The Apostrophe is Silent
May 19, 2009 (ATTN PARENTS: This post contains material somewhat "adult" in nature.)
Once upon a time there was a girl named Amber.
Amber decided that school was not for her. Fortunately, she had loving and supportive parents.
One day Amber was offered an exciting new job. To celebrate, she added an apostrophe to her name, thinking it would make her seem more sophisticated. Again, her parents were supportive.
Unfortunately, introducing herself as "Amber - the apostrophe is silent" did not yield the results Amber was hoping for. Still, she did make some new friends at work: Cassie the C...er...Cat, and "Long Lips" Lisa.
Of course, every job has its hazards:
Which Lisa and Cassie were always there to commiserate with:
Then one day, after an unfortunate misunderstanding between the girls and a city health inspector looking for "clogged plumbing", disaster:
Amber said goodbye to her newfound - albeit diseased - friends, and despaired over finding another job to suit her rather unique skill set and wardrobe. Fortunately, her ever-supportive parents were way ahead of her:
THE END.
Thanks to today illustrious Wreckporters Wendy E., Monique R., Alex H., Michele D., & Amber (no apostrophe) S., and Alexa B.
Reader Comments (209)
oh NO.
!!!
Although, as usual, I LOVE Jen's commentary, most of these cakes were obviously made just to send to cake wrecks. Right?? Please please please tell me I am right. Civilization cannot possibly have sunk to these levels. Right? Right?
WV:UNSOC. Excuse me while I unsoc my feet.
I prefer the 'family friendly' version of Cake Wrecks.
It’s very simple. This site requires an NSFW labeling because, well, people are wondering why every morning about the same time I’m at my desk making choking noises while I try not to laugh out loud. And today’s post is no exception! Why…what? The little dancing romantic figures on the herpes cake? And…getting FIRED via cake? Isn’t that illegal? And…OMG, what ARE those bloated-Raviolio-looking THINGS on that last cake? Implants?!? No-no-no-no-nooooooo!
^..^
WV: halis. What the halis wrong with these cakes?
What are those lumps on the pole dancer cake? I see something totally inappropriate!!
It's like a word journey.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :D
What are those clam like things on the last cake? Did the pole dancer get crabs?
Proof that those with absolutely NO CLASS celebrate with cake too.
A "You're Fired" cake?
Brilliant!
I wonder why I never got one of those.
Why is there parsley on the Pole Dancer cake? The melted ice cream I can sort of deal with. the coffee beans to indicate the flavor of the ice cream? But Parsley? On a Cake?
What. The. Heck.
This is one of the most bizzare wreck pastiches you've come up with thus far, Jen. That is a compliment. A somewhat befuddled, stunned, I-can't-believe-I'm-seeing-what-I'm-seeing compliment, but a complement nevertheless.
Is that supposed to be *Hummus* on the chocolate pole-dancer cheesecake?
Oh. My. Gosh.
xDDDD
Gracious!
Dad sent me a text message from my brother's senior trip in Florida:
"You'll be proud of us. We had to do this stupid progressive dinner thing so the boys and I got a cookie cake and had them write 'It's a Gril'"
Byos! (Boys!)
i'm impressed that the wreckorator got "you're" right on the "you're fired" cake!
Are you sure those are real cakes???
Cripes, what the H-E-double hockeysticks was that all about?
Love the herpes cake! So are we to assume that Disney Princesses aren't all disease free?
oh my. Any one of these individually would be wreck worthy, but the story tying them all together? Priceless. Not just a word journey, but a career wreck journey. Jen, I do believe you have outdone yourself. Hats off.
o__o Wow. That was some story! The "You're Fired" cake seems pretty ridiculous. Who would want to stay and have cake if they were getting fired?!
Sleeping Beauty *was* my favorite Disney movie... until today....
I really need to stop drinking tea in the morning when I read this blog! My computer screen invariable gets spewed upon!
