Lost in Translation?

I know what you're thinking, you crass people, you. You're just bursting to say something devastatingly witty that involves the word "crap" right now, aren't you? Uh-huh; I knew it.

Alright, then, rather than stifle it, let's just get this all out of systems, shall we? It'll be cathartic. Turn to the person next to you...what, there's no one nearby? Ok, go get someone. I'll wait.

Ok, are there at least 2 of you here now? Good. Now, look at the cake, turn to the person(s) next to you, and make all the obvious, disgusting, and profane jokes you can think of. You get extra points for saying the exact same thing at the same time. Running low on material? Try guessing what that inscription says, or what occasion the cake was for. (For example: Just-Found-Out-My-Boyfriend-Is-Cheating-On-Me Day, with an inscription that includes the word "eat".)

All done? Got it all out of your system? Can we discuss this like rational adults now?

Nah, I didn't think so, either.

Before you comment: yes, we all know what it looks like, people, so there's no need to spell it out for us, mmkay? Let's try to keep our comments as clean as possible, or failing that, to at least use the "*" key when necessary. Thanks, all!

I Think I Just Lost My Appetite

People, I’ve seen some bad cakes in my time, alright? Poor execution, bizarre subject matter, awful color choices - you name it. Still, nothing has ever made this baked-goods-addict put down her fork until today.

This looks like something the baker found moldering in an old shower, covered with fuzz. It's shiny, but lumpy. The brown and bile-green meld together just a little too organically - and is that a spot of acid yellow I see under the pile of green in the upper left corner? Speaking of which, what is that green stringy crap supposed to be? It’s just randomly plopped on in disgusting wriggly masses....

[averting eyes and taking deep breaths]

Urk. Ok, sorry - back to the commentary...

And that texture: short of applying the icing with a brillo pad, I don’t know how one would achieve such a pitted, uneven surface. Was there a shortage of spatulas? Of icing? Of people who can see colors? Sure, I get that this is supposed to be camouflage, but do the personnel at toxic waste dumps even wear camouflage?