My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Christmas Blues

I have a problem around this time of year. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm hoping I'm not the only one. 

It goes like this:

I'll be out shopping somewhere with John, when suddenly:

I'll hear it.

And I'll think, "No, it can't be. They wouldn't play THAT song. Not here! It must be some other song."

Then a few more seconds will go by, and I'll realize:

It IS that song.

They're playing Christmas Shoes.



So I tell myself I'll just ignore it. I talk to John a little louder. I try humming It's A Small World. But it's no use:


I start listening, in spite of myself.


And ninety seconds later:

[sobbing] "Buy him the shoes! BUY THE LITTLE BOY THE SHOES FOR HIS DYING MOTHER! AaahhhaaaaHAAA!!"


 And my mascara's running everywhere...


And the cashier is like:


And all the other customers are like:


And I turn to John for support, but he's crying, too, so we're BOTH like:


And THAT is why I'm never going back to that Honey Baked Ham outlet.


Thanks to Hannah F., Kimberly S., Linda M., Anony M., Rachel S.,  Marissa C.,  Jodee R., Kizzie F., & David G. who might claim they don't cry at Christmas Shoes, but if so they're filthy, filthy liars.

And just in case you've never had the pleasure, here it is. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.



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Reader Comments (68)

Bahahahaha, classic post. XD. Love it. That song is so sappy it came from a tree.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

OMG - this overdose of Pathetic has somewhat confused me. Do I want to cry or do I want to throw up????
someone put on another music - to bring this one out of my head - even it it would be "Driving home for x-mas"!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdani the hun

When my daughter was in 5th grade she told a classmate that she hated that song because it was sappy and ridiculous and the classmate replied that she had a black soul. She's her mother's daughter alright...

P.S. I hate that song. It's sappy and ridiculous.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I am the SAME WAY. it's easy to get me to cry, which my kids love, lemme tell you. The peanut butter ad where the kid makes his moms brown bag lunch? I'm in tears. But that SONG OMG!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKremfinn

WAHHHH, thanks for the reminder. That's one song I haven't heard yet this year. My husband even bought the movie a couple of years ago. I told him that's the ONE AND ONLY time I will watch it. My mom passed away from cancer and I just can't. Even the thought of it makes me tear up!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEllenF

Hahahahahaha!!!! That was epic captioning today.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

OMG my daughter HATES that song so much! When we are in the car she starts channel surfing if it comes on. We're both like "why the frosting is he buying SHOES???" it's so stupid. (and don't tell my daughter, but I have cried because of the song)

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

I'm with you, SuBee.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

OMG, I despise that song. It's so over-the-top sappy that I just want to throttle that dirty little boy. If it comes on while I'm in a store, I usually end up shouting "Take a bath and learn some basic economics!" Ugh. I love Christmas, I love the whole atmosphere of people actually being good to one another (for the most part), but that song. That SONG. It turns me into a Grinch every time.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngie NK

LMAO@ Suebee XD

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Two thmbs up, way up, to SuBee and Angie NK.

I'l admit the first time I heard that song I was a little teary eyed (full disclosure here), but afterwards it made me CRAZY. That mom isn't going to NEED shoes for cryin' out loud - she going to need a funeral (LOTS of $$$$$$$$$$) OR a date with the Neptune Society (still fairly $$$, but not so much)- let's be realistic here!

What can I say? I work in healthcare and, well, there it is. You're welcome ! (as Jen would say).

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Hate, HATE, HATE that stupid song. Especially since in many traditions people are buried shoeless. Hate!!! But this song takes it away in a snap.

Merry Christmas!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKymsterD

I am in awe of your ability to macht commentary and cakes.
Brilliantly done.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

I am so not clicking on that video. I haven't heard the song all season and I really hope I can keep it up. I don't need a good cry right now. It is so depressing.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEH

Thanks for my new favorite saying, Renee!!! "Why the frosting . . .?"

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

UGH - I hate that song with a passion. Soooo sappy and manipulative. Great post, tho'!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterVicki

Er I actually love the song myself I mean the boy sounds like he's SIX for crying out loud. Tbh every time I hear someone say the song is sappy or ridiculous I want to turn to them and say "did YOUR family members ever come close to dying? Have you ever heard the expression 'she's the most beautiful person in the world when she smiles'? No? Then shut your mouth, you are stupid and clueless!"

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

I had never heard that one before. Thank the flying spaghetti monster.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLover of cakes

Patton Oswalt has a great routine about this song.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

Re: the last pic;
Which one is John, and which one is Jen?? It's probably blue = John, and red = Jen, but then I feel that it would be Jen that would have a cookie in her mouth (I could be wrong).

