Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
This birthday cake is every proctologist's dream! Right up there with "assman" license plates.
Jenamarie (wife of George)
I'll bet that the decorator felt awesome after pushing that one out... I mean after dumping the icing onto... I mean I bet he felt awesome when he was rid of it!
I have a couple "Awesome" things about the last photo.
1. Look how they artfully placed that poo, I mean cake on that marble slab...marble slabs improve everything, because they're...yep awesome.
2. The glistening of the "icing" is just so picture perfect...right? No...dang, though I was on to something...
I love the marble that is resting on. Oh, and bonus--you can turn it upside down in a fondue pot, and melted chocolate is yummy!
Just look at the almost-perfectly sized mouse hole. How awesome is a cake with a mouse living under it? And what is even more awesome? That mouse has marble floors. How many of us can say we have marble floors? A mouse living in a cake and having marble floors is awesome.
They did a great job of getting the icing nice and shiny.
Yeah.
Look at that! Shiny frosting! You know how hard it is to get shiny frosting! Awesome! ;)
The marble slab is stylish and awesome. And the cake looks like a Japanese good luck charm. Good luck is awesome!
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/images/photos2007/ek20070320wha.jpg
I bet that the person who made that last cake feels a LOT better now that that's done. Think of the RELIEF that person must feel now!
Sincerely,
Melissa Saunders
P.S. And if somebody else said that first, I didn't copy them. I just didn't read the other comments before posting.
it's shiny poop and who isn't attracted to shiny things?
plus you can give a second go at your corn and nuts. eep, a second go at your nuts..ummm...
-Dr. Princess L'aura Vander Van De Stewartsmastra
Parade Cake! I mean, I see these on the street at parades all the time. Who doesn't love parades? Awesome!
It looks super chocolately and chocolate is the breakfast of champions.
Wow. When I see that I think "Someone can now fit into their pants comfortably again - and they are proud enough to display it!"
-Rhynwa
Look - it's the entrance to the Batcave! Awesome!
TracyO (tracybakes.com)
Unlike inferior materials such as cardboard cake bases, cheap plastic platters, or even cheap, aluminum, ready-to-rust pizza pans, this cake is laid on a foundation of marble. Solid rock my friends. Why, they call this the "Peter" cake. Peter was well known as being "the rock", though what you may not know is he was also famed for his shiny posterior (due to all the wiping! Sanitation!.... of course!)
And in his honor, we hereby use marble - strait from the quarries of South Korea - for our cake platters. Because nothing says "cleanup is easy!" - I mean "we're serious about our cakes" - quite like marble. And marble is AWESOME!
(Georgeanna from South Korea)
What a GLOSSY chocolate cake! They really got some height with that frosting, and just LOOK at how straight the sides of the bottom cake are! And the artful presentation on such elegant marble...I'm sure this is an exceptionally aromatic dessert piled high with antioxidant, mouth-watering goodness that is hard to resist!
--Vanessa Martin
(WV = ident...ident tink dey vill buy my steaming load of...)
Isn't it awesome how the icing is so evenly run across the top (because I do believe it is run inducing) to hide what was first plopped there? Very considerate of that baker IMO
Black Hills Toni (because my last name is too generic as well)
well, it looks like there *might* be a ..."normal".. cake down there in the bottom left corner? so really, that is awesome - the baker decided a photo of poo cake was more important than of a "normal" cake.
It's so shiny! Who doesn't like shiny pile of...uh...yeah!
It glistens. 'Nuff said.
-Allyson in UT
Marble slabs are awesome! (yes, very uncreative and un-funny. I'm counting on the random win!
Karen Summers
Well I am not a decorator of any sorts but at least the last cake makes me feel better about my latest creation...and good feelings are AWESOME!
-Miriam S. (baker of delicious yet not so appealing to the eye things)
WOW! That was Awesome!
That cake was a "unique" interpretation of a beehive and beehives are Awesome because without bees there will be no honey and Honey is sweeeeeet!
Thanks Jen, The book sounds cool, can't wait to read it!
~Sandy S., Utah
It's so shiny---shiny is awesome! What do I have to eat to get shiny poop like that? - Lindsey I-Want-Shiny-Poop
These cakes all have several awesome things about them.
First, they make MY cake decorating efforts look FABULOUS!(And that alone takes skill, and makes them awesome).
Second, they provide much needed jobs to employees, who (lets face it) probably can't work anywhere else.
Third, they give Jen so @#$%^ much to work with, in her ongoing quest to make me snort milk out of my nose EVERY DAY.
