Romance is Dead

Look, I don't want to come across as some non-happening, behind-the-times, totally square fuss pot*, but...

Wassup with all the undead wedding cakes?

Creepy-crawly bugs and tongue-kissing skeletons, oh my!

You'd think you'd only see something like this for a Halloween wedding - if ever - but zombie mania is infecting the masses, and like a gnawed off limb, it sure ain't pretty.

Ok, so that was a massive understatement. Bleeeech.

You don't need fancy tier cakes to pull off a "deadly" wedding theme, though. And if you can't afford the tongue-kissing skeleton topper, well hey, that's just what the good Lord invented edible photo paper for!

Yes, I am cheating a little here; this is actually just the groom's cake, not the wedding cake.

This is the wedding cake:

As if the toe tags, "Til Death" inscription and creepy "last embrace" foot positioning weren't enough, I think that's supposed to be ashes sprinkled down the sides. Perhaps this is the happy couples' way of telling their families they prefer cremation?

Guys, I'm telling you, if you want to gross your guests out do it the old fashioned way: by ordering a fruit filling and letting it sit out too long:

Voila! Bleeding cake!

Kathy T., Christine K., Anony M., and Manny & Jennifer S., thanks for the killer finds.

Alright, guys, you tell me: am I coming down too hard on undead wedding cakes? Have you seen a zombie/skeleton/vampire one done well? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com, and maybe I'll feature it this Sunday.

*Particularly since I already did such a good job of that last Thursday.

UPDATE: To all the complainers in the comments: guys, lighten up. You really think I'm hating on goths because I think these cakes are Wrecks? Gimme a break! Wait'll you see this Sunday's selections, and *then* tell me I'm a goth-hater, ok? I'll show you how the undead look should be done.

Related Wreckage: Spooktacular Wedding Cakes

Corporate Sponsored Cakery

With the economy the way it is, companies are having to get pretty creative with their advertising dollars. So, I suppose it was only a matter of time before the corporate-sponsored wedding cake came along.

Now, I was going to make some sarcastic remark about TiVo making all the wedding guests wear fuzzy antennae and providing logo-riddled party favors, but when I checked the photo source I discovered they actually did.

Reality, you win. I just can't compete with your superior level of absurdity.

"Uh, girls? When I suggested a 'diaper cake' for the shower, I meant those cutesy things made of actual diapers. But hey, this is...nice. Really."

I can't be certain, but it looks like there's a beer can embedded in this cake. Which, from the ad exec's perspective, is perfect: the customer gets a cake AND a sample of your product. From the look of that cake, though, I think I'd just take the beer.

Besides, in the battle of the beers you know the one that teams up with Playboy is gonna win every time:

Now that thur cake is Classy with a capital "C", but you can't deny that the can placement is a stroke of genius. Srsly, is there any location on earth that gets more of men's undivided attention than a woman's chest? [waving] Hey, fellas, I'm up here. Hellooo! I said...oh, never mind. I think you just made my point anyway.

(Note: Yes, even the beer can is cake. Amazing, right? [shaking head] It's sad to see great talent wasted - I mean, c'mon: Coors Light?)

Lucinda M., Joy D., Kyla Z., and Summer R., I'm thinking I should get in on this racket. Tell you what: write www.CakeWrecks.com all over the next wedding cake you see, and I'll give you...well, nothing. But I might post the photo here if you send it to me. How's that?