Because SIX SEVEN ATE! Haha! (Wait. Am I doing this right?)

Today is a red letter day, fellow wreckies!

Well, really more of a red number day.

Maybe I should start over.

See, today I've been writing Cake Wrecks for SIX WHOLE YEARS.

Six years!

That's 2,190 days, about 2,118 posts, and at least 638 poop puns.

Not to mention all the cupcake cake (patooie!) spit-takes that I've frankly stopped keeping track of.

So today's post is brought to you by the magical number six!

[chanting] Six! Six! Six!

Oops.
(Hey baker, you misspelled "Damian.")

On second thought, forget the number. Let's just focus on ME.
So...
Happy anniersy to me!!

Haha!

And here's to thousands and thousands more poopy chocolate swirls, crazy misunderstandings, wrecked weddings, overly-literal executions, blatant demonstrations of inferior quality control...

[loud sobbing]

Ahem.

But most of all here's to YOU, my dear wreckies, and the increasingly disturbing fan wrecks you keep sending in:

[Good luck censoring THIS, John! Ha!]

Don't ever change, you sick sickos, you. MWAH.

Thanks to Emily D., Jamie L., Mike & Johanna, Brooke M., Debbie N., Tanisha M., & Brianna E., who spotted that last one at a friend's baby shower, but no one explained to her that it was a CW tribute, so she was really, REALLY confused, which makes it all SO MUCH BETTER. (Carrot Jockey nipple censors FTW!)

Note from john (thoJ): I'm like a Photoshop master. Click here for the uncensored version.

*****

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More Confessions of a Master Baker

Welcome to another installment of...

Confessions of a Master Baker!

"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."

[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]

"So then," [blowing nose] "Then I told my husband to just bring me more plastic flowers, but we were OUT OF PLASTIC FLOWERS." 

"I still have nightmares about brown sugar and chocolate shavings."

[whispering] Confessions...

"They said they wanted 'Starry Night.' Everyone knows Starry Night, right? So I drew it from memory.

"Turns out I don't know Starry Night."

[whispering] Telling Secrets...

"What can I say? I panicked. I grabbed the can of silver spray..."

"... and told the bride it was Art Deco!"

[whispering] Declarations...

"I thought a fondant ribbon down the side would distract from the lopsidedness.

"... Which it did. So I guess, you know, that worked."

[whispering] Professions, but not in a job-like way...

"How hard is it to throw a few rose petals on a cake?"

"Easier than dodging a whole wedding cake, that's for sure."

Thanks to Pat J., Erin R., Anony M., Lauren H., & Natalie W., who I hear is really quick on her feet.

*****

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