7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter
March 30, 2018 7 Reasons To Avoid The Bakery This Easter:
- Those annoyingly cheerful Easter colors:
;)
It's like they managed to bottle Spring.
- Saint Harry's Tinsel Toupees:
;)
"For when your hair hasn't got a prayer!"
- REALLY Bad Eggs:
;)
Drink up, me hearty, yo ho!
(You're gonna need it.)
- Professional Toddler Art:
;)
Say what you will, but I find it admirable that someone is getting all these three-year-olds off the street and into real jobs.
- Mutant Pig Bunnies
;)
Two words: Pork Hops.
For those of you who may bemoan the secularization of Easter:
;)
Now aren't you glad they usually stick to bunnies?
(That supposedly says, "He Has Risen." Even worse, I think the red thing is supposed to be a cross.)
And finally:
- Ewe-Know-Who:
;)
That's some shear terror, right there.
Thanks to Rachael J., Molly R., Lynaa W., Amanda S., Angelica C., Leah R., & Melissa M., who'd like to point out that THIS sheep Voldemort has a much better likeness, but I think she's just potty.
BONUS GIGGLE:
When bunnies play with portals:
;)
"The cupcakes are a lie!"
*****
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Reader Comments (25)
Re: the last one… "Scotty, clean-up in transporter aisle 3 !"
I don’t know about bunnies playing with portals. If you ask me, that looks much more like an albino wolf bat
1) I'm waiting for the dung beetles to show up for this one. Looks like they'll have a fine feast.
2) The "hairpiece" on the lamb is really wigging me out.
3) The baker who did this should be eggsposed and eggspelled. He was not an eggspert and this is far from eggscellent. Maybe he just got eggscited or the piping bag eggsploded all over his creation. That any customer was even charged for this could be considered eggstortion. We just have to accept the fact there's nothing to eggstol here and try to eggspunge this from our memories.
4) The Easter Kitty?
5) Benny from Benny and the Jets wore something like this. You know, electric boots and the Boar's Hare suit? I read it in a magazine.
6) A reluctant atheist baker must have made this.
7) Looks like someone just glued a batch of egg noodles on this thing so they could call it a sheep.
8) The result of a transporter accident.
The “He Has Risen” cake kind of looks like it could say “He has Reese’s.” Too bad that’s not it. The mere prospect of Reese’s would make it not a wreck in my book.
Please, sir? What does a white BAT have to do with Easter? (Or anything else, for that matter?)
Is the lamb on that seventh cake actually DEAD? Eyes rolled up in it's head, and out cold on the cake plates. REALLY?
Gag me with a spoon... or not. I wouldn't come near to eating those , unless I was giving them to my worst enemy.
I thought that "He has Risen" cake was some kind of Japanese Anime cake.
That last thing is not a bunny. It's Bartok from that horrible animated "Anastasia" movie.
https://media1.tenor.com/images/2518fc75a450c97d1370b24a620fd339/tenor.gif?itemid=5375237
The sheep fetus cake is gross.
WTF is up with the zombie lamb on the second to last cake?!
Pork hops!
Why can't I stop snickering at that? :D
Are those egg noodles? And I swear the eye was a mouth until I saw the whole cake...
The "cross" on the "He has risen" cake would be more convincing if the wreckerator had just used Red Vines, instead of going with the cheap frosting knock-off. Heck even Twizzlers would have sufficed!
That bunny looks like Spock was turned into a bizarre rabbit then cut in half by the transporter. Scotty has a lot to answer for lol.
Mutant Pig Bunnies and Pork hops! I just giggled and giggled and then the Risen one made me think of the Geode/vagina catching an STD and now I am feeling on one side laughing all day on the other insulted for Jesus and shouting good effort but no..no.
@TreC: I didn't know it WASN'T a mouth until I read your comment! Half the reason I checked the comments was that I wanted to see if someone could explain the pile of egg noodles with a mouth?! Most of the cakes on any given day just kinda make me wince/smirk, laugh, and say "Oooo... No", but this is one of those cakes that makes me say "Wait... what...why is...?" and question everything about its existence.
The other half was so that I could say that "Say what you will, but I find it admirable that someone is getting all these three-year-olds off the street and into real jobs" is straight-up un-cut funky comedy GOLD. My face hurts.
Your Pal,
Storm
Gee, not everyone gets a egg cake decorated by Jackson Pollock Jr.
The Easter Bat is on the wing, beware! Or at least have some fruit out for him to snack on;-)
The teeth! The horrible teeth! Wait, what? That's supposed to be a lamb?!
It looks as though the red thing under the "HE HAS RISEN" lettering is supposed to be a fleur-de-lis, not a cross. Anyway, that's a better guess, I'm-a-thinkin'.
Until I read the comment, I was pretty sure the He Has Risen cake said Pie Was Kissy.
#7 looks like a really bad attempt to recreate a really famous Spanish painting of the Agnus Dei (Lamb of G-d). Really bad.
When I look at that first cake, all I can think of to call this color is "Splub." Not sure why a sheep would need a toupe, who spilt the food coloring bottles all over the frosting, or why the Easter Kitty has blunked-out eyes like Little Orphan Annie, but the Pork Hop left me in hysterics.
Look out for the last one! That's no fruit bat! That's a Vampire Bat!! A Vampire Bat who's gonna need a chiropracter after escaping from those cupcakes.
Am I the only one who thought zombie lamb's eye was a creepy mouth with pink lips and buck-teeth?
The last one is sort of a spring color, for those of us who live in the boonies with dirt and gravel roads. It's the color of mud - spring thaw is here!
Oops, first one, I mean. The color of mud.