You Might Be A Wreckerator If...
September 7, 2012 Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?
Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:
You Might Be A Wreckerator If....
- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.
;)
;)
;)
- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.
- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.
"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."
- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."
- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."
- ...you like to watch CSI for the design inspiration.
- ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:
- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.
- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:
And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...
...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.
(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)
Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Joshua S., Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.
So what'd I miss, guys? Share your favorite "you might be a wreckerator if..." in the comments, and maybe I'll pick some to feature in a future post. You know, if they're funny. Or say nice things about me. I'm also not above bribery. And I like Whoopie Pies. (Mmmmm, whoooopie piiiiies...)
Reader Comments (122)
A baby's head on a chicken... Nestled next to a phallic "bottle". Was that wreckerator going for a Fail or a Win?!
You might be a wreckatator if.....
Your worst nightmare consists of a faceless woman chasing you with a camera in one hand and a fork in the other.
Am I the only one who thinks that "baby" looks like a pink Thanksgiving turkey with a freaky baby head put on it? *Shudder.
Can't sleep, clown cake will eat me, can't sleep clown cake will eat me(along with baby cake) D: the CSI cake isn't that bad, for a medical, nursing or forensics student. The rest of them LOLOL
That baby bottle looks like the wrong piece of anatomy for a child to be suckling.
Ugh! That undead baby cake scared the crap out of me. Sincerely got shivers. The ghost of that baby should haunt that "decorator" for the rest of their life.
Jeez, you had me really wondering for a second there with that baby cake. First, it's deformed, and then I couldn't figure out what that "appendage" next to it was. At first I was thinking an extra leg or arm in a weird place, then I decided it was something naughty, and finally I realized it was a baby bottle. I think. It still looks naughty to me, but my mind is in the gutter. The "more plastic than frosting" cake made me laugh, but it's pretty tacky. And heck, it would take half an hour to get all the garbage off of it so you could cut it and eat. I'm thinking about ordering a cake for a party in two weeks, and a part of me is really hoping it turns out horrendous so I can submit it here!
You might be a wreckerator if you see Piacco's work as an excellent example of Realism.
I'm usually the first to roll my eyes at the literal cakes, but as someone who works in retail, I want to give a huge high five to the baker that did #11. If you're going to be that much of douche to someone asking a simple question of what you want on a cake, you deserve to have that douchebaggery immortalized in icing.
I'm not all witty and stuff like you, so I have no "you might be a wreckerator if"s, but...
I'd totally make you these key lime whoopie pies if it wouldn't make me a creepy Internet stalker and/or if you were in the NYC metro area. Srsly, they're so awesome that my freaking mother-in-law (who introduced me to whoopie pies!) thinks these are "the best ever".
P.S. You can send my "most awesome comment ever" award via carrier pigeon.
Hmmm... the only thing I can figure out from the "clues" is that it is a sunset over the ocean.??
Is it me or does that baby's bottom look like a plucked chicken?
You might be a wreckerator if you think, "That sounds really tricky." but you say, "Sure, I can do that!"
Is it just me or does the baby's bottle look like a c**k?
Oh, dear. In my happy place, that's a baby bottle on the babycake, and not a battery operated marital aid.
Sung to “Smooth Operator”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TYv2PhG89A
Causing strife, killing joy
You ruin cakes with minimum grace, and maximum “OY!”
Spelling right’s not in your sights
Where “Happy” cakes have enough mistakes to get you fired
No place for more flotsam is where it all starts
Never give good taste a chance
Making new mommies eat baby parts
No need to ask
You’re a true Wreckerator
True Wreckerator
True Wreckerator
True Wreckerator
Put some more cupcakes on the cardboard, by the tail
Clearly pipe out “Good Bay Playre.” Epic fail.
Can’t erase CSI disgrace
Eye of Sauron with Mickey Ears
Or is it a face?
Neatness doesn’t count when you’re feeling bold
You’ll write out the F-bomb if that’s what you’re told
Each cake you make is a sight to behold
No need to ask
You’re a true Wreckerator
True Wreckerator
True Wreckerator
True Wreckerator
You might be a wreckerator if you think swirls of thick brown frosting add to a cake, and have no idea what normal humans see when you do it.
No special requests, but a fine whoopie pie recipe is referenced at . Turns out that whoopie pie is an excellent stand-in for carbon atoms.
"You might be a wreckorator if you think there can never be too many sprinkles." "You might be a wreckorator if you think poo is a lovely must-have accent or decoration on a cake."
I can go on and on.... Luv ya bunches Jen et al.
... you don't see the difference in the primary colors of red, blue and yellow! (not to mention all the other color variations)
Are banana ducks a thing?
