8 Disgusting Medical Cakes Only A Nurse Could Love
May 12, 2015 WARNING: In case the title didn't tip you off, GROSS STUFF AHEAD.
***
Some of you pointed out that we missed Nurses' Week last week, but as luck would have it, today is International Nurses Day! So allow me to rectify last week's omission...
...with a rectum:
;)
Bah-dum-BUM!
My mom was an RN for most of my childhood, so I've seen firsthand how hardworking, devoted, and utterly strange nurses can be.
For example, nurses don't get grossed out. Like, EVER.
Exhibit A:
;)
Before you ask: yes, yes they are.
(And it only gets worse from here, people. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)
Nurses can also be notoriously hard to impress with your collection of boo-boos as a child. It's like, "Oh, did you bump your widdle knee? I WATCHED SOMEONE'S BRAIN FALL OUT TODAY."
;)
"So, yeah, I think you'll be fine."
(Ok, my mom never actually said that to me. But I'm sure she thought it.)
And I've heard of cobwebs on the brain before, but I honest-to-goodness never wanted to SEE it.
Hurk.
Nurses can also develop a... shall we say... UNIQUE sense of humor about the human body.
;)
(For a proctologist, ordered by his nursing staff.)
Yep, if there's one thing I've learned from 7 years of looking at cakes, it's that you medical types REALLY like your butt cakes.
But it's not just butts!
;)
Phlebotomy? PlebotoYOU, am I right?
(John: "That... doesn't even make sense."
Me: "Shhhhh...")
And poop charts. What is it with the poop charts?!
;)
PLEASE STAHP.
I'm not sure which is more horrifying: the fact that this next one is supposed to be a spinal cord, the fact that it's a groom's cake, or those freaky-ass yellow things:
;)
[shudder]
I left the worst for last, though, just to be sure only the strongest of stomach would make it this far.
(And also because John is VERY against my posting this one.)
Last chance to turn back!
And hey, even you medical types may want to put the coffee down. Just sayin'.
Ready?
It's really gross!
You're still scrolling.
Well...
Ohhh kaaaay.
;)
I AM SO SORRY.
Thanks to Tricia D., Alexandra S., Katherine S., Amber S., Anony M., Lisa S., Rebecca, & Genevieve L. for the hand out.
*****
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Reader Comments (89)
Meh. That last cake isn't too bad. I wouldn't eat it though.
This may be the first time that the brown icing that looks like poop is actually supposed to look like poop. And I have to say, they did a good job with it.
ewww. just that. I can't even imagine ... !
😰😖😨EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!😱🙀😱🙀😱🙀😱😛😓😵😲😵😲😵 BBBRRRRRRRAAAALLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFF!!!! i just "ralphed" on my iPad after seeing those cakes!
Get me some kittens! STAT!
I'm a medical person, of sorts (the CVT stands for Certified Veterinary Technician) & before I was a SAHM, I practiced exclusively in emergency care. I have cared for numerous broken bones, animals that fought the car & didn't win, a dog who lost his eye in a battle with a lawnmower, a snake who had a screwdriver stuck through his skull...you get the picture. So though I actually don't shudder at most of these cakes, I (or my colleagues) would NEVER EVER order cakes made like that. We fix it, we don't want to eat it.
Human nurses are weird.
That last one is a tribute to a third degree burn, which is very serious, and can be - depending upon the extent - life threatening. Dead skin must be constantly debrided, so yes, thanking someone for helping you "pick your scabs" is entirely appropriate.
But still gross.
I'm amazed - AMAZED, I tell you! - that the cake decorator actually got the "visual" correct. Darned good job.
Gotta hand it to them on that last one; the writing on it looks like real blood.
Lol I have a strong stomach so hahaha
WHY DID I KEEP SCROLLING? I am easily grossed out...I should have skipped this post. But no, I kept reading. And now I'm feeling faint.
I'm not a nurse, but I enjoyed today's post. I'm just creepy.
Thank you.
Here's two more times we get to say, "That cake has an anus."
Also I bet that last one is from a burn victim... to a nurse.
Thank you, Nurses one and all! We don't know how you do it.
hahahahahahahahahahaha! The awesome thing is that some of them aren't even really wrecks - they're super well-done! And even spelled right! It's just the subject matter that's wrecky.
I do NOT wish to know the backstory on the last one. TYVM.
