Monday
Dec022013
John's Final Straw
December 2, 2013 ;)
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Thanks to Natalia R., Anony M., Sandra B., Lisa S., and Vicky G. for sparking the idea.
December 2, 2013 
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What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
- Jen
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December 2, 2013 
Reader Comments (54)
Poor John. All you need now are sticks and marshmallows, and maybe some graham crackers and chocolate.
no comment.
Hey, SOMEbody had to take a stand. (And no, I will NOT say, "And I don't mean a CAKE STAND, either..LOL."--because that would be SO TACKY...) =^-.-^=
They can't all be professional cakes. Please, there is no way that number 2 could be real...please.?? And number 4- it looks like the ginger bread house my 7 year old decorated after a rough car ride- gumballs flying all over the place.
I can see how John feels that way some days, after reviewing these piles of frosting/messes. I'm just surprised it hasn't happened soon...
glad your house didn't burn down (did it?)
To be honest, I'm surprised you lasted that long!
John, you missed your calling in the graphic arts :)
[Editor's note- You're very kind. However, I didn't draw these, I just tweaked them a bit. They're from an anonymous comic gif online and, though I tried to find a source, I never found one. If anyone knows, let me know and I'll update the post with a credit. Thanks and Wreck On! -john (thoJ)]
I prefer a shotgun to a sledgehammer and gasoline.
John, the crazed look in your eyes somewhat resembles the boils on that tilting tumor cake. Coincidence? (I think not.)
I can totally relate, John.
Hahahhaa i would have done the same thing if I were you :D
HAH! Fantastic!
Those cakes are truly stomach-churning, but somehow I still managed to get hungry for cheese puffs when I saw the last panel.
Awesome art work, John. My favorite part is the *plink* moment.
KW
What's with the bride and groom figures with the huge black eyes on the third cake? I think that they're the scairiest part of the cake (and that's saying something!)
Cake one: plastic ‘n’ plaster…..
Cake two: So then Cinderella and the Prince went skiing on their honeymoon, only to be lost in an avalanche….
Cake three is a post-modern wedding cake depicting the predicted death of love and marriage as represented by the skeletal bride and groom. The carefully placed fruit adds a mocking tone through the dichotomy of live fruit/dead institution, and has a barely perceptible subtle ironic undertone, echoing the old saying from the 1920’s: it’s the berries. Romance is dead, declares this cake, visually pointing to a symbolic cause revealed by looking at the cake’s lower border. Here we see that the flowers do not quite completely join to encircle the cake; there are no more flowers. The significance is clear, and all but sings the raison d’etre for the death of romance: you don’t bring me flowers anymore. Yet, for those willing to look, there is hope. While the green tufts of grass may seem out of place in this maelstrom of romantic desolation, they are carefully constructed bits of optimism. Not just any grass, they are leaves of marram grass, also known as beach grass, found on the ocean’s shores. Here the decorator hints at hope: as life is said by some to have come from the sea, perhaps romance will reemerge from there, too.
Cake four is a snapshot of the couple’s view on both their cake and their marriage. The careful placement of the cake in front of the fireplace says it clearly: it soots us….
Cake five touched a toad….
@john(thoJ): well done...we feel your pain....but, ironically, laughter is the best medicine...
John, is this your artwork? So awesome. I am genuinely impressed with the emotion conveyed by essentially a smiley-face stick-figure.
Ahhh... john (thoJ) and his fu man chu mustache strike again. ;-)
At first I thought the 3rd one had prunes on it. Upon closer inspection they appear to be blackberries. Maybe prunes would have helped?
Someone more talented than me needs, yes NEEDS, to make those drawings into an animated gif. Help me, internet, you're my only hope.
At least the cake topper on the third wreck was cute...
Not Cool. Not Cool At All. Making me laugh so hard I cry. I'm at work and my mascara is running. Now how am I supposed to explain that?
Kind of a love hate relationship with the posts that with each picture I wonder how much worse it can get… then I scroll.
Yikes.
I like the sound of a good *plink*. :D
I was positive that #4 was going to turn out to be one of those samples that some bakeries put in their windows and forget to remove at the end of the
daydecade.I'm so sad that John (husband of Jen) will never see this (having torched his computer), but I fully understand. There are times you just have to blame the messenger.
Sometimes, you just don't need words.
The "final straw" has a HIDDEN Mickey! (Not sure if that makes it better or worse!?!?)
