes almost exclusively with plastic flotsam. In theory, this means the "decorators" require even less skill, and therefore will wreck less cakes. That's the theory, anyway.
Well, Kelinda S., I guess we can't complain too much here: so long as the decorators don't put the feet on backwards, there's really not much they could do to wreck this design up.
Wait, did I say put the feet on backwards?
Ok, so these designs are still wreckable, as Jen S. discovered with Thunder Thighs Santa here. Though to be fair, maybe the decorator's thumbs DO face that way - that might explain a lot, actually...*
Some of these plastic cheats are deceptive. For example, at first glance Lyndsay W.'s find looks like a really well-made Santa suicide scene:
(Yes, of course Santa bleeds sprinkles. Duh.) However, that head is actually plastic. It's even kind of cute, compared with the nightmarish clown-head-picks all us Wilton vets know so well.
Of course, other plastic cheats can be just a smidge more obvious, as Amy D. discovered:
Attention Bakery Managers: you may want to post some instruction photos for these cheat kits. You know, to avoid the whole upside-down-nose-and-mustache thing.
What, you can't tell it's upside down? Here, I'll show you:
See? Santa went from sad & droopy to only mildly consternated. Much better. Also, if this Wreck isn't proof that wreckerators are addicted to their airbrushes, I don't know what is. I mean, it looks like someone attacked Santa with a machete! Two words, guys: "Inter" and "Vention". [earnest head nodding]
As someone who enjoys wrapping gifts so much that I actually *d0* wrap empty boxes just for funsies, I find this next one from Brian D. especially horrifying:
That's REAL non-matching ribbon on the lumpy green square thing edged with ketchup ooze on the round cake board. And did I mention the ribbons don't match? [shudder]
But then, Brian M. reminds us that in this season of extravagance it's often the little things that can bring the most joy:
Even better: the package next to this one also has the "oh oh oh"s. Score!!!
* Ok, yes, I suppose your thumbs would be on the outside if you bend your arms at the elbow. And yes, it took me about 45 seconds of thumb twisting experimentation to figure that out. :)
Reader Comments (143)
That airbrushing makes Santa look contagious.
Santa's got child-bearing hips! Is there some weird elf-reproduction thing we'd best keep from the children?
(and...pssst: fewer wrecks, not "less." Because, though it's not a good idea, you can count them.)
Perhaps the OHOHOH cakes were placed from the other end? I mean, if the workers stashed it in from the other side, then they'd show up as "OHOHOH" if it was originally "HOHOHO".
Oh oh oh oh! Sounds like the Christmas cupcakes from an erotic bakery, a la Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally....
Wow, the reverse thumbed Santa's got back. It's a clear case of North Pole face with the Oakland booty.
Even my five year old can see the problems...
"Mom, that doesn't look like Santa at all!"
Santa, NO! You have so much to live for! It's not worth it man! (yeah that third cake really screams slit wrist Santa to me).
I noticed the dearth of plastic on baked goods this year and the only thing I can figure is it's the only way you can cover for a total lack of talent. Of course if helps if you put the plastic on in the right direction. Love those "Oh Oh Oh" cupcakes...maybe Santa had a backache and that's what led to the suicide attempt?
That fourth picture looks just like Lady Cassandra from Doctor Who!
Just wait until someone chokes on the plastic flotsam--then there will be lawsuits.
The green rectangular "present" looks like a little casket.
oh my god, the upside-down nose is hilarious
I think they meant to put the nose/mustache/mouth thing upside down. I mean, who wouldn't be sad after getting attacked by a tiger while delivering presents? I bet the reindeer didn't even survive!
Forget putting the shoes on backwards....Are snowmen even supposed to have legs?
I live in a pretty warm climate and don't often get the chance to make snowmen....but I don't ever think I've seen one with legs and feet...
~Bonnie B~
Dear Upside down-mouth Santa-
Have you been spray tanning? You look like George Hamilton...
&
"OH OH OH" = LMAO
classic...
ROFL! Love 'thunder thighs' Santa and the "OH OH OH" cupcakes--that would be a good one for a "you made your first porno movie" party.
The first one says "display only" in the bottom left corner.
Oh, how I love Cake Wrecks! Thanks for spreading the Christmas joy!
Oh Oh Oh! Yrrem Samtsirhc!
The Oh-Oh-Oh's are CLASSIC!!! I want an APRON! :)
Think the Oh, Oh, Oh cake might be the one to pick when you realize that your form of birth control failed and Santa's delivery might be a tad late...say 9 months!
OH OH OH!!! Yrrem Samtsirhc!!!
Ok... Does anyone else think that the Santa with the upside-down mustache actually looks like a cat? Anyone?
As for the last one... you know, perhaps Santa wants to show us his "OH" face...
I'm just sayin'...
OH OH OH Merry Christmas to you too! Keep 'em coming, I get check out your site daily for a good laugh!
Wow! I get to be first.
Love the upside down face on Santa, then again, since noone ever sees him maybe....
