I'll Take My Chances

Either this is the new "Russian Roulette" event in a Competitive Eating Competition, or someone is trying to tell the cake-lover in their life to start prioritizing. If said cake-lover is anything like me, however, he or she would be reading the word "Poison" with 3 bon bons already stuffed in her cheeks, chipmunk style.

And lest you think the odds are 1 in 6, like I initially did, look again. There are actually bon-bons ringing the whole cake, so your odds are more like 1 in 30. Well, assuming you only eat one, of course, which we all know would be against the laws of nature.

Aside from the possible poisoning attempt, this cake also breaks the laws of good taste by employing a sporadic color palette, sickly-looking yellow "flowers" (I use the term loosely), and a general over-use of the star tip: it looks like someone decorated the whole thing with a Redi-Whip can. Also, if we're to assume those red things are berries (see, John? I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt!), why are most of them centered on the "leaves"?

When Men Design Their Own Cakes

A groom's cake is the curious wedding tradition by which the husband-to-be celebrates his inner geek/jock/die-hard fill-in-the-blank fanatic in cake and icing form. This often involves sports logos, hunting paraphernalia, x-box consoles, or my personal favorite: the giant snickers bar.

This groom's cake, however, has taken a cake genre already known for its ridiculousness and lowered the bar even further. Here we have what appears to be a cut raw mid-section of rainbow trout - which, while disgusting, I guess makes sense if the guy is a fisherman, grocery clerk in the seafood section, or sushi enthusiast. What defies the imagination, however, are the daisies scattered across the trout slab. I mean, daisies? Really? Like, I dunno, the raw trout torso just needed that extra feminine touch? Why not slap the whole thing on a doily and be done with it?

The bakery responsible lays the blame squarely on the groom, explaining that the guy had a dog named Daisy and so wanted daisies on the cake. Yeeeeah. Fellas, stick with cool Star Wars grooms' cakes, will you?