The *plink* made that whole series of pictures. Really. I too am surprised that John has lasted this long. Blessings on your head for your patience, John. :-)
Looks like someone needs a hug...or maybe some marshmallows to toast on that fire. Poor John.
The sound of a mind breaking is *plink*
Who knew??!! :D
Very fun day! Love the creativity - not the cakes, silly!
(plink) Love it.
Maybe... the fugly cakes are normal and the pretty ones are wrong, just like that Twilight Zone episode "Eye of the Beholder".
Yes, I did watch the TZ Marathon all day long on Thanksgiving, why do you ask?
Someone remide these brides/grooms they get what they pay for. these are horrid
This is what was in my mind after each cake:
1- Ugh, really? How.
2- That cake is just.. unacceptable.
3- Why do the bride and groom look weird? Wait... THEY'RE SKELLYBUNS!
4- If it were a little less.. flat... and lumpy... and glittery... and weird... and better worked on, it could be a little close to socially acceptable. A little close.
5- WAT.
Love how he just goes *plink* and gets derpy.
We all suspected it would happen someday. The surprise is that John didn't snap sooner! Also, someone want to call the baker and tell them those little cotton puffballs are meant for sweaters, NOT cakes?
Bravo, John, Bravo!!!!!!!!
(With apologies to t.s.elliot...)
this is the way the wreck ends
this is the way the wreck ends
this is the way the wreck ends
not with a bang OR a whimper,
but with a conflagration!
[John-I wish there'd been a disclaimer stating that no one was hurt during the making of your post!]
I think the cartoons are from Cyanide and Happiness.
[Editor's note- I checked because I thought so, too. As far as I can tell, though, they're not. Huh. -john]
This sort of reminds me of "Hyperbole and a Half" I half-expected to see at the bottom that Allie Brosh had guest-written/drawn the post. (But then the eyes would be buggier and there would probably be more mayhem, possibly involving dogs) Now, THAT would be an awesome post (not that you aren't awesome, john [thoj], but....)
BTW, did you know that Allie has a new book out (called "Hyperbole and a Half")? It is so hysterically funny that, despite its being about an inch and a half thick, I read it in a day and a half. Well, there are a lot of drawings. "The God of Cake" is in there, too.
C'mon, now, tell the truth - Cake (?) #2 is actually frosted with grout, applied with the fingers, right???? Urk.
I swear, I have transported home-baked buttercreamed cakes hundreds of miles, over rutted dirt roads, and not one of them wound up looking as awful as these. John (thoJ), I don't blame your mind one BIT for plinking. Mine would, too! In fact... ooh, look - there's a piece now, scuttling across the rug! Quick, catch it! I might need to give that piece to someone someday....
Did the last one have fuzzy yarn balls on it?
so...it took BALLS?
If you scroll down fast enough, it almost looks animated....
Sadly #2 was all too real. My husband has a small home based business where he does catering and baking. This was made by him and he says there was nothing wrong with it.....back!
Kill it!!!! Kill it with fire!!
Store your cake wisely.
Magnetic mothballs are best
to ensure freshness.
For the fourth cake, had I been there I would have "accidentally" tripped and fallen against the table pushing the cake into the fireplace. That would have been awesome! There is just no excuse for any of these wrecks. John, I would have done the same thing.
Dear John (because I've always wanted to write that!):
May I please borrow your wonderful cartoons? I can really use them. I've been trying to apply for health insurance on healthcare.gov since the site went live, and I'm still not finished. My insurance company is pulling out of my state on Dec. 31, and if I don't get this finished by Dec. 23, I am screwed. Unfortunately, they still have not verified my identity, so I don't think my chances look good.
I promise I will not tell the Secret Service where I got the cartoons. So pretty please, can I use them?
Signed,
Nervous Nellie in Nebraska
P.S. Not even in my worst nightmare have I made a cake that looked as bad as cake no. 2.
LMAO!!!!
sometimes i just can't bear to look at these cakewrecks, so i can't imagine have to look though who knows how many pictures to find ones to post.
Oh man my brain was gone after the Cinderella catastrophe. She must have fallen into the frosting and drowned. Poor thing. Wow..just wow. And how on earth did these wreckerators get these cakes so horribly wrong??
@Tink* - darn it, you beat me! Though, if you stretch the definition a bit, I think I found 3 hidden Mickeys in that last cake.
@mel - Wondrous commenting! :-)
@Haiku Joy - <giggle-snort!>
@John(thoj) - Thank goodness it's CyberMonday. Should be able to find a replacement superfast & supercheap! ;-)