7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter

7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter:

- Those annoyingly cheerful Easter colors:

It's like they managed to bottle Spring.

- Saint Harry's Tinsel Toupees:

"For when your hair hasn't got a prayer!"

- REALLY Bad Eggs:

Drink up, me hearty, yo ho!
(You're gonna need it.)

- Professional Toddler Art:

Say what you will, but I find it admirable that someone is getting all these three-year-olds off the street and into real jobs.

- Mutant Pig Bunnies

Two words: Pork Hops.

For those of you who may bemoan the secularization of Easter:

Now aren't you glad they usually stick to bunnies?

(That supposedly says, "He Has Risen." Even worse, I think the red thing is supposed to be a cross.)

And finally:

- Ewe-Know-Who:

That's some shear terror, right there.

Thanks to Rachael J., Molly R., Lynaa W., Amanda S., Angelica C., Leah R., & Melissa M., who'd like to point out that THIS sheep Voldemort has a much better likeness, but I think she's just potty.

BONUS GIGGLE:

When bunnies play with portals:

"The cupcakes are a lie!"

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Somebody, PLEASE, Explain The Green Beans

'Twas the week before Easter, and all through the bakery
The Bakers plopped plastic and all kinds of fakery

The chicks were wrapped snugly, each in her shell

"Too tight. TOO TIGHT!"

While visions of killer buns
turned sleep... into hell

"SOOOOOON."

Then out from the aisles
came a shriek, filled with hate!
So we set out our green beans:

And decided to wait.

His face looked like spiders

His ears, flaccid tubes

And when he turned 'round...
hang on, are those boobs?

His eyes were insane

His mouth smeared with drool

which dripped when he laughed
like blood in a pool

[shudder]

Then I heard him exclaim
ere he killed all the lights

"Hoppy Easter to all
and to all, a good fright."

"Jolly Rancher?"

Thanks to Angela F., Kaci M., Tara F., Rick H., Amy Jo, Lisa J., Christina, Kelli M., Amber P., Stephen D., Lori W., & Mia C. for the hare-raising tail.

*****

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