Friday, Friday, Gotta Buy Stuff On Friday
November 25, 2011 I'm about to save you SO MUCH time and money today, wreckies.
Are you ready for this?
Here goes.
[ahem hem hem]
DON'T GO SHOPPING.
Please, no need to thank me. I'm just here to help.
But wait, there's more!
Since your children and/or family and/or friends might be expecting gifts this holiday season (selfish bums), here's another option:
GET THEM CAKE.
It's easy! For example, say your friend Bob likes computers, enormous mice, camo, and helicopters.
;)
BAM!
It's the perfect Christmas present!
Stuffed animals are expensive, but Clifford here only looks mildly concerned that his chest has sprung a few leaks:
;)
BAM!
Chanukah just got Chappier!
(I'm not sure that was a logical segue either, but just go with it, mmkay?)
Have a rocker in your life? Then this'll strike a chord:
;)
BAM!
The Kwanzaa Kazoo has never looked hotter!
Fellas, I'm telling you now: a woman can never have too many pairs of shoes.
;)
I'm also telling you these are supposed to be flip-flops.
Yes, really.
Now, I know what you're thinking:
"But, Genie," you're thinking, because this time you've mistaken me for a blue-skinned bottle slave with phenomenal cosmic powers, "You can't WEAR cake shoes!"
Oh yeah?
;)
BAM.
Uh...
What the heel?
Thanks to Laux, Anony M., Jennifer R., Tara M., Hannah P., & Dorothy B., who thinks those shoes actually look pretty cheesy. Sounds Gouda 'nuff for me!
And here's an honest-to-goodness holiday shopping tip, folks:
;)
Wreck the Halls is 232 pages of gut-busting, knee-slapping, and generally injurious wrecky hilarity - plus it's nearly all new content, is easy to wrap, and costs less than $9 right now on Amazon! Buy three and you'll even get free shipping - no camping out, elbow pads, or riot gear needed!
Reader Comments (37)
Those cake shoes are just all sorts of wrong LOL.
I made it easy and bought "Wreck the Halls" for myself. Now no one has to bother looking for any other gift for me!
As bad puns go, these are epic. Keep up the good work!
But...but--I HAVE seen "flip flops" like those! REAL ones! I think it was at one of those "All For A Dollar"-types of places (which is a big fat LIE -the name-, because they charge a dollar for EACH item). They're actually IMPORTED form China! Fancy, huh? They are *for decorative purposes only*, I assumed. Because the people who buy them usually don't have rectangular feet (or any taste...Hey- there's another similarity!)
And what kind of bimbo (a married woman, at that--check the ring finger) has the *class* to go parading around in shoes made out of liverwurst sandwiches? A hooker for a Deli?
Just when you think you've seen it all...
Actually, I already have one. And I just gave one of your first books to my mother for an early Christmas present yesterday (she having previously never heard of Cake Wrecks). She sat right down and read the whole book cover to cover, and thought it was hilarious. When she gets back home, she's planning on showing it to her neighbor, who is a baker. So score one for you, Jen!
(And I really can't believe anyone would put cake on their FEET...frosting between your toes--yuck!)
I think that Clifford is more worried about some other dog mistaking him for a fire hydrant and peeing on him than anything else.
{Happy Birthday, Evelyn...I hope you're young enough that this thing won't give you nightmares, or cause you to be terrified of the color red for the rest of your life!}
~~giggle~~
Check out what they have ready to put out with the "guitar" cake: rolls and rolls of toilet paper (see it?)...
Always be prepared, I guess.
~~more giggles~~
~~giggle~~
Check out what they have ready to put out with the "guitar" cake: rolls and rolls of toilet paper (see it?)...
Always be prepared, I guess.
~~more giggles~~
That's Clifford's lesser-known cousin, Bifford the Mid-Sized Red Teratoma. He was original to the TV series and only appeared in one episode. One very special episode.
The first cake is probably one of those twin-birthday half-cake dealies, but I can't help but see is as a passive-aggressive missive from the SO of a Call Of Duty addict. "Guess what, honey? It's the third anniversary of the day you SAID you would take me to the beach. Do you remember what you did instead? Here's a hint."
Is it me or is Clifford covered in a disturbingly shiny, slimy substance? And probably because of all the recent posts featuring (ahem) phallic items, I am totally looking at that guitar neck in a weird way now. Must get mind out of gutter . . .nope, not working! Thanks for the awesome post and belated Happy Thanksgiving from a Canuck fan!
OMG cake and feet sooooooooooooooooooooooo do not belong together --- EVER! Ew. I mean, ew.
To my mind, those "flip-flops" look like some kind of zombie spongebob/yip yip horror.
