It's Life, Jim, But Not As We Know It

We can always count on our Wreckporters to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, and boldly submit some of the rarest wreck species ever seen.

Like the skinnileg piglet nervosia, or "South American Worried Grasshopper Pig:"

Thankfully, this one is saying "Oink!" so we can differentiate between the Grasshopper Pig and the Machu Picchu Googly-Eyed Hot Dog.

The hippopotamus runoverus, or the "Peruvian Pink Pan-Flattened Hippo Dragon:"

The pepto hallucinatus, or "What You See in Your Dreams After You Eat Sausage Pepperoni Pizza Before Bed:"

This friendly guy, the runfor yourlife itsa tarantula withrabies, or the "Chilean Snuggly Bug:"

And finally, the quackae lasiks caterpillarus, or "Someone Should Probably Go Ahead and Call an Exterminator... and an Eye Doctor."


Ryan S., Jill B., Seth W., Stephanie B., and Anne R., you must be awesomus wreckporterus!

Related wreckage: Creepy Crawly Cakes

Saint Patrick Would Be SHOCKED

Shocked, I say!

I mean, as I understand it ol' Patrick was a pretty conservative guy. So I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the whole "Kiss me, I'm Irish" thing was not his idea.

Apparently they needed all of the capital "I"s for "IRISH."
(And as we all know, the Irish hate apostrophes.)

Still, someone needs to tell these cookie cakes to stop giving us lip. Mostly because their lips are deeply, deeply disturbing:

First tell me what "Irist" means, and then we'll discuss which display of affection I'm comfortable giving you. Mmkay?

Given all the suggestive suggestions being suggested, you might think Wreckerators would be more mindful of their capital "L"s, too:

Granted, that yellow magnet does "suck," but blaming it on the Irish is a pretty polarizing move.

Let's end on a more positive note, though. After all, it is Saint Patrick's Day, and I'm sure he would appreciate a more appropriate expression of celebration.

Aw, that's doing Ireland proud, right there.

Btw, when did Peppermint Patties get canonized? (Not that I'm complaining, mind you; they are quite heavenly.)

Ok, forget appropriate expressions of celebration. Let's go out with one final insult to dear St. Pat:

[brightly] Today's word, boys and girls, is "prat." Puh-rat. Prat.

It has some really fun meanings, too, kids. Why don't you go look it up in the dictionary with your parents?

Terri J., Margaret C., Madeline, Chris H., Cathy W.,& Ruth S., since no one else is gonna say it, I guess I will: Happy St. Patricia's Day!

- Related Wreckage: Funny

Update: Apparently, St. Patrick was actually Welsh. Or was it English? Ohhh... and then he was kidnapped by Irish pirates. But he later returned to England to marry Buttercup after many madcap adventures with a giant, a Spaniard and an angry little man with a lisp. Everybody clear? Good, good...