You Might Be A Wreckerator If...
September 7, 2012 Bakers, do you worry that you, too, might be a wreckerator?
Well, have no fear, pastry pros! There are plenty of warning signs to look for:
You Might Be A Wreckerator If....
- ...you consider "happy" a four-letter word.
;)
;)
;)
- ...your cakes have more plastic on them than frosting.
- ...when you say, "I could just eat you up!" to a baby, you really mean it.
"It's...looking at me."
"Ugly little spud, isn't it?"
"I think it can hear you, Ray."
- ...cupcake cakes are your "specialty."
- ...your family crest says, "Spell check is for loosers."
- ...you like to watch CSI for the design inspiration.
- ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:
- ...you're frequently asked what time the earthquake hit.
- ...you pride yourself on following customer requests to the letter:
And finally, you might be a wreckerator if...
...you have to ban photography in your bakery to stop your cakes from showing up on Cake Wrecks.
(I get the e-mails, folks; I know you're out there!)
Thanks to Kimber, Amy S., Lori M., Carrie M., Whitney, Mary Rose, Liz, Joshua S., Stephanie B., Lisa R., & JR, who think it'd make more sense to just hire better bakers, but that's why they're not "good" management material.
So what'd I miss, guys? Share your favorite "you might be a wreckerator if..." in the comments, and maybe I'll pick some to feature in a future post. You know, if they're funny. Or say nice things about me. I'm also not above bribery. And I like Whoopie Pies. (Mmmmm, whoooopie piiiiies...)
Reader Comments (122)
I WANT A PURPLE/GREEN VAGINA CAKE!!!
I was so relieved when I got to the comments section and read that I was not the only one who thought the baby looked like a chicken with a baby's head stuck on it... and a really terrible excuse for a baby bottle.
As if a baby cake that looks like a just-plucked chicken with a backwards head and phallic "bottle" weren't enough, said baby has accidentally been placed in the open mouth of the giant baby-eating monster. His circular jawboned and hinged so that they open flat an dare ringed with teeth. The better to eat you with, dear chicken baby!
You might be a wreckerator if you hire Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor to attach an air compressor to your spray painter so you can dump every piece of clown/bell/flower flotsam you own into a bucket and spay it onto the sides of your tier cake. In true Toolman fashion, everyone at the party flees into the night, screaming in terror at the clowns and the bells and the out-of-control sprayer. Yikes!
Give it up for Sharyn!!
I never thought I'd see the day when you topped supercalifragilicous! Most people just see a cherry pie. I see a bunch of clowns saying, "Why can't we live together?" ( That's an image that will haunt me for a long time.) You see Smooth Operator. Is it a crime that we are all so jealous that your every word seems to be that easy? In short, it is paradise to read your posts. Now, I'm just waiting for a cookie cake inscribed "Congradulashuns on Frankie's First Affair."
I am definitely a wreckorator after the last two cakes I made on a friend's request for a bridal shower - I made a penis that squirted pudding and a vagina to go with it. It was priceless (except for the $60 I got paid for them).
I think Jasry's comment is the best! Well done, Jasry. Well done.
Have you seen today's Google logo?
I'm with the others... that baby seriously looks like a pink chicken. Somethin' ain't right.
You might be a wreckerator if you keep a handy stack of Pan-Wows for all of you baking needs.
There is a penis next to the baby....am I the only one seeing this? It is like the lit**le Mer**ma**id all over again....and further down a vagina with a serious case of an STD. Just sayin!
The conversation for cake #9 clearly went something like this:
"What would you like on your cake?"
"A pussy with big fluffy white ears."
You also might be a wreckerator and are letting spellcheck on your iPad take over. Sorry for all the mistakes!
You might be a wreckerator if you look at a cake mold and imagine all the *other* things you could disguise that cake to be. You know we've all looked at that turkey mold and thought "hmmm...baby!"
Does the duck cake remind anyone else of the yellow dragon from the Atari game Adventure?
Ghostbusters FTW! I'm kinda sad that there aren't any terrible bakeries here in Huntsville. (Or at least I haven't found one, yet) Everytime I'm in a grocery store or bakery, I look for something like these monstrosities, but I've only seen a few questionable cupcake cakes that aren't really Wreck worthy. *sigh*
You might be a wreckerator if you think that the letters of the alphabet are interchangeable. Just for some unique flair, you see. We don't want to make cakes that look like everyone else's...why would we want to make words that look like everyone else's?
"Happy Falker Satherhood!"
The third from the bottom is *clearly* a very very accurate "birth" cake of an Orion slave girl. Clearly.
My husband says the back half of the baby one looks like a chicken.
#5 is alive.
Sort of.
PLEASE tell me the eyes are closed and the lids are bright pink for some unknown reason.
Well I give up. Is the mystery one an infected vagina or the Eye of Sauron?
- ...you not only know what this is, you think it's well done:
A cookie cake to celebrate the "birth" of your child. Look! See there is the hair!!!
shudder
If you keep accidentally hitting your dog with your white cane...
If you've always thought it was called "Butt-cream" frosting, and that it's just blobs of chocolate frosting...
...YOOUUU might be a Wreckerator.
Sorry, late to the party but I couldn't resist.