And the shoes, really, wasn't it just a week or so ago that you helped cure "that nasty fetish", and then you show us this and it begins all over again...
That first one...I don't see camo. I see a Rorschach test. If you click and enlarge the photo, you can see dead people. No, not really! But I CAN see:
1: A Mickey Mouse-head silhouette
2: A whole Mickey Mouse silhouette
3:The head of a little orange mouse-like critter with a cute face.
4: a crashed helo with an eyeball for a window.
What do YOU see?
@Naomi:
" I can't help but see is as a passive-aggressive missive from the SO of a Call Of Duty addict. "
Having known some of those, and knowing that it would be way-too-subtle a hint, I'd suggest not merely presenting the cake, but having the recipient try it ON for size...
*splat*
; )
Zoomom: I also see Spongebob on acid rather than rectangular flip flops.
I think the cake shoes might go well with a meat dress.
And perhaps a porkpie hat.
I just ordered a cake for my BFF's 50th birthday. They gave me the choice of several fillings, including white chocolate mousse, lemon curd and raspberry jam.
How come no one told me toe jam was also an option? Hmmmpf. See if I go back there...
ugh! Thanksgiving is always eventful in my family. My aunts are.... um strange, yeah, strange. This year, they decided our turkey was a girl and performed plastic surgery on it. I took one look at it and informed them that this was why they would never be plastic surgeons. The thing looked like a fish!
On a side note: My best memory of yesterday? My son and our neighbor/good friend, Jan, looking at my copy of "Wreck the Halls." After a couple of pages of hysterical giggling, I gave Jan her own -- personalized-by-the-author (la di da...) -- copy, which I had been saving for a Christmas gift. We then entered the "dueling Cake Wrecks " phase, where they each read their own books and kept trying to "one up" the other. ("Have you seen..." "What about..." and they'd periodically blurt out the same phrase simultaneously ("armpit," "possibly avocados," "real nasty one," "and threw up...") It was great, although I DID almost burn the turkey because I was so busy looking over shoulders saying "Oh, yeah, that one," and "wait until you turn the page..." So, thanks for adding a new layer of fun to our Thanksgiving celebration. And thanks for making my turkey look SO good in comparison...
@ Sharyn:
It could have been worse. At least they didn't offer you white chocolate mouse, or lemon turd.
And toe jam is always an option. You have to go to the real upscaley establishments, and request it special, though! It's a real deligagsy that you can't find just any old where.
The flip flops looked like spongebobs until I read what they were. (They didn't have JAM filling did they??? >-((( )
That Kwanzaa kazoo doubles as a smokin hot dreidel- bursts into flames as it spins. Not recommended for children under 12.
And after that awful foot fungus cake post I thought we were done with foot cake for a while; le sigh.
Um, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a Cincinatti Bengals helmet next to a stack of styrofoam cups. But maybe I just didn't get the joke.
You know, I was willing to forgive the cake flip-flop "creator" but then I saw the cake shoes. No. The madness must end here. Really.
I also agree with Audrey. I did not necessarily see only a Kwanzaa kazoo. Ew.
Actually I think those are NOT cake shoes. They look like sandwich shoes- I can see layers of meat and cheese......
google "cake shoes" and be astounded ...
You know, the cake shoes just make me think of the episode in King of the Hill when Peggy starts earning money as a food model...then she finally figures out that what she's modeling is foot fetish photos.
Not a great memory.
@amanda:
Yeah! I said the same thing earlier (see 4th comment down)!
Not that it's better one way or the other. Food shoes in general aren't likely to catch on in a big way (one can only hope).
Those things they call "jelly" shoes aren't made of real Smuckers, ya know.
Cake shoes??? Really??? And they are not even pretty either D:
At least her toes are painted...
That cake shoes pic probably satisfied someone's fetish.
Oh why did they have to waste good cake and make it into shoes?? Who would wear them other than insane models..of which I hope that person putting them on isn't one of the bakers lol. Man what will they come up with next..toilets? I should really hope you never find any of those!
Kwanzaa Kazoo? That's clearly a dreidel on fire.
The Kwanzaa Kazoo was a guitar with flames and those are paper cups beside it, not toilet paper LOL. It was for my son's 10th birthday. The icing was so nasty looking, none of the kids wanted them, lol. It was so bad, the store actually gave us a refund!
Kwanzaa Kazoo - gigglesnort!
Oh God, now that song's in my head. And it's not even Friday!
And I don't know which is more disturbing, Clifford's intestines falling out of his body or the cake shoes?
Cake heels cause gut bloat,
shortened Achilles tendons,
and carpet cleaning.
Am I the only one who thinks the third cake is a.....um.....how do you spell it..........OH YEAH! A DREADEL!!!! :)
aha,ha,ha. i'm not funny. :(