Cupcake Day's Race To The Bottom
December 15, 2016 After you see enough cake wrecks, you can start to get the impression that individual cupcakes are a safe bet.
OH CONTRAIRE MONTRAIRE.
(I think some of those might be words. WHAT.)
Behold!
;)
The ghosts of cupcakes past! And a random pile of poo!
And behold!
;)
The song "Run, Run, Rudolph" just got real, y'all.
Keep beholding!
;)
I don't know what these are, but, ew.
And I DO know what these are:
;)
...but, ew.
(Think they're cigarette flavored? [hurk!])
But all of that pales in comparison to the cupcakes that turn every frown completely around - so it's still a frown:
;)
The cupcakes that make accidental nipples seem downright family friendly:
;)
The cupcakes, my friends... that I hear taste like a$$:
;)
o.0
[crickets]
This brings to mind a song, dear minions. May I?
All together, now!
Thanks to Alice S., Bethany P., Matthew S., Sarah R., Heather W., Chris H., & Eric W. for helping us get to the bottom of all cupcake wreckage.
*****
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Reader Comments (35)
Sang it, Bishop! Because there is not enough frosting in the world to make me want those buttcakes.
I am very sorry for you, people of the US. Cigarette promoting cupcakes puts the finishing touch on a bad, bad year for you people.
Inquiring minds want to know! What is the back(side) story for those last, fleshy cupcakes?? And what was the conversation like when they were ordered? GE Lightbulb Convention organizer, "I want twelve dozen cupcakes that look like a place where the sun does't shine."
That last one HAS to be for a proctologist party. Hemorrhoids and fissures and poo -- oh my!
Hi Jen,
I love all your posts, they help me start my day with laughter. I also know that like me, you care about proper grammar and such (although lately I have been seeing more errors in your posts 0.o). To this end I wish to impart a bit of knowledge - The phrase is "Aux (sounds like oh, sort of means the) contraire (you got that right) mon frère (my brother)" In French it rhymes, translated it's more like "On the contrary my brother". Thought you'd like to know.
Those puckered babies at the end were the most disturbing to me. The rest I could see as being one of three possibilities: People who think they are artistic trying to make cute cupcakes and failing, oddball commissions or inadvertently obscene things created by people with cleaner minds than ours.
Ahhh, picture #3: The Solstice Slug
I have something to say about the last grouping of cupcakes, but it may be construed as political (because it's political) and I don't want to annoy people any more than I usually do, but if I were to post it, it would contain the word Cabinet. Hell to the naw naw, indeed.
What occasion calls for cigarette cupcakes? O_o Also, the butt cupcakes DX
Nicotine flavor is a thing now. Gross and unhealthy but being used. I can't imagine who thinks it could possibly be a good idea.
First picture: How did they get so... shiny? Were they baked without removing the Saran Wrap ?
Bottom picture (pun intended): If they were served by the boss, would everyone be expected to kiss them, lick them, or (hurk) eat them?
Tobacco cupcakes, as gross as they sound, are real! The Coffee Shop at Agritopia here in Gilbert AZ offers a Coffee and Cigarettes cupcake made with real tobacco and topped with a fondant cigarette. The girls who make it are sisters who won an episode of Food Network's "Cupcake Wars" making these cupcakes (and some more edible ones, too)!
Certains persons nez savant passe une blague quand ils violent un. Nest–ce pass?
All those poor reindeer and foxes who were recently beheaded for cupcake decorations. Well, obviously, they're fresh, you can still see the blood trickling along the icing.
From https://www.lawlessfrench.com/expressions/au-contraire/: Au contraire has the same meaning in English [as in French], though it tends to be used ironically. It's often playfully turned into 'au contraire, mon frère'—lieterally, "on the contrary, my brother." Note that you should never say this in French unless you're actually talking to your brother.
Joelle, I'm pretty sure "Oh contraire montraire" was intentional, unlike most of the spelling and grammar errors that the wreckerators make. I tried to find a reference to a movie or something geeky, but couldn't find one.
Oh, cripe! I did a "Search Google for image" on that last one. Don't. Just don't.
I don't see buttholes, I see cervixes... which might be worse. Are there plastic ice cube babies in there???
The sticker on the nipple cakes says "Why Cook Tonight, Deli Rotisserie Chicken" ... maybe it's breast meat?
The last photo. How do you even make frosting/fondant/anything edible look like that? And why?
Stuck in my head, "Hell to the Naw Naw". Thanks for the earworm, Jen.
The decorations on those last cupcakes just look like banana slices to me.
Were those sipposed to be some kind of weird flowers? Not Butts? Still fugly, though.
Believe it or not, I think those last cupcakes are the unfortunate result of putting large marshmallows on top and then baking. The center may be where they were originally speared (I know that doesn't make it sound any better).. sigh
@AngelaS, buttcakes made me laugh.
Also, are a couple of them bleeding? o.0
@ Greg, thank you for correcting the "aux contraire" to "au contraire". I was almost positive that it was "au", but I did translation research just to be sure.
That said, I'm sure it was just Jen being funny with "Oh contraire Montraire".
I recently saw a news report where people were giving memorial services in the frozen food section of the grocery store for our turkey "brothers". What the heck?! I don't see anyone picketing or doing services for those poor little clowns an' reindeerses, an TMNTs! I demand some answers!
Those severed heads are just calling out for compassion!
Hey @SuBee, I was curious about your French comment and just had to share what Google Translate came up with:
Original:
Translation:
So appropriate for those last cupcakes, especially considering @Adrian's comment! :)
1. If you look at the bottom left corner, that's the cupcake for the poo emoji.
2. Noooooooooo,Bambi, nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
3. I think that the Activia people will expand it's operations to cupcakes.
4. Why? Just, why?
5. Ok. Those are the portraits of the people that don't have the tobacco, that the previous cupcakes have. (I see the connection now.)
6. Sorry, I think that I'm the only one that don't see the nipples.
7. I see bellybutton and a$$.
I am really REALLY glad that there was a Sunday Sweets in one of the four squares for More!More!More!. I *so* needed a mind cleanser after viewing these cupcakes.
Lmao those last cupcakes look rather uhh puckery to say the least lol. Oh I would be frowning like the other cupcakes at seeing these.
"OK, dermatology students. For the first half of today's class, we'll learn to recognize HPV as it manifests in anal warts. Then, we'll have some snacks."
The first set of cupcakes and the final set seem to be playing to a theme.
Said theme being "hemorrhoids".
#1 photo: center bottom cupcake looks like a snowman melting in a pool of lava. Or maybe the Michelin Man. #3:Slugs? Leeches?
Thank you for this post Jen - it made me laugh out loud several times! I think the comments were even better. Special thanks to Adrian, GhostWithInternetAccess, Jus (!!!!!), and Martin. You all made me laugh so hard I cried, and I needed it after this long week!
...Actually, now that I think about it, the third set also work well for the "Hemorrhoid" theme...
Ick.
"Butt Cupcakes"? Could you be a little more specific about what kind of "butt"?
I clicked through from the feed to watch the video. I would have sworn up and down it would be I'm an @**hole by Denis Leary. But still, good choice of video.