AB-Solute Sexiness!
July 30, 2018 Every now and then I start thinking maybe I should diet. This is because, according to every piece of media everywhere, I am not a man until I have abs. And while I've never seen my abs, I assume they're around here somewhere - possibly hiding under 37 years of extra cheese.
Luckily, I work at Cake Wrecks and so have a handy guide as to what my abs will look like during the dieting process.
First, after losing my initial cheese-ton of weight, I'll probably just have a lot of extra loose skin:
;)
My sexiness will have begun.
Then, after hundreds and hundreds of hours in the gym, I will develop the coveted "3 pack:"
;)
"Look into my pectoral eyes, and weep at my chiseled beauty. WEEP, I SAY."
Which will soon begin to divide...
;)
...and look mildly shocked at being discovered.
Later, after countless thousands more hours in the gym and a steady diet of kale and corn husks, my abs will really start to spread out:
;)
Like Twinkies under a blanket.
Mmmm Twinkies...
And finally, after years of neverending, staggering misery, I will be able to bask in the glory of my oh-so-sexy new abs:
;)
Like Brad Pitt, only better.
And a little more lopsided.
[head tilt]
Huh.
You know, on second thought, I think my abs are happy where they are.
Right, guys?
;)
Right.
Now, who wants Twinkies?
Thanks to Ashlee, Brandi H., Solveig, Anony M., Stephanie S., & Stephanie A. for presenting their bodies of evidence... and for sharing the snack cakes. [hint hint]
*****
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Reader Comments (35)
#2 looks like something out The Furby Exorcist. I see a face! And it’s saying *heLp me*
Hilarious!🤣😂😆😅
MaryO1230
The "British" 3-pack cake looks like Homer Simpson is trying to emerge Alien style from that torso.
Oh, the sexy sexiness of those abs cakes! MROAaa...[HURK!]
Anyone else see Homer Simpson in that second cake?
I'm too sexy for this cake, too sexy for this cake...
Hmmm, I think you are fine just as you are. The first looks like the underside of a stingray, the second, Homer Simpson, the third E.T. the rest are just too disturbing to try to find something that it looks like. Though I think the last is actually a pregnant belly, I have seen many males sporting that one. LOL
I LOVE the last one! That's me!!
Cake number 2 looks like Homer Simpson to me. I can't not see it.
That second one looks like ET is trying to emerge, Alien-style.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who sees Homer Simpson in the British unmentionables.
Last one: Give him Reeses...
That could be E.T.
=^~.-^=
Kale and Corn Husks - There's a difference?
In the second cake from the top all I see is Homer Simpson! Or is it ET? Doh!!! Lol
Oddly, I find the lack of bulge on the first one just as disturbing as the presence of one on cake two. Apparently there is no good, non-disturbing way to make a torso cake. Although the shocked "face" makes #2 somehow less threatening, if only because it makes me laugh. 3 and 4 are just scary and I can't decide if 5 is a pregnancy cake or a beer belly. 🤷
Oops! Add one to every number I said in my previous post! Actual #1 apparently didn't even register in my mind. Lol
The second cake looks to me like Homer Simpson is trying to escape almost facehugger style from Alien.
Cake #2 looks a lot like Home Simpson. Once you see it, you won't see anything else. And what does the tattoo on Cake #4 say..."Just Marbled"?
Twiiiiiiiiiinkieeeeeeeeees........
My first thought when viewing #2 is Homer Simpson. But then the long-necked robot from MST3000 starts melding into Homer's face and it's downhill from there.
You know, when I saw your Facebook teaser about wanting Twinkies, I was thinking something totally different…
The second one can only be described as a British Homer Simpson. And of course, that's all I could see when looking at the rest of these!
Love this post! I giggled all the way through.
The only change I'd like to see on CakeWrecks.com is a byline, so I'm warned ahead who is writing. I always expect Jen to be the writer, and it's surprising -- sometimes even a bit shocking -- to realize part way through that it's not. This one was obvious pretty quickly!
#2 looks like a monkey face, and #3 looks like the previous one, only surprised.
Number two is Homer Simpson’s face
All I see is Homer Simpson’s face above a British flag...doh!
Pic #2 looks kind of like Homer Simpson's face. But why is he wearing a Union Jack flag jock strap under his chin?
Does the mildly shocked one remind anyone else of E.T.?
I don't know. I look at number four and I see a trilobite. And number five is a walrus who's had etching work done on his tusks.
#2 & #3 look like shocked aliens. I know, I can't believe it either! At least they have the comfort of their (#4) twinkie loving pet.
"Til Mor" = To Mother! Sure hope she liked it,,,,
Twinkie abs! I will never get that one out of my head!
I will pass on these cakes and take the twinkies lol. So much more appealing lol.
Becky, the bottom of the post tells who the author is. And I, too, saw Homer Simpson in No. 2.
I could be wrong, but I believe the cake with the handcuffs and gray tie ( #5?) is supposed to be a 50 Shades of Grey cake.