Cinco de Mayo Madness

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Or, as it's known in the original Spanish, [rolling Rs dramatically] Cinco de Mayo.

As you may know, Cinco is about celebrating Mexican heritage, culture, and those big yellow hats drunk people wear:

What you may not know is that Cinco is also a celebration of drippy cheese volcanoes:

"But it's MY drippy cheese volcano. Nachos."

Plus... submarines?

Yeesh, it's like trying to read hieroglyphics. What do you suppose "sperm" "3" "Mayo" means?

Which reminds me: what does happen when a baker can't fit the word "Cinco," and decides to use the number instead?

Well, as Reginald here found out, that depends on if the baker knows how many "Cinco" is:

SO CLOSE.

And finally, for your Cinco de Mayo pleasure:

What appears to be angry organ meat...

...on the beach...

...playing maracas.

I am terrified beyond the capability for rational thought.

Olé!

Thanks to Colin W., Alicia, Joanna A., Reginald R., & John M. for the real Cinco Swim situation.

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Painfully Honest Cakes

Remember, kids, if you can't say anything nice...

...say it with cake.

Today is National Honesty Day, but before you go dropping those truth bombs, let's take a look at some ways you can be completely honest but still somewhat polite:

And my personal favorite:

Only works with Angelas, though.

I just realized if you read those three together, you get a short poem:

"You are tolerable.
You are slightly above average.
You are Angela."

I like it.

If you can be a little more effusive, there's also this option for a completely honest compliment:

"And hey, I mean that."

But let's be honest: 99% of the people you know are total jerkfaces, and the only reason we say nice things on their cakes is because it's their birthday and we want cake.

So here's a compromise: start with "happy birthday," and then throw in a little truth:

Boom.

See, the exclamation mark makes it chipper!

The misspelling will confuse everyone long enough for us to make a run for it.

If you'd rather avoid all that conflict, though, then how about a general statement that everyone can agree on?

TRUTH.

Thanks to Nichelle O., Gina G., Kristin S., Kitzy C., Joan A., Sarah C., Liz M., Doug K., & Michele D. for spouting off.

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