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I glad I'm not the only one who hates that song. Why the He-- does she need new shoes??? I don't mind some honest sentiment in my Christmas music but that song is a sure way to get me to change the channel. Great post as always with perfect captions for the wrecks!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commentertybeecat

SuBee, I apparently have a black soul, as well. ;)

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterIdared76

Come on, it's a beautiful story . . . at least once a year. I can't take it any more than that.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJan in AZ

If you've never read the book or watched the movie that was inspired by the song, yes, the song is sappy and a little out there. But, just read the book, or find the movie. You'll be bawling your eyes out with the rest of us!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDenine B

I hate this song because it is so over the top but I do sob like a baby every time I hear it. I can't even explain the song's plot to people without crying.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

That song breaks my heart, because my aunt died just after Christmas a few years ago after a long illness. Sappy? Yes. But having lost a close relative around Christmas, I understand doing every little thing you can, even buying silly shoes, just to make what you know will be their last Christmas a very special one.
So here I sit, in tears. Thanks for the warning, Jen, but I didn't listen. ;-)

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMrsMom

Jen, you owe me one tube of mascara because mine is melted down my face like last year's snowman.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

I know it's a replay and I think I probably commented on the original post, but srsly, this is the worst song ever, EVER, ever (to quote Quack from "Peep and the Big Wide World"). I guess my soul is black as well.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

Oh how I hate that song.
Such a contrived overdone bit of pull on the heart strings piece of drivel.
Then again, I've been known to walk through a crowd in a store that was all watching the end of Titanic and yell "Drown B*@&%!" (True Story)

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKat



I HATE that song. I have lurched from my office chair, practically THROWING myself at the radio in order to TURN IT OFF!!!

WHO writes a CHRISTMAS SONG about a poor boy and his DYING MOTHER!?!?!?

That song alone probably results in an exponential increase in antidepressant prescriptions at this time of year. It's already dark and cold! WHY would someone add to that?!?! Especially in a tear-jerking ear-worm way!!

Heaven help me but I totally feel the same way as you do..,

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

I haven't heard that ridiculously stupid song for the past two Christmases. Thank you God! The radio stations where I live have probably gotten sick and tired of it too.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShelby

Hilarious! I've never heard this song (I'm Australian) but I cry like a baby every time I hear 'how to make gravy' by Paul Kelly- it's an Aussie xmas classic!! You should listen to that one- I promise you'll be crying, saying 'but who's gonna make the gravy?!?'

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGillian

So mom's dying tonight, but she needs these shoes to die in?

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRandomHookup

Nope. Not listening. No way. Still a great post though.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNanalettie

Snopes has the best name for stuff like this: GLURGE. That's exactly what this song makes my stomach feel like doing.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterHairfish

I, too, loathe that song. Trashy sentimentalism which makes the oh-so-practical me want to point out that his mom doesn't need shoes now but the rest of the family probably could use grocery money this month. I lave literally never cried upon hearing that song. And I'm proud of that.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

I hate that song with the burning passion of a thousand suns!! Ugh.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmLuvsYou

Thanks for sharing the video; I hadn't seen it before. My question - what the heck were the other 4-5 guys doing that were standing around the singer? What was their purpose? LOL

Tears, yes.

Merry Christmas!

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJan H

This year's Publix Christmas commercial makes me cry. The boy who leaves the letter inviting the elderly neighbor to dinner. At least it clears the crud out of my sinuses.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

I haven't heard this song but I'm not clicking on it if it's that depressing, and there's been too much depressing stuff happening lately as it is. The puzzled-looking Oscar-Cookie Monster cake did brighten up this longest of nights a bit, though.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLora

I have never heard that song. Judging from the comments, I never want to hear that song. I did not click on the video. I have willpower.

December 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

KmysterD -- That Straight No Chaser song was awesome! Thanks for sharing it!

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

This post is not just a Wrecky Replay, but a Christmas Classic. I particularly like the 4th cake - the frog-like green thing looks slightly stunned.

KymsterD, that Christmas Can-Can is a nice lead-in to this one (which I may have learned of through Cake Wrecks):How Do You Spell Channukkahh? - together those two songs should cure any Christmas Shoe blues.

As for SuBee and her daughter...what a charitable non-judgmental thing for the other child to say. :P

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

The Patton Oswalt version on YouTube is my favorite Christmas tradition. I'm a sucker for sap, usually; hell, I used to cry over those On-Star commercials where someone's been stranded or hit and the nice On-Star lady saves the day, but this song is just out and out glurge of the worst kind.

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Does anyone else see a bird instead of lips on the yellow mascara dripping cake?

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPenny

Listening to that song requires listening to Patton Oswalt's routine on it as well....hilarious

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLM

What a great song for retail. Encourages spending for emotional reasons, which is, as has been pointed out here, probably a waste of money, but its good for a store's bottom line. Most Christmas spending is emotional rather than practical.
That being said, a little boy wanting to make his mother smile, give her a pick up - that is very true to life. I am facing my first Christmas as a widow and I would give anything to be able to give my husband a pair of shoes for Christmas.

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

I haven'the heard the song, but when I mentioned it, both of my kids (30+ yes old) fell over themselves warning me off. I can'tell even print what my daughter said about it lol.

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterjoybeth

I'm guessing most of the people here crying out with passion that they hate that song have never seen the movie and therefore don't know the story behind the song. I will admit that I've heard the song too many times and am a bit tired of it, but it's still a sweet song. And this post? Hilarious! The faces on the cakes are perfect with the commentary! And I needed the good laugh this morning. So thanks, Jen, for always making my day a little brighter and funnier. Merry Christmas!

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

I am proud to say that one of my local news stations took a poll, and this song was voted the worst Christmas song ever.

(For everyone on here saying to watch the movie and then us cold-hearts will understand the song, I believe the movie was actually based on the song. [So, an emotionally manipulative song was made into an emotionally manipulative movie.] But I could be wrong about this...?)

December 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJenny M.

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