Our World Cup Overfloweth
June 16, 2010 So apparently this World Cup thing is a big deal. I know because it keeps breaking Twitter. And when Twitter's down, I'm forced to come to grips with my Twitter addiction, and let me tell you, henchpersons; that is NOT something you want me gripping at the crack of noon.
Anyway, when Twitter isn't broken, it has a handy little "World Cup" definition up, along with a soccer ball icon.
By studying this definition ("the largest sporting event in the world") and icon, I have come to the conclusion that the World Cup has something to do with soccer. Or football. Or something sports related.
And, gauging by the tweets and Facebook statuses I've seen, the World Cup also features a lot of these:
Er, those are supposed to be bees.No, I don't know why they're puking orange jelly.
Or why their hive has an orange jelly door outlined on it.
The source of the buzzing is hundreds and hundreds of of vuvuzela horns:
which look nothing like this.So anyway, I guess at this point I should probably show you some Soccer wrecks.
Whut.Hey, this could be a soccer wreck. I mean, really, do you know what it is? No, you do not. Therefore, I think the real question here is, how do you know it's NOT a soccer wreck? Hmm?
Ok, ok, fine. Here:
No, really, it's a soccer cake. Honest.
Or possibly another soccer cake.How about a few more traditional black and white "balls?"
Note: At this point, I actually had to google "soccer ball" just to remind myself what they're supposed to look like. In case you're in the same boat, here:
[whistling]
Mmmm. I'm not sure if I want to headbutt it or eat it!
Or something.I mean, it could be, right? I haven't watched any of it, so you tell me: has anyone been shot with an arrow yet? Or have any of the female cheerleader's feet fallen off?
Janet, Dan W., Nina T., Ann S., Rachel L., Hillary H., Aimee P., Jen E., Brandy B., & Sarah W., if that kind of stuff is going on, then I'm totally checking out the World Cup after all.
Reader Comments (131)
THIS makes my week! Thanks!
I really want to know about that 2nd wreck. Did that "horn" have like, grapes squished into the frosting? It was truly hideous.
That second cake isn't a vuvuzela. It's an Alien chestburster that's been cut in half. Or, maybe it's a cake made for a biology teacher who spent just a little too much time teaching kids how to dissect earthworms. Whatever it is, it'll be on the discount shelf tomorrow.
About the time I got to the Flamingoes cake, I uttered "Dear Lord in heaven." Other than that, I'm speechless.
Holy crap, that third one looks like a diagram of the inner ear!
And that seventh one looks eerily like the symbol for the Umbrella Corporation (in B&W, of course)!
Is that orange thing supposed to be the Arsenal football club cannon? It's so... flaccid.
Demented and moldy soccer balls? Those CCC's have to be given the boot.
What is that last cake??? A track and field meet massacre??
Um... and on that 2nd wreck (I cannot tear my eyes away, it's like a traffic accident)... is that OATMEAL? I mean, with grapes squished into it? I've calculated that it is supposed to be a cornucopia, but it's making me feel queasy.
Ok Jen soccer doesn't have cheerleaders; that's for your American football (as we call it here in Europe). Soccer has supporters, hoards of men (and quite a few women too!)filled up to their eyeballs with adrenaline! LOL! BTW those wreckerators really don't know that a soccer ball is supposed to be ROUND! LOL! And black & white! And I'll add for your own personal information that soccer players cannot touch the ball with their hands (except the goal keeper).
I'd like to see some wrecks of the supposedly demon-possessed ball that is the World Cup special ball this year ... no really, the players say that it doesn't want to be kicked so it moves ... by itself ... just think of the possibilities!
#2's actually pretty obvious...right?
Here's a hint - "He who controls the spice, controls the universe!"
I don't know what that last cake it, but I think I want one.
CW#2: does anyone else think it looks like a compacted colon or an exploding intestine? Ewwww...
I just found your site the other night and I really want to thank you. My husband is away for 5 weeks in training. He is joining the Air Force. Since he has been gone, with three kids at home, it's been stressful.
The other night I spent 3 hours on your site, all alone, laughing so hard I cried. Thank you thank you thank you. I truly needed that! The cakes you feature are hilarious, but it's your wonderfully twisted sense of humor that makes this site so awesome. Thank you again for making my month!!
god, this made me laugh so hard.
i think i need Twitter to break a lot more for stuff like this to come out of you in masses :)
Thanks Jen
The Beehive State is not amused!!!!!
If that abomination of cake sculpting was made in Utah we may need to break out the pitchforks and the torches!
What does a beehive have to do with soccer aka football anyway? There are way too many CCC's(blah!) soccer balls run over by construction equipment(you know those roller things) today.
I think that last one is more of a track and meet gone horribly wrong. It's kind of cute though!
But oh man, those "footballs" look more like poorly planned, soccer themed medicine balls. Although that rose one could have worked so well! ..if they actually paid attention to what a soccer ball looked like.
I hate the vuvuzelas....but I guess not as much as I hate the look of that 2nd cake LOL. Oh and the 3rd one looks like it's supposed to be...uh....male anatomy....So maybe it IS a soccer wreck- they can get injured there ya know ;P
I laughed so hard at that last cake. Hysterical! The look on the ref's face says it all. I would love the story behind that one.
Is it wrong that the OCD part of me wants to try to reattach the cheerleader's feet?
