Totally Cheating
December 22, 2008 In yet another blow to true cake artists everywhere, many large chain bakeries are now "decorating" cakes almost exclusively with plastic flotsam. In theory, this means the "decorators" require even less skill, and therefore will wreck less cakes. That's the theory, anyway.
Well, Kelinda S., I guess we can't complain too much here: so long as the decorators don't put the feet on backwards, there's really not much they could do to wreck this design up.
Wait, did I say put the feet on backwards?
Ok, so these designs are still wreckable, as Jen S. discovered with Thunder Thighs Santa here. Though to be fair, maybe the decorator's thumbs DO face that way - that might explain a lot, actually...*
Some of these plastic cheats are deceptive. For example, at first glance Lyndsay W.'s find looks like a really well-made Santa suicide scene:
(Yes, of course Santa bleeds sprinkles. Duh.) However, that head is actually plastic. It's even kind of cute, compared with the nightmarish clown-head-picks all us Wilton vets know so well.
Of course, other plastic cheats can be just a smidge more obvious, as Amy D. discovered:
Attention Bakery Managers: you may want to post some instruction photos for these cheat kits. You know, to avoid the whole upside-down-nose-and-mustache thing.
What, you can't tell it's upside down? Here, I'll show you:
See? Santa went from sad & droopy to only mildly consternated. Much better. Also, if this Wreck isn't proof that wreckerators are addicted to their airbrushes, I don't know what is. I mean, it looks like someone attacked Santa with a machete! Two words, guys: "Inter" and "Vention". [earnest head nodding]
As someone who enjoys wrapping gifts so much that I actually *d0* wrap empty boxes just for funsies, I find this next one from Brian D. especially horrifying:
That's REAL non-matching ribbon on the lumpy green square thing edged with ketchup ooze on the round cake board. And did I mention the ribbons don't match? [shudder]
But then, Brian M. reminds us that in this season of extravagance it's often the little things that can bring the most joy:
Even better: the package next to this one also has the "oh oh oh"s. Score!!!
* Ok, yes, I suppose your thumbs would be on the outside if you bend your arms at the elbow. And yes, it took me about 45 seconds of thumb twisting experimentation to figure that out. :)
Reader Comments (143)
Oh, oh, oh no you didn't!
Totally artless. Is this what the bakery-schools are turning out now? SIGH
~Amy B
HILARIOUS today, Jen! Thanks for the laughs.
Cakes decorated with "plastic flotsam?"
Ugly + lazy + environmentally unsound = cake wreck
Lizard: I think the traditional Christmas grapes are pinecones. However, the fruit of the vine does seem like a more logical response to this awfulness.
Especially since, even though the employees can see the cupcakes backwards, the "OH OH OH"s are _tilted_ on the cupcakes... toward the consumer. Lovely presentation. Just what we need for that Christmas bachelor/bachelorette party.
RE: oh oh oh
:facepalm:
Also, my husband thinks that the airbrushed Santa looks like he's been grilled instead of slashed. Mmmm, frame broiled goodness!
I agree that upside down nose Santa has a feline look about him. I was originally thinking a Thundercat or that lil character from a TV show who's name I don't know that says "snarf" all the time. But then I realized I didn't know enough about either to really make that official, but it works for my imagination! Snarf!
On second glance, could Skinnylegs Santa be juggling those blue cupcakes?
Word Verification word: quargu
(noun) How much gu it takes to frost a cake
Hmmm...those last cupcakes are definitely on the "naughty" list.
Hey, since when did snowmen have legs?
I will never, EVER order a cake from a bakery. EVER. They scare me too much.
And "flotsam" is my new favorite word!!!
It's nice to know that even in a world of plastic flotsam cakes, it's still possible to miss-spell one of the simplest words in the English lauguage.
Oh, Oh, Oh, a VERY merry Christmas, indeed!
Meg: the "snarf" character you're thinking of is Pinky from Pinky and the Brain/Animaniacs - the lab mice who wanted to take over the world..
and the thunder thighs Santa looks like a French Can Can dancer....
Your thumbs would poke out that way when you are giving the cake-wrecker the middle finger, too!
Santa's Double Finger Salute to you, Bakery-CakeWrecker!
:D
Those OH OH OH cupcakes could be quite appropriate for a wedding shower or bachelor party....
*teehee*
Cake Wrecks = most fabulous blog ever!
Oh - and the "Oh Oh Oh" cupcakes... maybe were in an "adults-only" bakery??
;)
Those cupcakes are having more fun than I am! No fair!
I think the Oh Oh Oh cupcakes should be sold as a set with the Hi Hi Hi CCC from a couple of days ago Who would have guessed that there are multiple ways to mess up Ho Ho Ho...
Actually, I suspect that the upside down Santa nose is supposed to be a cat nose. That would explain why Santa is striped, too.
O Holy Night! What a bunch of sorry excuses for decorated cakes! I hope to heaven I don't get a present that looks like that green THING. If I do, I'll know I was very bad this year.
But I just gotta love Suicide Santa. Those of us who get depressed at Christmas need to be represented, too.
Oh, oh, oh. And I say again, oh, oh oh.
Word verification: busil. There's so much hustle-busil this time of year.
LOVE the orgasm cupcakes.
@ ciwey... I considered the same thing the first time I saw that cake, but if you look closely at the OHOHOH, you'll notice that they're propped up a bit. And you know what that means...
Those Oh Oh Oh cupcakes would be quite nice for a festive Saturnalia.
I think those oh, oh, oh cupcakes are actually for the New Kids on the Block concert--to be eaten during Cover Girl. Seriously, it fits.
Machete Santa reminds me of the "Santa Spud" Mr. Potatohead I just got!
