Flip Flops (Hey, Look, a Built-In Pun!)

I once read one of those "You know you're a Floridian when..." lists, and number five was "...you wear flip-flops to a wedding."

Now, as a long-time Florida resident, I feel I should defend my fellow Sunshine Staters by informing the rest of you that they make some *very* dressy flip-flops. Have you seen the ones with the little rhinestones on the straps? [sing-song voice] Daaar-ling! And totally black-tie appropriate, I might add.

Anyway, during the summer months it quickly becomes obvious which Wreckerators have not only never worn flip-flops, but have probably never even seen a pair, either.

If these look right to you, get thee to a podiatrist! Stat!

What the...?

Good grief, that almost makes the cupcake cake [patooie!] version look decent:

Wait.
No...no, it doesn't. Never mind.

Aha! Well there's your problem: these aren't flip-flops, they're "flipp flopps."
Must be a Canadian thing.*

It gets worse when Wreckerators introduce a 3D element:

I honestly have no idea what that is jammed into the cake: Ribbon? Plastic? A moldy fruit roll-up? Bottom line: if you have to ask, don't eat it.

Here's one using either a piece of electrical wiring or a radioactive Twizzler:

But the airbrushing is what really sells it.

Of course, jamming a bit of ribbon or "candy" into a cake for the flip-flop strap is awfully complicated. Someone was bound to screw it up eventually:

*headdesk*

Shana M., Kelly M., Hannah H., Xiaomi Q, Beth C., D'Anna, & Gins V., thanks for taking a step in the wreck direction.

*Yes, actually, I do think that's funny. (Love ya, Canada!)

Note from john - Sorry everybody; I didn't get to comments for fifteen minutes and it appears we have a "bacon" EPCOT. Completely my fault. Sorry and wreck on!

UPDATE: Once again, Google Adsense wins the day! Check out the screen shot Tara G. sent in:

"Flip-Flops in BRIDESMAIDS Colors"
Bwahahahahaa!!

Our World Cup Overfloweth

So apparently this World Cup thing is a big deal. I know because it keeps breaking Twitter. And when Twitter's down, I'm forced to come to grips with my Twitter addiction, and let me tell you, henchpersons; that is NOT something you want me gripping at the crack of noon.

Anyway, when Twitter isn't broken, it has a handy little "World Cup" definition up, along with a soccer ball icon.

By studying this definition ("the largest sporting event in the world") and icon, I have come to the conclusion that the World Cup has something to do with soccer. Or football. Or something sports related.

And, gauging by the tweets and Facebook statuses I've seen, the World Cup also features a lot of these:

Er, those are supposed to be bees.

No, I don't know why they're puking orange jelly.

Or why their hive has an orange jelly door outlined on it.

Look, the point is that bees buzz. And from what I hear, there's a whole lotta buzzing going on at the World Cup.

The source of the buzzing is hundreds and hundreds of of vuvuzela horns:

which look nothing like this.

So anyway, I guess at this point I should probably show you some Soccer wrecks.

Whut.

Hey, this could be a soccer wreck. I mean, really, do you know what it is? No, you do not. Therefore, I think the real question here is, how do you know it's NOT a soccer wreck? Hmm?

Ok, ok, fine. Here:

No, really, it's a soccer cake. Honest.

And this is a drawing of a molecule made with tinker toys:

Or possibly another soccer cake.

How about a few more traditional black and white "balls?"

Note: At this point, I actually had to google "soccer ball" just to remind myself what they're supposed to look like. In case you're in the same boat, here:

Now go scroll up and compare. I'll wait.

[whistling]

All set? Good. One more:

Mmmm. I'm not sure if I want to headbutt it or eat it!

(Ok, that's a lie: I'd definitely prefer the headbutt.)

And finally, a cake diorama of the 2010 World Cup:

Or something.

I mean, it could be, right? I haven't watched any of it, so you tell me: has anyone been shot with an arrow yet? Or have any of the female cheerleader's feet fallen off?

Janet, Dan W., Nina T., Ann S., Rachel L., Hillary H., Aimee P., Jen E., Brandy B., & Sarah W., if that kind of stuff is going on, then I'm totally checking out the World Cup after all.