The Hanukkah Blues
December 3, 2013 Hanukkah started on Thanksgiving this year, and yet somehow bakers didn't leap at the opportunity for a yarmulke-topped turkey cake. You have to admire that kind of restraint.
Then again, we all know bakers really only have one go-to Hanukkah design:
;)
Blue and white snowflakes.
It's the kind of design that says, "Hey, I can dig your Jewish Christmas thing, but I prefer to express it in a generic, non-committal way that even those crazy Winter Solstice people might buy."
;)
"Plus I get to make more of my special Halloween spider webs."
And just like real snowflakes, every Generic "Hanukkah"(winkwinknudgenudge) design is completely unique.
;)
Like fingerprints. Or hairballs.
;)
Are you feeling the warm glow of the season yet?
;)
How 'bout now?
Hang on, I have an idea: how do you feel about adding a little extra fiber in your diet?
;)
No, really, there's cake in there. PROOOOMISE.
(Supposedly that's edible paper, not a rain slicker. But I'm not buying it.)
Ok, ok, what would you say if I told you I actually found a cake with both "Happy Hanukkah" and a Star of David on it - and nothing's wonky or misspelled?
You: "It's on plastic, isn't it?"
Me: "Yes. Yes, it is."
;)
And on everyone's favorite traditional Jewish dessert, too!
Oooh, wait, it appears one brave soul actually did attempt to pipe a Star of David!
;)
6,000 years of cultural heritage just went, "BOINK."
But at least it has the right number of sides.
[Foreshadowing? What's that?]
SHA-POW!
;)
Yeesh.
TALK ABOUT MISSING THE POINT.
Thanks to Ami E., Sarah B., Nicole M., Sandy H., Saundra, Rebecca S., Lena C., True B., & Amy K., who are all special snowflakes in my heart. My icy, icy heart.
Reader Comments (59)
You KNOW I'm an ardent fan of your wit, but " . . .missing the point" just grabs the gateau.
rachel
I find the first five cakes deeply offensive...and I'm not even Jewish!
#2 is especially confusing: What are the arrows pointing to? Is supposed to be like "here's the one part of the decoration we *didn't* mess up" ?
The last cake was also be meant for pagans; the wreckers were just trying to cover their bases with that one.
I've been away for a while. Well, not away, just not here. I pop in and discover that the same low standards are being met -- so nice to know that some things don't change.
What, no SL entry? No pipe cleaners? No non-kosher marshmallows? It just isn't the same.
#4 and #5 look like winter-themed amoebas.
#7 I would buy a tres leches cake almost without regard for what may have been done to the decoration of same. They aren't available locally for some reason. Probably some nefarious conspiracy.
"Hey - I am one of those "crazy" Winter Solstice people :) Even got cards with Happy Solstice on them this year - mainly to rile my over-zealous Christian family :)"
HA! Amber beat me to it; this is what I get for never checking in here until after midnight my time. I'm always the last commenter. :/
Anyway, happy holidays to all, and an especially happy Yule to my fellow heathens; may the Sun King smile upon you in the new year!
Your Pal,
Storm
Norman Fell was a great actor and earned the nickname “Tunder" when he appeared in the sequel to Breakfast at Tiffany’s, ‘Le Petite Menu’. I think the cake was for the wrap party.
About that last cake:
Something Wiccan this way comes?
As one of those crazy people who celebrates Winter Solstice (though I also celebrate Christmas, even though I'm not Christian, because presents), that first cake is just sad. Unwanted by both Jews and pagans, it died cold and alone, like the Little Match Girl. But wait: what is that shining light? It's Jen, cradling the dead cake in her arms and carrying it off to Cake Wrecks, just like the LMG's grandmother carrying her to Heaven. It's a Festivus miracle!
Ok Living in south Florida one finds out there is a Jewish Hispanic population. In fact Jewish Cubans proudly call themselves "Jewbans". So tres leche cake would be perfect and was probably at one of the Publix stores that know their customer demographics.
http://www.jweekly.com/article/full/22654/miami-s-newest-hispanic-jews-have-little-to-do-with-comfortably-established/
The more you know....
What were they thinking? XD