The Apostrophe is Silent
May 19, 2009 (ATTN PARENTS: This post contains material somewhat "adult" in nature.)
Once upon a time there was a girl named Amber.
Amber decided that school was not for her. Fortunately, she had loving and supportive parents.
One day Amber was offered an exciting new job. To celebrate, she added an apostrophe to her name, thinking it would make her seem more sophisticated. Again, her parents were supportive.
Unfortunately, introducing herself as "Amber - the apostrophe is silent" did not yield the results Amber was hoping for. Still, she did make some new friends at work: Cassie the C...er...Cat, and "Long Lips" Lisa.
Of course, every job has its hazards:
Which Lisa and Cassie were always there to commiserate with:
Then one day, after an unfortunate misunderstanding between the girls and a city health inspector looking for "clogged plumbing", disaster:
Amber said goodbye to her newfound - albeit diseased - friends, and despaired over finding another job to suit her rather unique skill set and wardrobe. Fortunately, her ever-supportive parents were way ahead of her:
THE END.
Thanks to today illustrious Wreckporters Wendy E., Monique R., Alex H., Michele D., & Amber (no apostrophe) S., and Alexa B.
Reader Comments (209)
ahahaaaa --- who doesn't want a whale-shaped syphilis cake?
.. long lips lisa ...
oh, jen, that was a wonderful story.
OMG OMG OMG!
That's MY Sleeping Herpes cake! :D I'm so happy you posted it!
If you want some background info, I made a quick blog entry about it. There are more pictures and the backstory for this cake: http://www.alexheberling.com/2009/05/19/sorry-about-your-herpes
Also, the Princess Aurora/Prince Phillip figure were a wind-up thing, so they would spin around on the cake as well, "dancing."
LOL!
I don't even want to know what those things around the pole dancer are supposed to be!!!
0_0
That's all. Just 0_0
Wow, that was just funny! And I haven't seen Fudgie the Whale in so long, I had almost forgotten about him! God bless Carvel!
VW - unfut: to remove ones lower appendage from his embarrassed mouth
I want the back story on the "You're fired" cake from Amber S. since she's the one who submitted it. What kind of boss fires someone that way?
The syphilis cake is in the shape of a whale... who blows air! The herpes cake was hysterical as well, since it looked so beautiful but instead said "sorry about your herpes". I mean really, even if it's for a distasteful reason you can still have a beautiful cake!
Great story, Jen!
WV: menagi. seems to fite with amber's story... he he
BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spat tea all over the monitor. ;)
Hmmmm, they are missing something... let me think.. ahh yes, they need some white curly ribbon! :)
Man...just when you think you've seen it all!
Amber may have had a life of STDs and whoring, but, in the end, she got cake.
What in the heck are those things on the top of the pole dancers cake? They look like oysters. On second thought maybe I don't want to know...
I thin' Amber''s nam' 's shor' fo' somethin' lik' Amberringaroundtherosie or Amberpleadsnocontest or Amberwilldoanythingforattention. So th' apostroph' 's ther' jus' t' tak' th' plac' o' somethin' els'. Yea'?
www.captainjackmakesport.blogspot.com
I've never heard of Carvel or Fudgie the whale. It must be only in the U.S.
The "albeit diseased" part of the sentence REALLY wasn't needed.
I'm sure that message isn't what Carvel had in mind when they created Fudgie the Whale...
I'm so glad I work in an office where if I'm caught snickering at porn/STD/pole-dancing oyster cakes (plus Jen's always-amazing commentary) my boss won't fire me but join me in guffawing.
What do Oysters Rockefeller have to do with pole-dancing prostitutes?
The Syphills Blows should be the next shirt. Freakin' hysterical
What in the heck is on that pole dancer cake?? It looks like a bunch of tiny coochies~ well maybe huge ones if the dancer is only that big!!
Oh my gosh! So hilarious! Loved todays post :) And really, what was with the blobs with grass on the pole dancer cake?! Too funny!!
Ahahaha - that was AWESOME. Great story!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Can't stop laughing :')
Thank you!
hilarious. who gets these cakes!!?
