Friday, Friday, Gotta Buy Stuff On Friday

I'm about to save you SO MUCH time and money today, wreckies.

Are you ready for this?

Here goes.

[ahem hem hem]

DON'T GO SHOPPING.

Please, no need to thank me. I'm just here to help.

But wait, there's more!

Since your children and/or family and/or friends might be expecting gifts this holiday season (selfish bums), here's another option:

GET THEM CAKE.

It's easy! For example, say your friend Bob likes computers, enormous mice, camo, and helicopters.

BAM!

It's the perfect Christmas present!

Stuffed animals are expensive, but Clifford here only looks mildly concerned that his chest has sprung a few leaks:

BAM!

Chanukah just got Chappier!

(I'm not sure that was a logical segue either, but just go with it, mmkay?)

Have a rocker in your life? Then this'll strike a chord:

BAM!

The Kwanzaa Kazoo has never looked hotter!

Fellas, I'm telling you now: a woman can never have too many pairs of shoes.

I'm also telling you these are supposed to be flip-flops.

Yes, really.

Now, I know what you're thinking:

"But, Genie," you're thinking, because this time you've mistaken me for a blue-skinned bottle slave with phenomenal cosmic powers, "You can't WEAR cake shoes!"

Oh yeah?

BAM.

Uh...

What the heel?

Thanks to Laux, Anony M., Jennifer R., Tara M., Hannah P., & Dorothy B., who thinks those shoes actually look pretty cheesy. Sounds Gouda 'nuff for me!

And here's an honest-to-goodness holiday shopping tip, folks:

Wreck the Halls is 232 pages of gut-busting, knee-slapping, and generally injurious wrecky hilarity - plus it's nearly all new content, is easy to wrap, and costs less than $9 right now on Amazon! Buy three and you'll even get free shipping - no camping out, elbow pads, or riot gear needed!

5 Reasons to be Thankful This Thanksgiving

America, today we eat and drink and eat some more and drink some more and then cram in just one last bite and then have pie.

BECAUSE WE CAN.

And if that's not enough reason to be thankful, then how about these?

5. It's not tornado season.*

Plus those corny giant death rays haven't been seen in at least a few weeks.

 (*Unless, of course, it is. I tried to ask Google, but it only confused me further.)

4. We don't live in the 1600's.

"The whole freezing-with-no-food-or-medicine thing I could take, but a receding hairline? Really? WHY MUST LIFE BE SO CRUEL?!"

3. Your turkey doesn't look like this:

"Uh, I'll just have the deflated balloon salad, please."

2. Someone, somewhere, is having a worse hair day than you.

And apparently a nosebleed.

(Ew.)

And finally, the number one reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving is...

1. Frozen turkeys don't come with their heads.

"Well, what was I supposed to do, throw them out? When we needed a centerpiece?"

Happy Thanksgiving, America! And Happy Nothing Special Day, everyone else!

Thanks to Lyndsay F., Rowan O., Elaine M., Scott S., & Cassandra B., who I'm sure know how to make a LOVELY centerpiece out of turkey heads. And that's what worries me.