My fifteen-year-old daughter, reading over my shoulder, immediately said that the green box must be the casket from "Suicide Santa."
Thanks for this lovely moment of family togetherness.
We all love CW.
but, if you turn those oh oh oh cupcakes upside down, theyre just ho ho ho! really, not a wreck at all, friends. ps. i <3<3<3 upside-down santanose. hiiiilarious.
Gosh, I thought the airbrush Santa face looked rather porcine and the snowman legs belong on a witch or Raggedy Ann. (What's with legs on a snowman?) The Oh, oh, oh cupcakes were my favorites, though.
If you actually look closely at the Oh Oh Oh cupcakes and they way they are leaning, they are not backwards, nor would they have been loaded into the case from the other side and have looked correct to the decorator because they put the decoration on UPSIDE DOWN...flip it 180 degrees and it'd be correct. :)
Oh, Oh, Oh . . . . Green Giant. That's what the "oh's" made me think of.
Santa with the upside down mouth looks like he's about to cry.
I have a theory about the thumbs out Santa. He’s directing the elves, who are positioning the sleigh prior to hitching the reindeer. He’s telling them to back it toward him. Don’t see it? Place your hands in front of you, elbows at your side, palms up, like you’re holding a tray. Now bring your hands up toward your shoulders. Lower them and repeat three times. I would further guess that the elves were a little too enthusiastic, which lead to the cake below it.
At least I hope that’s what he’s directing to back up, because my only other theory involves Mrs. Clause and the origin of the OH OH OH cupcakes.
ok so I'm like 9 weeks pregnant, and when I was looking at those CCC I suddenly could smell all that aweful buttercream icing and I thought I was going to be sick.
And that poofy hipped Santa looks like someone took the cupcake off his belt that would have evened him out!
@Digital Daguerreotypist
Actually if memory and Google serve me correctly, Pinky's favorite word was "Narf". Snarf was, as Meg said, a Thundercat. Well sort of technically...he was Lion-O's annoying pet, who interjected "Snarf!" into everything much as Smurfs use "Smurf" as a wildcard.
Now that I come to think of it, that flame-broiled Santa strongly resembles Snarf indeed...good catch Meg.
Err..I should go now. My 80's geek is showing.
@Digital Daguerreotypist: thanks for the tip but I'm thinking of something else. It's a little yellow cat-like thing. Maybe it doesn't actually say snarf... maybe I made it up... Hmm...
Oh! It is real! It's one of the Thundercats, the lil red and yellow, and it's name is apparently Snarf. Link: http://www.rankinbass.com/thundercatssnarf.html
Those Oh Oh Oh ones make me think of the New Kids on the Block. Oh oh oh oh oh...the right stuff! Or, the wrong stuff, in this case.
-- Karen T.
Santa with his upide-down nose/mouth/tach looks like some kind of christmas care bear.
I was coming in to say the same about the oh oh oh's. Just turn the package around, it is right. WHen you take them out, it is right.
Boy, looks like a missed a lot in two months. I tried to catch up but between the laughter and the shock disbelief I had to leave the libarary cafe before they kick my butt out of there.
Nice Sunday picks guys and I just love the Wrecktastic Santas.
So Jen are the Calendars out yet? I see the t-shirts, nice, I saw the apron, and as soon as I get the money I'll get one, niceeeeeeee! But don't see the calendar. Prehaps I missed it in between the sad, crazy, parents from New Jersey and the fantastic interpetations of Disney's Children classic.
Oh well.
Looking forward to next year!
Peace,
Clueuin
ick. who wants to eat a santa cake when he looks all cellulite-y? makes you think, "that could happen to me." and then there's the red-faced santa with the up-side-down plastic--looked like a strange cartoon kitten or something. if i ordered a Christmas cake and they "decorated" with plastic i'd be very upset. oh, but wait...since cakewrecks exists, maybe it'd be easier to laugh it off and submit the nastiness to you...and the world.
My supervisor at work saw these cakes over my shoulder and he said all that was missing from the Santa Suicide cake was a tiny knife and revolver...you know...like the ones you used to get in the board game Clue? He also said the sign that says "Blessed Season" should say "Bloody Season".
And for the the Oh, oh, oh's....does anyone remember Horshack from "Welcome Back Kotter"? Well, he must have made those.
Does anyone else think the "Blessed Season," with I believe a cross next to it, sign on the dead Santa cake is either ironic, or else a not so subtle reminder about what happens to people who worship the wrong guy on Christmas? I can see Dan Brown's next book: The Santa Code, where we learn that the Church put a hit out on St. Nicholas to stop him from co-opting the proper symbolism of the day. Clearly this cake is reminder to those in the know that "accidents" still happen. The Church is making its list and checking it twice. You don't want to end up like Santa.
These are like the strip malls of cake making. I'd rather see an attempt at frosting artistry!
Maybe the oh-oh-oh decorator was looking in the mirror while she did her thing. That takes talent, right...?
When I talked to Santa he said that his mustach IS upside down and that people are always misunderstanding him. He said he has never said Ho,Ho,HO...He in fact says Oh, Oh, Oh, but because he has an upside down mustache no one understands him.
Santa in #2 is clearly shrugging, as in "it's not my fault I'm made of cupcakes."
maybe the second santa is telling the kids to "come hither"...? no? But there couldn't possibly be someone stupid decorating a cake, could there be?
Office Space, the Christmas Edition: When Santa Shows his Oh-Face.
Oh...Oh...Oh...
I don't think Santa's nose is upside down, I think the rest of the cake is upside down. The way it is, the little "oh oh oh" picks say "ho ho ho" !
And I don't know what to think about the grapes/pinecone cupcakes.. maybe they are caviar?