#5 should read "a drawing of a molecule made with tinker toys" not "an atom". Atoms consists of a tiny nucleus surrounded by an electron cloud.
LOl, those are barely even soccer wrecks.
I just kept staring, hoping they'd make sense.
Sort of like those 'Magic Eye' pictures. If you stared long enough, sort of unfocused your eyes, something would pop out and make sense.
I finally gave up.
The beehive would be sort of charming if it didn't have the bees vomiting blood all over the place. As my art teacher used to say, the secret to art is knowing when to stop.
Your last wreck reminds me of "Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun" for some reason. Don't know it? Go do a You Tube search on it and watch. I'll be here when you get back. No, seriously, if you AREN'T familiar with this, you HAVE to see it.
Oh, and I feel bad for the decorators doing the soccer balls. They're HARD!
Mertseger,
You think you're sooo smart with your big blue eye! "I know the difference between molecules and atoms!" you say. Well some of us didn't "pay attention" when we were "educated" in the "sciences." And there's nothing wrong with that. (except for that whole lack of knowledge thing)
I changed it. HAPPY!?!?!
*sobbing*
john
Love your blog! I always read it and seldom comment, but today I just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I enjoy your view of things. You always make me laugh! Thanks for bringing a smile to my day, so many times a week.
That first grey and white one, just before the Google comment, looks kinda like Tiffany stained glass. And from that perspective, it's pretty.
ha ha ha! I LOVE that last one! I have absolutely no clue what's going on and find it all a little frightening, but at least they managed to be cute while doing so.
thank you for adding the true picture of a soccer ball. I needed that.
and I am so glad you are bringing joy to people who find your site and need a laugh and spend hours here catching up. that is wonderful!
don't take the literal or "scientific" folks personal. they can't help it.
I think the mystery cake is supposed to be a whistle. Like what gym teachers use. If you squint really, really hard... it almost maybe sorta looks like one.
Jen, totally awesome post today. Your commentary continues to amuse and amaze me!
As for the "soccer ball" CCCs, it is IMPOSSIBLE to create a round shape out of a bunch of smaller round shapes, IT WON'T WORK. There is not a scalloped edge to be found on a soccer ball, so why do the wreckerators insist on continuing to try? I know, a rhetorical question for which there is no answer, but we can ponder...
WV jiticin - Many of these cakes should be jiticin'd before they're shown to anyone.
What is the story behind the tragic track meet cake? Inquiring minds want to know!!!
That orange thing looks like a Jai-Ali (sp?) scoop.
And the third cake from the end looks sort of like silvery stained glass, which would be kind of pretty if it weren't supposed to be a soccer ball.
Ahahahah this was spectacular, made my day!
#3 is a motorcycle shift lever. http://www.motorcycle-superstore.com/ProductImages/300/0000_MSR_Racing_Aluminum_Shift_Lever.jpg Obviously. Can't understand how you missed that.
WV: likerse If the Wreckerator had stayed away from intoxicating likerse might have produced a better cake.e
That orange cake third down looks very similar to certain styles of Pacific Island warclub.
http://museumvictoria.com.au/fiji/details.aspx?pid=812&Mode=ByTopic&Topic=warANDwarfare&Keyword=
In case the link didn't work:
"Fiji's Treasured Culture: Sali, Cali or Tebetebe.
A broadly curved club with a blade on the end and a spur on the upper curve of the club."
And yes, I'm precisely the kind of person who would order a warclub-shaped cake. If I order one and get a wreck, of course I'll send it in.
That diorama is totally awesome! That is, if it was made by Quentin Tarantino.
I would like to know why there is a foot on the bee-hive. It's a bad idea to kick a bee-hive people.
I never realized "ROUND" was such a difficult shape of cake pan to find and use.
@ Falze
Hah! that was my first thought. A sandworm throwing up (poor thing drowing in wrecks). Most of the rest look like mutant glial cells.
last cake is a track meet murder scene... i think... oh my... hahahha
That's the scariest poo tornado I've ever seen! And the rest of the stuff is in that condition because it has been struck by the poo tornado.
*dusts hands off*
There, all explained!
I had the "pleasure" of listening to FOUR freaking HOURS of those horns on Saturday while guilted into staying at my mom's for some family time. Her new husband is British and wouldn't miss a soccer game to save his life. I don't know what gave me a bigger headache, four hours of buzzing or these wrecks!
Another winner; thanks for the laugh today Jen! :)
I think the third one is meant to be a whistle........
My 2-3/4-year-old was unable to identify the bees on the first cake. The best she managed was "cowbird" and "chocolate". And trust me when I say this kid is an ace at pattern recognition.
I'm pretty sure #3 is a shofar. http://www.piney.com/shofar.gif
Given the date (which seems to be late August) this strikes me as more than possible--it would be around the High Holy Days.
...I also think I saw that cake's identical twins last year around Rosh Hashanah.
As to #1, I thought it was pretty clear that they were bees, but I do wonder why they appear to be breathing fire.
I've got one question: why are the bees allowed to have lasers? Or is someone cutting the cake with a lightsaber? Ok, that was two questions, but they should count as one, right?
I thought that pink cake was celebrating the "Great Flamingo Season" of 2009 at first--it kind of looks like a stylized round flamingo if you squint a lot. Those others look like Spiderman created them.
Remember, honey is essentially bee barf. I wonder if the first cake tasted like honey.
That vuvuzela was probably a cornucopia left over from Thanksgiving. Ick.