*dies laughing*
I'm not going to complain about the adult themes...it's a welcome break from seeing the Dora cakes from yesterday. The world is balanced again.
>.< My name is Amber.
I can't believe those cakes exist! What a fun job to make cakes, I'm sure they get all sorts of weird orders.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Cake Wrecks appears on this weeks Favorites of the Week at AllMyFaves.com
"Syphilis Blows".
BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*whew*
Well if they do cakes for that stuff, why didn't I get one when I wiped out on the dance floor and my wig came off?
OMG!!! That is hilarious! Funniest post I have ever read on Wrecks!
I thought those were pierogies on the last cake. But after MUCH inspection, it appears to be ice cream. Either way - EW!
I seriously need to know what those things on the last cake are. If I'm being honest, they look like nether regions because I have no idea what else they could be. I'm hoping they're something else though because I couldn't eat a cake with... well... you know. Boob cakes are bad enough.
Brilliant storytelling, Jen!
These cakes are just...just...I'm speechless.
wv: mutival - an unplugged carnival
Flunking unbelievable. There are parents who are actually proud that their child has dropped out of school? Yeah, way to not go, huh? They even capitalize the "dropout" as if it were a title or something... I give up!
(BTW, shouldn't the word be two, as "drop-out"?)
Ah, well...it hardly matters NOW, does it...
=^ee^=
Maybe the little darling can aspire to be the leader of an Underachievers Anonymous group.
----------------------
@Charlotte
" ... that's Sleeping Around Beauty!"
THAT is hilarious! >^~~^<
Best. Post. EVER. omg.
Wow, even with a wicked migraine this post was so worth reading.
Great work Miss Jen!
Oh my. That totally made my week. I LOVE this post! :)
may i sincerely recommend this page? sure cake-terror abounds there!
http://www.coolest-birthday-cakes.com/
Omg, I am laughing until I can't breathe. I'm gasping here folks!
I love the way you wove a story with seemingly non-related cakes, the cakes themselves are cracking me up and I'm thinking that maybe the pole dancer cake should have some more black lines because those..um...mounds...look like, well SOMETHING. I see I'm not the only one who's seeing that too!
I would LOVE to know the story behind these cakes. I'm sure (I hope) that most of them are inside jokes but I really hope someone will recognize them and supply the background. Well done, Jen!
My favorite part? The Sleeping Beauty figurines on the herpes cake. Walt Disney would be so proud!
Jen - your commentary is FABULOUS, as always! The cakes are even more disturbing than usual. And what is WITH the 'clams'? on the last cake? Is that symbolic? Or is she pole dancing on a deserted island? ::confused::
Did anyone else notice that the last cake was cheesecake? And the pole dancer looks to be about 10 months pregnant? Obviously it is coffee cheesecake.
Haiku Joy said...
"To apostrophize:
I address you, silent one,
oh, apostrophe!
...No one will get that pun."
=================
It could drive me crazy; so, pray tell, what's the pun here?
(I like puns.)
Are those beetles crawling out of vaginas on the last cake?
rotfl!! I especially love the storytelling that accompanies the cakes. Without the story telling, the cakes just don't have the same effect.
The pole dancer cake is turning me on in more ways than one...
OMG...I think I wet myself laughing once I got over the initial shock of that one cake (with the coffee beans and all)... I had two thoughts after looking at it, neither of which were right for the kiddie set. (Like other commenters have suggested, rather inappropriate if that's what they are.) Your storytelling, though, was absolutely brilliant! Just goes to prove that even with cakes, some people have no class... and that's funny for those of us who have at least a little bit.
I believe the things on the pole dancer cake are supposed to be oysters.
http://epicurious.blogs.com/features__editor/images/2007/09/25/oysters_and_wine_2.jpg
Oysters are commonly thought to be an aphrodisiac.
Very odd. /giggle
What comes next? You've got to tell me what comes next!!! Amber goes straight? Gets married? Has kids? DIES? Woman you must tell me!
P.S. word verification : unceives -- that's what happens when a baby is made!
i love amber's saga.
sounds like some odd plot line on a soap opera.