This was the funniest dang thing I've seen in awhile! lolol....
Are you kidding me?! I really shouldn't be in shock that they actually make cakes that say these things, but amazingly, I am! Only Jen could make something so astonishing into something truly hilarious! Great story, Jen! :)
SUPERMAN gave her HERPES?!?!?
But, ever the gentleman, he takes her dancing and buys her a cake to apologize.
Y'know, Cassie Cat reminds me of Reynard Noir . . . which left me with an odd mental image, as Cassandra has higher standards than that.
Wow. It's not often one sees an entire sordid life played out in pastry with such verve and detail.
I am in equal parts stunned, mystified, educated, and amused.
Verification word: aphadin. Fraction of a whole din.
I thought I knew how tacky humans could be.
I was wrong.
Wow, I'm a little scared that you had so many cakes for this little story. Too funny, though.
Makes me mad I didn't get a cake for when I got mono. Or broke my arm. Because apparently any occasion calls for cake, even those you can't say with flowers.
How much do I LOVE how you constructed this story? You devious genius, you.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
This was very funny. I appreciate the censored plastic boobies on the pole dancer but those "blobs" on that cake look like they need to be covered up as well. They look....well, they look.....
ROFL
Oh holy cow...I had no idea that cakes could be so...truthful. Kind of puts a spin on "sugar coating" it.
That third cake is such an odd place to find Sleeping Beauty and her Prince...
WV: yortsm - Random yacht parts found in the ocean along with flotsam and jetsam.
OMG lol, hillarious
Love the Disney themed herpes cake. I wonder if there's any connection? You know, Spring Break in FL, made a little side trip to Disney, got a little drunk on the Pirate's ride, woke up in "It's a Small World Hell" hungover and contaminated. It could happen.
Guess it just goes to show you that there's a cake for ever occasion. :)
But Jen,,,um.. did you FORGET your apostrophe this morning: Thanks to today illustrious Wreckporters..." Maybe that baker used them all up. :) Hehehe..
sick.
i want my funeral to have my life story told in cakes now.
......words elude me......
*blink* *blink* *blink*
The herpes cake is actually nicely done... wow... as Judy said, those with no class still celebrate with cake and these no-class-folks at least found a nice bakery.
Those were real cakes? Wow.
This post reminds me of last night's Rules of Engagement. It involved a penis cake for a "adult toy" party. Of course, they didn't show the cake, but there were several witty jokes referring to it.
Perhaps I'm too much of a perv but um. I see "clams" on that pole dancer cake.
Wait, is that Superman dancing with Belle on the Herpes cake? Really?
Anon...haven't you ever tasted Choco-Mocha Parsley Clam Cake (Now With Added Pole-Dancers!)??
Man, you're missing OUT.
WV: grawks. I does not grawks why these cakes was made.
Singularly, the BEST POST EVAR on this site.
Mazel tov!
It's funny that the herpes one is on a kids disney cake (sleeping beauty). lol
Raychel from www.MyCreativeWay.blogspot.com
Just when you think you've seen it all...Jen never fails to entertain (and provide a need for a dishtowel next to the computer...something is needed to wipe up the coffee sprays!)!!!
WV: DOWNU- what Amber, Lisa, and Cassie obviously did one too many times!
To apostrophize:
I address you, silent one,
oh, apostrophe!
wv: unini.
"Unini, Haiku Joy. No one will get that pun."
Wow. Just WOW!
Those are hilariously inappropriate! I love it!
And I have to say my "crap-detector" went off a little, are we sure these are photo-shopped somehow? I just can't believe someone would get a cake saying "We Are Proud Of Our High School Dropout"
I think the "Sorry about your Herpes" cake is the weirdest, just because it's so colourful and the decorating job on it actually isn't awful...
Beyond that, all I can come up with is WTH?!?
I think that looks a lot like hummus on the pole dancer cake too. Um... what??
Otherwise, this is a brilliant post, Jen!