You might be a wreckerator if you like jamming cookies into mounds of blue frosting and calling it 'Cookie Monster'. (There may possibly be a cupcake in there, maybe.)
You may be a wreckerator if you don't know how to spell congradulat... congroandulstions.... congrads... congratulations.
You may be a wreckerator if you don't know Epcot.
To be fair, that last one IS kindda funny...
I think the autopsy cake is cool and was done well.
Sharyn lolol thanks for the laughes
Isn't the baby's head and arm on backwards relative to the body? Perhaps contortions are the new thing?
That last one is brilliant - serves them right for being like that....
You might be a wreckerator....
...if you've ever described edible images as "tasty".
...if you think saying, "Yeah, I can do that" makes it true.
...if you just love Salvador Dali's "realism".
You may be a wreckerator if your princess cakes scare away all the children or look like they had breast or lip enhancement done.
You might be a Wreckerator...
... if a typical customer response is "Dear God, what IS that thing?!"
You might be a wreckerator if you mean to write "Picasso" but actually write "Piacco", read it over twice and still don't notice until your comment is out there for the whole world to see. (Oops!)
Hey, Jen, thanks for thinking up a challenge that will keep me from getting anyting useful accomplished today! (It's OK.. I didn't want to clean anyway...)
You might be a Wreckerator if:
1. You have NEVER -- not even once -- used an apostrophe correctly.
2. You find that "I before E with X after C" rule extremely useful when you're trying to remember how to recite the alphabet.
3. The "balloons" you piped on a cake impregnated the Barbie doll you'd shoved into it's top.
Between 1) Jen's "Ghostbusters" quote, 2) The irony of the sweetness of the douche magooshness on the last cake, and 3) Sharyn's line of Eye of Sauron with Mickey ears, this post is an epic win, and a much needed laugh this morning.
I gotta tell ya, that cookie at the end is a riot. Maybe I'm just hanging with the wrong crowds (or there's something in Orlando's water), but pretty much everyone I know would laugh if given that cookie. Well, if I were to give anyone a cookie pretending to be a cake. Which I wouldn't. But, still, it's a hoot.
You might be a wreckerator if you browse the dollar store looking for that perfect finishing touch for your cake.
You might be a wreckerator if you think spermalloons add a festive touch.
Pretty sure that the third from the bottom is actually a picture of Sauron's eye after he did a bunch of acid.
I got on here to comment about that turkey body on the baby, but it looks like I'm not the only one who saw it. *shudder
@zoomom -- Well, obviously you did that on purpose, right? For the delicious irony.
(You're not alone. I'll proof something 3 or 4 times, and AS I AM HITTING THE "create post" button I'll see the typo. Too late! My husband doesn't even ask anymore when I click and scream "Noooooooo!" at the same time...)
You might be a Wreckerator if...
Your working creed is "frosting solves everything!"
You've ever said "nah, it's fine, they'll never notice."
You don't quite get why customers are laughing.
... (blinkblink)... (blink)... (blink)... I know what the third one from the bottom LOOKS like... (blink)... I think I last saw that image in my Grade 9 Biology textbook... O.O
You might be a wrecktator if...
The majority of your cakes, pastries, etc end up being ” accidently” phallic
Haha You're fabulous! Hope you're feeling better! :D
You might be a wreckerator if...
You consistently decorate cakes in your second language.
I kinda like the Dali-esque scissors on the operation cake. I'm sure that's the theme the bakery was going for: "The Persistence of Wreckery."
You may be a wreckerator if you think that round cupcakes can form any geometric shape if you JUST put enough frosting on them . . .
The baby cake body looks like a rotisserie chicken! I feel bad for the poor recipient who had to cut into that and graciously had to eat it! Eeeeewwww! I can't fathom having to eat that!!!
Okay, I kind *like* the one with all the plastic clowns... Dunno why, but I do!
And the baby one? How did the opportunity to point out how much the bottle resembles a c**k slip by? It's even got the underseam!
You might be a Wreckerator if you inadvertently make something innocent look like private bits.
(see also: cakes #5 and #9)
As an ode to Hieroymous Bosch worked in cake and horrifying molded plastic bits, that clown cake is a masterpiece.
I agree with Lisa about photo #11. And the customer did get what s/he asked for because that cookie is darned funny.
that last one is spot on
You might be a wreckerator if:
You think camouflage is a color.
You think creating realistic delicate lace designs out of sugar is a cinch.
You think nothing says “tasty treat” like a flour based body part that is usually kept out of sight.
Jen,this is NOT a bribe: Yesterday my whoopie pies won first place at our local grange fair (I'm going to hang the blue ribbon next to my naked mohawk carrot jockey!) If I could think of a way to send you one, I would do so in a minute! Once again, NOT a bribe.