Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
Chocolate! Chocolate is super awesome!
Molly B.
...do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are a chocolate bunny, and may end up like this...
That chocolate cake is craptastic!
It looks just like a chocolate dipped ice cream cone from Dairy Queen!
Well, once it has melted at least...
Isn't that a great piece of marble it's sitting on??? Combine it with the knife from #5, then cutting the cheese just got even more AWESOME! I mean, that marble makes the cake come in #2 in the photo!
The icing is so shiny! And smooth! And, uh, did I already mention shiny?
My word verification is "colywarl" which makes me think of a nice shiny colon. Shiny is good!
Karyn
The marble slab is so nice and square. And the base of the cake is so nice and round. Shapes are always awesome. And, um, the upper portion of the cake is so nice and... lumpy... Lumpy is always... is... damn, I give up.
[pondering....] um... it would be an excellent educational tool to teach kids... why to watch what they eat... (YAeh!)
The top looks like it might still be warm. Warm melty chocolate? awesome
Well let's see... it looks like a collapsed beehive that someone just PLOPPED on there, and bees ARE awesome, in their own way. Kinda. And marble is awesome. And... oh, poo - that's all I can come up with.
I WAS about to eat breakfast. Now I think I'll just wait till lunch
www.princessdlyn.blogspot.com
Chocolate frosting / Glazy, melty, tasty, warm / Into my gullet.
"My, goodness, how ... shiny. Why, I can see myself in the reflection."
Tricia Lee
Okay, so Bob the Blob finds himself near inertia, having been shoved into a darkened cooler and set upon a fuh-reeezing piece of marble.
Never one to despair, the awesomeness that is Bob the Blob finds himself inching.ever.closer.to.the.too-cute-for-words custard in front of him every time someone opens the door to the cooler.
The real dilemma,for His Awesomeness, is that the custard stands a better chance of escaping this fresh Hades than he has.
Alas, as the screen fades to black we see our hero shoved farther and farther back on the shelf. Everyone who enters muttering, "There's no way I'm touching that thing."
The End
CJ Anderson
The fact that it's so shiny means it will easily distract, say, a charging 3 year old! Or a charging bear! Or a charging former president! So really, it can help you defend yourself in the wild.
-Mrs. Garrett
The icing is so smooth and shiny it makes me want to shout "ca-ca doodly do-do"!!!! Awesome!!!
....di in la la land!
It's so gorgeously shiny! And they so clevely left a section of the cake for people that don't like frosting!
~Anne the librarian
OK, here goes:
Uh ... that cake is awesome because ... it looks like it came out of the back end of an elephant. And elephants are awesome! Man, I love elephants, don't you?
Also, it's probably the shiniest poo you'll see all day. And shiny things are awe... uh, kind of nice (especially if you're a magpie).
I should have worn Depends today because my awesome clean colon is spasming with laughter. LMFAO!! Too freakin' funny> I am amazed that people will actually be proud? of those "creations". Someone needs a slap...a positive one..LOL
Oh come on, this is too easy. I've never made a coating that glossy in my life. Glossy is AWESOME.
The last cake, and I use the term "cake" loosely, looks like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter. And Harry Potter is awesome. In all seriousness, is there really anything better than ganache? No, I didn't think so. - Lori Lee
I think it's awesome that they are letting the horses roam the halls of the palace these days. So much better than the dirty barn.
Steve Nutella Man
Just looking at that cake makes it easier to stick to my diet. And that is AWESOME!
The only thing even remotely awesome about the last wreck is the marble board. I want one of those!
A shiny poop cake? Not so much.
What a beautiful piece of marble!! As soon as I've thrown the cake in the toile-- I mean trash, it will make a beautiful stepping stone in my garden!
I love how there's a little hole at the bottom of the beehive for the bees to get in and out of. That's very important in the honey making process. How awesome of the decorator to pay such close attention to detail. JILL READING
Just realized after seeing my above comment that my google account identity doesn't give my name... it's Heather. Too boring? Um, Heather the Buzzard. Yeah, that is actually my nickname. Don't ask.
Love that beautiful board it's sitting on. Also, the icing is so shiny
oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiny....
It comes with a surprise hidden underneath all that glossy chocolate. Correctly guess what is piled on top and you win!
http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
What's awesome is I imagine it doesn't smell like it looks!
The baker left a hole in the icing so we could see the cake is chocolate, and made the icing SHINY so the light could gracefully bounce off of it, blinding us to the lack of symmetry in the whole thing. Then the baker artfully mounted the cake on a beautiful marble slab with accents that draw our eyes away from the cake. Wow!
Mary Craig
Whats awesome about that last cake? Chocolate ganache. Chocolate ganache is awesome.
The awesome part about this cake is anything to do with feces make my husband laugh. Olivia Lefort
It's so SHINY!
at least the icing has a nice sheen to it. someone knows how to temper chocolate. -olga korolev
The surprise factor of course, who knows what you will find under that shiny chocolate...
I tried to imagine what could have such shape, but I really don't know.
What a lovely marble base!
Well, it looks like an almost well shaped beehive that maybe wanted to be a volcano. Its nice.
The cake has a lovely gloss to it. it reflects the light beautifully in the photo.
Krista D
Not wanting to be left out, the dog wanted to contribute something to the birthday party. Good dog.
"You tell me..."
Well, there is clearly a lovely little Hobbit hole in the cake! It must be Lord of the Rings themed. ;)
Lovely cutting board. I mean who doesn't want a marble cutting board that is so sturdy it can hold an entire pile of... well... er... cake. Sturdy cutting boards are AWESOME!
The display case arrangers (because it is too well done for it to have been the wreckerator) were smart enough to put a cheesecake in the front of the display that is almost pretty enough to distract from the poo pile!
Lovely cutting board. I mean who doesn't want a marble cutting board that is so sturdy it can hold an entire pile of... well... er... cake. Sturdy cutting boards are AWESOME!
I can see the Virgin Mary in it!
Jeff Huong
Look! It's a beehive made of chocolate! And with the crisis we're having with bees, chocolate hives might be just the thing to cure it!
Yeah....
Ahhhh The Flow! Don't we all want some nice smooth shiny flow in the morning - There is really nothing more you can ask for!
(and what if you have a really common first name - like Cindy, but your last name is out of control crazy like Anderson?)
The best part of the last cake is that the oddly shiny icing does at least cover up the horror that lies beneath it.
Ummmm yeah sorry, i got nuthin!
I like how the cake decorator wasn't deterred from attempting to make this look like a cupcake. Just because you have a flat 9 inch wide by 1.5 inch tall cake is no reason not to go ahead and add 7 inches of icing on top.
I can hear it now, "What? Why won't this icing pour out and settle like it does on a cupcake? Oh well, we're going for height not perfection."
Awesome.