Bakers Are Bad At Father's Day, Here's Proof
June 15, 2018 Every year bakeries grow increasingly desperate for Father's Day decorations that don't include flowers, bows, or copious amounts of Justin Bieber appliques - because men are an enigma wrapped in a mystery shrouded in ugly neckties and plastic handsaws, and WHAT MORTAL SOUL COULD DECIPHER WHAT THEY WANT ON THEIR CAKES?
;)
You sure you don't want this, Dad?
So instead of using fun patterns or hobbies or whatnot, bakeries invariably go for that trusty old stereotypical Father's Day standby:
;)
Whatever The Hell This Is
Then for variety, there are at least a dozen Things That Are Almost - But Not Quite - Entirely Unlike Ties:
;)
Sing with me now: "Bakers gonna bake bake bake bake bake and the Fater's gonna fate fate fate fate fate..."
;)
Please note they added the S later - like that fixed it.
;)
In all seriousness, this COULD be a giant screw, not a tie. It's like that optical illusion where the duck turns into a rabbit, only funnier, because this one you can drop dramatically on the dinner table and yell, "Who wants a Father's Day screw?!"
(Why yes, holidays ARE a hoot at my house - why do you ask?)
Oh! But my favorite - my FAVORITE - is when bakers go completely off script:
;)
It's a remote controlled stingray.
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A cheese knife, car key, and Star Trek communicator badge (slightly squished).
And best of all:
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A grisly tableau of Father's Day Past. [shudder]
Well, however you celebrate your inscrutable parental enigmas this weekend, minions, just remember: It's not what's on the cake, it's what's in your heart.
;)
And Dod will understand.
Thanks to Ian F., Clint R., Melissa D., Darrin B., Erin T., Timothy P., Kristin M., Madalina B., & Jennings L., who know these cakes are like baby, baby, baby whooooa.
*****
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Reader Comments (25)
Poor Dad. đđ He deserves Sunday sweets.
Number 2 looks like it's supposed to be one of those green egg shaped barbecues, except it's red, and I don't know why it's wearing Santa's utility belt. Number 8, the grisly tableau (thank you!), if you drew that in school they would call in your parents because they were "concerned about the atmosphere at home".
For 8 I see: Babe the Blue Ox in yoga pants flying over a forest and hurling pink stuff, someone kidnapping a child of a different race for Father's Day, smiling orange haired Neo with a machine gun and sword standing in a circle of blood.
I think the orange one under the Beibs is supposed to be a grill.
#2 there looks like a beehive wearing its seatbelt
I'm going to guess that the Fathers Day past ones were a promo where you could bring your kid's drawing of dad into the bakery and they would recreate it on a cake. At least that's what I'm going with because it's the only explanation that makes any sense.
I thought the remote control was the Starship Enterprise at first.
If bakers will bake and icers will ice, then fathers will fath and mothers will moth, won't they?
Happy Fathdayâs Day. Nothing wrong here.
Iâm sorry but âHappy Falker Satherhoodâ forever spoiled me. That was so amazingly weird, I now cannot appreciate a boringly well-done âHappy Fatherâs Dayâ, and none of these errors are even in the same league.
#2 is a Dalek in a seatbelt. =-)
#3 is a Faterâs Day fish.
#4 is a diamond on a stake, and Fathdayâs Day will have me chuckling all day.
#5 You screwed -er- nailed that one.
I donât know what to do with #6, but I see a carrot in #7 and a Sith in #8.
Beyond bizarre, indeed.
The stingray remote has to be my favourite - not only does it seem to be part phone (why else would the # and * be on there?), but 'mute' is squished enough that I read it as 'flute' first. And picturing how a dad would use a flute button was fantastic!
My guess on the second one was a camping backpack with a flashlight sitting next to it. Well, actually, my first thought was a vacuum (a very strange one). And the rest of these... whatever dad got them must have been wondering what the cake was supposed to be.
#1) Talk about giving someone the Heebie Biebies!
#2) I agree with Mel. When I first saw it, I thought "barbecue pit". But it did look like Santa as well, (sans head). But the color was all wrong - a Halloween color. Then it hit me. Maybe it's Great Pumpkin Santa.
#3) It's a piping bag. At least, that's what it's "fated" to be.
#4) A barber pole? With a diamond on top?
#5) A giant screw and Father's day. No connection there, of course.
#6) Maybe it's the ghost of Remotes Past.
#7) And I thought these were parts of the primordial soup.
#8) Maybe this baker has issues!
#9) Is this like "Me, Tarzan"? "I, Lovey Dod".
I'm pretty sure that the orange blob is supposed to be a grill, but my first thought on seeing it was that it's a Jayne hat (although the knife would need to be larger for a proper Jayne hat accessory).
Shop vac playing hockey for number 2?
@KC I stared at the remote for awhile wondering why it would say flute. It wasn't til I turned my head slightly that I saw it said mute haha
Oh, this is so exciting! It's like a "caption the picture" post! Whee!
#2 is Santa in the summer.
#3 is totally a piping bag (I'm with you, Mike).
#4 is by me on a day when I haven't slept well and had too much sugar, so that the words formed in my brain and/or my mouth are not actually part of English or any language. Sorry. My bad.
#5 has a screw loose and we're just going to move on here.
#6 is Luke, I Am Your Remote. However, after reading KC's and Elaine's comments, and being a flutist for 30+ years (I was 8 when I started, I swear*), yes, EVERYONE needs a flute button!!! My boss might have written that, except his capital Ms look more like Rs, owing to the first part of his M being taller than the second.
#7 used EZ Cheez as frosting.
#8 reminds me I took a call the other day where the Caller ID read Michael Myers.
*After a recent post from Cake Wrecks Jen, I have come to realize I am 6 months older than her. No wonder we have the same '80s sensibilities. And name.
Just here for the hitchhikers guide references. Not disappointed.
#7, does anybody else remember the cow tools cartoon from the far side?
Well now I can't stop imagining someones dad getting that first cake and now I can't stop laughing either. Either the wreckerators dislike Father's Day or they just have no clue what dad wants. Either way it's hilarious lol.
#2 is in the wrong place - it is clearly meant for Eat Decapitated Santa Day.
Dying laughing!!!!
My favorite part of the Bieber cake is the unironic use of "Artisan."
Multiple people have claimed #2 is supposed to be a barbecue grill. And... I still don't see it. All I see is, âarmless, headless, lumpy fat guy with cooking utensils on his belt.â