My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Day In The Life

Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)

That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.

In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!



1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.






1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.



"Mruh Mroh."



2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"




Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.


3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.

5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."


Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.


7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"


7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos


8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.

8:21 pm
- Loud sobs coming from office.

8:30 pm
- Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.


Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"


10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.


Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)



12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.





2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.


(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)



3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:



"Why? WHY?!?"



4:04 am - Convinced Jen to come to bed. She lies in the dark, muttering, "Can't sleep. Lobster in blond wig will eat me."


I think it's going to be another long night.

Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (21)

Still as funny as the first time it was posted.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterThor

Ahahahahahahaha XD

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

It's life, John, but not as we know it.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCraig T

What the heck is the topper on that..."castle"? That might help me get the joke (yes, I know of the TV show, but can't connect it - or Nathan Fillion - to whatever those things Otherwise, all the rest are priceless!

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

I saw a blog today, o boy!
About some cakes that couldn't make the grade
And though the cakes were rather bad
Well I just had to laugh
At every photograph

You blew my mind out with the cats
"Just bed" from "Just because" is quite a change
But at the lobster I just stared
Never seen that before
Now I'm just not really sure
What's up with the blond crabs of war?

But now my lunch break's done...

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterbatgirl1

Wigged out lobsters. It's a thing.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

The fact that y'all were able to sneak in a BNL lyric makes my little dorky heart sing.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLorrie

Nice BNL reference, John! 😁

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterVicki Jo

What, no Kraft dinner? I'd just eat more*!

*Not really. The artificial flavors were the only things holding that together.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJLo

HO-ly wrestle-MANIA! The last delicacy reminded me of my first ex-mother in law! She'd yell at the big phonies, with a beer bottle in one hand and her other hand balled up in a fist. Sputtering all the while.....gosh, I miss her.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

And why... not to mention HOW... is Jamie Hyneman in the background of that lobster debacle?? O.o

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLalaith

So, in the background of the lobster catastrophe... Thing... Is that Jamie from Mythbusters?

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRaye

Anyone else suddenly hearing the 'Crab People' song from South Park?

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

Great poem, batgirl1.
To SusanD: the joke, as I see it, is that the picture is of a model castle, not the tv show, "Castle". Like someone saying they are watching The Princess Bride and the picture is a wedding picture of Princess Diana (see, not the movie, but literally a princess bride).
Another brilliant post John (thoj). I don't know how you and Jen come up with the witty commentary.

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJuin

Those first two cakes are absolute catastrophes. The bakers should be making a feline for the door, or at least removing those cakes from their catalogs.
The third cake - what kind of animal is that? Was the baker just horsing around? Was it just a moosestake? Or is this to celebrate a bisontennial?
The pizza cake - the crust looks like poo. I guess the baker wasn't going to be deturd from his duty.
Number five is obviously Ariel missing from the Princess cake of last Friday. She traded in her algebra for some sea shells.
The next disaster - icing a song of over-frosting.
The "burger" came from a cow with no legs - ground beef.
Good knight. There's not a remoat possibility this cake is good. Is Harrison Ford going to make a dash for this cake? I hear his character made the castle run in twelve parsecs. (Did anyone else notice that the icing on the lower tier seems to spell "poop" on the right side?)
The "just bed" cake is obviously celebrating someone's garden - a flower bed.
Don't expect to get anything from these lobsters - they're too shellfish.

@batgirl1 - I got to today's post late and started to get an idea based on the title. Imagine my surprise when I saw you had beaten me to it. Kudos!

November 6, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMike

What the heck is that lobster thing? I really hope it isn't for a wedding or if I was the bride those lobsters would be attatched to a fleeing wreckerator lol.

November 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Well... I didn't recognise the quote as BNL, because I know the Pirate parody version better! :P

The Bards - If I Had A Million Ducats

November 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterVikki

What's BNL? I'm missing something.

November 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Is the Lobster thingy supposed to be a triumphant Hulk Hogan with some sweet young thang bent over? I mean...oy! Let's hope the Hulk doesn't get any crabs there...

November 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHitchhi

The blond bewigged lobster has a "cigarette". I think that might explain some of this. Nothing can explain all of it!

November 8, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterpat gann

@ Anonymous: BareNaked Ladies

November 8, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKathy D

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