IT JUST DOESN'T GET MORE AWESOME THAN THAT.
Lately, I have been looking at birthday cake ideas online with my almost 5 year old, trying to choose what we should make for his birthday that's coming up in a few weeks. He just happened to walk up when I was reading this post and, after seeing the cakes pictured, said rather nervously, "I don't want any of those." Then, more firmly as he walked away, "I don't want any of those!"
The fact that my son thought that I was looking at those cakes for consideration makes me laugh. Poor kid will probably be worried until his birthday.
The "decorator" obviously finished this one in a hurry so he could get to his kid's barmitzfa, and barmitzfas are totally awesome.
OOOOOhhh, SHINY!! That's awesome! Tammy Moore
See. . . I told you eating fiber would work
That cake is a real stinker...I mean SINKER and sinkers are AWESOME they are full of fiber and part of a healthy diet.
I feel the need to point out that the "scarecrow" thing is not a cake. It's a Danish pastry. My in-laws got one that looks eerily similar for my daughter's first birthday, though it says "1 år" instead of "5 år."
I'm not defending it. Just clarifying. :P Maybe Danes think it looks good, but I'm still American, even if my husband isn't.
It's quite shiny, and shiny makes me think of money and since today is Tax Day we could all use a little more "awesome" shiny money.
Sorry, just couldn't resist.
I'm painfully unfunny (thanks for the reminder John-the-hubby-of-Jen) but I dod have to say that I'd love a marble cutting board like the one that last glorious cake is sitting on. And that's as positive as I get, folks!
The contract between the chocolate and the white marble, well ist just AWESOME!
It's a chocolate haystack
any cow would attack.
What? Already been here?
Then it's just waste, I fear.
What's not to like about a cake with a mousehole? Oh...
That icing looks really thick and fudgy, and you can barely notice the spot they missed!!
Well, it appears to be chocolate and it is on marble and, and.....
Nanny from Georgia
Marble cutting board - awesome; it really suits the elegance of the cake!
Mandy O.
It's a shiny cake made of chocolate.... I hope. And the marble cutting board is very pretty. The bottom layer looks like it is nice and round. And... yeah. That's all I've got. Thanks for the laugh! Jen Range
What is awesome about this cake is it's zen...it reminds us that when we try to fill up our lives with meaningless debris, we feel heavy and weighted down (bloated and gassy even, by our material desires). It is only by sitting quietly and meditating on nothing (occassionaly aided by an out-of-date car magazine) that we can unload this extra baggage. Then, purged of our heavy load, we can feel that the empty void we now feel within is not to be rejected but to be accepted as is brings us closer to our spiritual one-ness with the nothingness of the universe. ohm.....
Like vampires (apparently), this cake glitters in the sunlight!
Shiny!!! Really shiny! I like shiny things, they are fun...to...stare....at. Okay, okay not for too long. But shiny is AWESOME!!! Especially when you are high (on life!)
Rowena
Roxie 312
At least there's no stuffed animal or misspelled word on it to detract from the shininess.
It's so, um... SHINY! Yeah.. Perfect for distracting you from the large, lumpish form on top and asking too many questions. Being distracted from learning something potentially stomach-turning? AWESOME!
-Judi B.
Jeccaess
You see that little hole at the bottom? That wreckerator is actually pulling off an "Extreme Burrow Makeover" for some lucky little mouse family. Providing housing for vermin = AWESOME.
It's shiny! And uh..shiny things are pretty! Like mirrors and gold!
Bethany J.
Wow! What a shiny frosting job!
The Fable of One Poor Brown Cake
by Robert Williams
Papa Dung Beetle: Look kids! We've stumbled upon the mythical Taj Manure. No more puttering around the planet pushing other people's poop around. It's our very own Manure Manor, our Poo Palace, our Feces Fortress! Let's move into this magnificent meadow muffin right now!
Little Dung Beetle Children: AWESOME!
Pap Dung Beetle: Oh crap, this isn't genuine gauno, it's just a cleverly concealed, counterfeit cake!
Little Dung Beetle Children: Oh poo!
Moral of the Story: Alliteration is AWESOME!
The fudge on that cake looked absolutely delicious... gooey and chocolatey are both good things in fudge... which is how I plan to think of that... em... "fudge" pile!
It's awesome because after you finish cover the hive in poo, the bees can't get out to sting you...
Not being stung by poo covered bees: Awesome!
and my name is Lisa B-soon-to-be-H (and I think my fiance would really enjoy that book) :)