Ok, i don't have a camera phone, but I am so gonna make sure i have a camera with me everytime i go to "Wally World" I don't know how I miss this stuff. Every trip I make is going to include perusal in the bakery looking for submissions to your site!!!! Thanks for the laughs!
Santa's upside down nose (and mustsche!), green brick, and Oh, Oh, Oh cupcakes.
What could be more Christmasy?
Word verification: "hypers" as in anyone who eats this garbage will be hypers!
Oh Oh Oh??!
Good Lord, the standard of wrecks nowadays is really falling. What's happening to the world, GOD!!?!?
Makes me wonder why they even bother.
I long for the day of plain, well iced cakes like my Grandma made. Back then the only wreck was if the cake fell and when that happend us grands got to eat the mistake.
Maybe the "Oh oh oh" cupcakes are for the morning after the office party. They are to celebrate all the "fantastic frolics" in the supply closet that occured the night before between "overserved" co-workers!
Is it funny that I now want to become a cake decorator after seeing all of these hilariously awful cakes?
Word verification: suprohip
Sounds like some sort of superhero. "Suprohip! Alien hero of the future!"
The Santa with an upside down nose/mouth has a feline look about him...and with those lifelike eyes I don't feel like thats something I'll ever eat. Love the OH OH OHs!!!
What IS wrong with people?!
It's not whether you're bending at the elbow that determines which side your thumbs are on. It's whether it's a gesture of welcoming/incipient hug (palms forward, thumbs in) or whether it's a shrug of exasperation or cluelessness (palms in, thumbs out). Santa's gesture says it all. "Another failed liposuction!"
WV: porloct, a piggish warlock Santa Claus.
The Santa with the upside-down-nose-and-mustache thing looks so SAD! Like somebody {maybe the Grinch} stole all his toys....or maybe he just saw himself in a mirror!
I need those OH OH OH cupcakes!! Only THREE days till Christmas, and I am not done with cookies OR shopping! OH OH OH!!!!
No.Way! Even with cheater platic k-rap you can still make wrecks (and these are some pretty awesome wrecks). I think my favorite is the suicide santa. That one needs to be a holiday T-shirt. "Santa bleeds sprinkles." Love it.
Obviously that first Santa has the hands on correctly--he's just holding them up in preparation for surgery. The nurses have to fit those latex gloves over his mittens and that takes a lot of work (and big gloves).
Heehee! Jen, you are making my holidays so much brighter with these great finds and commentary!
Oh Oh Oh! Merry Christmas!
Since this is a family blog I won't make any of the off color jokes that come to mind for the Oh Oh Oh cupcakes...except to say that I bet they were just delicious!
Upside down facial features, no arms or legs, one big block body and worst of all, it looks like someone's been grilling Old Saint Nick. I guess you can put anything on a George Forman Grill!
Am I naughty for wanting to eat those bloody sprinkles? Does it matter any more? Santa probably won't be making it down many chimneys this year.
Santa looks like he's about to do a double face-palm.
And poor Frosty got run over by a snowplow!
Word Verification word: stedi...stedi..
@Jennifer = "suprohip" sounds like a pretty good description of Santa's hips on that one ccc.
ROFL!! My 3 year old grandson could do better than this! I do agree with ciwey that maybe the OH, OH, OH cupcakes were placed from the other side of the case and read "HO HO HO' to the decorator that put them in the case.
that last one cracked me up-- the oh oh ohs are hilarious, then add that there's one column of snowflakes in randomly, because they apparently ran out of ohs, and then when they ran out of snowflakes they just tossed on that last column... of grapes! yes, the traditional christmas bunch of grapes. who can forget that?
anyone else get a flashback to Office Space scenes about the "OH Face" ?????
I have friends that buy their cakes at the big warehouse bakery because they're good. Yet its sister megastore screws things up so royally SO OFTEN. I will stick to my regional grocery store bakery that produces stellar results each. and. every. time.
Sounds like too much Beyonce on the cupcakes...
"all the single Santas...
all the single Santas....
Oh Oh Oh..Oh Oh Oh ... Oh Oh
Oh Oh ... Oh Oh..
If you like it then you shoulda
put a fork in it.....
The oh oh oh cupcakes are perfect for your wedding shower dessert or honeymoon treats!
You have to love my 4 year old upon seeing the present cake? She looked at me questionly and asked me, "mommy is that a cake? It looks bad."
The green block is the one that creeps me out the most.
Looks like Santa and the reindeer were encased in a block of floral foam by the gangsters from last weeks post for some gangland indiscretion.
The mobsters left Santa's and the reindeer's heads poking out so when they are tossed into the East River, they can watch their own fate as they sink to the bottom...
At least they added some festive decorations to make it look cheerful! Even the mob celebrates Christmas. Who knew?
Dang! The "Oh Oh OH" cupcakes made me laugh so hard I spilled coffee down my front! If I saw those in a store I would be on the floor in the aisle laughing! Thanks for that!