The yellow things on the spinal cord are nerves. It's probably for a chiropractor or something.
I should've heeded the warning- they're all gross, but that last one was AWFUL! (shudders)
Heeeeyyyy, that's some nice scab work on the last one! (Scabs, burns, whatever.) Loving the shiny ooze factor.
That last one looks like a burn victim. Or a motorcycle accident. I think it needs a skin graft. Ewww.
Also, can you imagine the poop chart being cut? "Oh, this piece has a type 4 on it. Do you still have a type 2 left? Oh, yummy!"
The only reason there continues to be grotesque and inappropriate cakes is because bakers continue to say Yes. I don't really blame people for trying but I do blame bakers for not having standards! Hey bakers! Just say NO!
Dear God, what *is* that thing?
The cord cake is, well interesting. I am a neurologist, and it doesn't look like any spinal cord i've seen!
what it does look like to me is an evil trilobite-evoking alien that is about to jump out of your spinal cord to eat your face. Kinda like the episode on TNG with 'Remick' and the alien conspiracy.
All of these gross photos were just a distraction because you were hoping we'd forget that today, May 12, is your birthday. I hope hubby has a more suitable cake for you today. :)
"Look, Children, a new chapter..."
[all together, excitedly] "SCABS!"
-The Adams Family
I give these kinds of wrecks a hard time, but none of it would really put me off eating them. I mean, it's cake! The only ones I would probably have a hard time with are the life-like newborn ones. Still, Haiku Joy's fondant baby munching makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.
I LOVE the medical and organs and anuses and childbirth and sliced baby cakes! Never gross enough. Every time you show us a moldy cake, though, I instantly want to hurl.
Hope your birthday is a good one! I mailed some stuff to your p.o. box. Nothing gross though, heh!
When I had third degree burns down the side of my face my burn doctor would debride the scabbing every other day. It was not fun. But I ended up with almost invisible scarring, so it was worth it. I also ended up with the nick name "monster from the black lagoon"
Happy Birthday, Oh-Cakey-Goddess-of-Most-High-Snark-and-Random-Sprinkles!!
Happy birthday, Jen, and many more! I hope your hubby gets ypu a beautiful, edible cake to celebrate.
These, not so much.
Apparently bakers never get grossed out either!
Happy Birthday! May John give you an edible cake! :-)
Looks like the second to last cake might be a spine. A really flat spine.
Well, we know what Dr. Mathew's nurses think of him/her!
I would very much appreciate someone who for medically necessary reasons help pick my scabs, but I don't think that person would need a visual representation of such using the medium of cake to understand this.
So, um, let us know when International Medical Examiner's day is!
I'm in nursing school as we speak, and I know of at least four people who would be totally fine with receiving these. LOL
Well, based on their comments during the cat dissection, anyway.......
Pfft. I'm an RN and I can not only drink coffee while seeing these, I could eat them. And I could eat them and drink coffee while looking at the actual models for the cakes. Y'all are wimps.
I NEED a nurse after looking at these cakes!
i worked with nurses in my work life and found their sense of humor to be SO delightfully warped! We dealt with catastrophic cases which required all of their experience, knowledge and compassion and I NEVER LAUGHED MORE. EVER! Yeah, the cakes are really, really cringe-inducing but, unless it looks like an anus, i'd eat it.
Happy Birthday!
I thought they all looked great! (except the spinal one needed more work)
My son has asked me to make a brain cake for my daughter in law's birthday later this month so I hope it looks as good as the one shown above.
PS. Happy birthday!
Huzzah!! You showed my poo cake!!!
This was made for a nurses leaving party. The Bristol Stool Chart is our bread and butter ( so to speak). It was wonderful seeing a group of glamourously made up off duty nurses tucking in..." Is that poo chocolate? Can I try a bit of 2... ?" Nobody was the least bit grossed out, but then it's cake, and we never turn down cake!!
Warning on this one - the poop one is going to give me nightmares and so much worse than the baby coming out one.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Oh-Cakey-Goddess-Of-Most-High-Snark-And-Random-Sprinkles!!!!!!😘😘😘
Honestly, the burn cake doesn't bother me at all. The anus cakes, however, EWWWWW!!!!!!
We have that poop chart hanging up in our lab at vet tech school! (Vet tech appreciation week, incidentally, is in October. I don't know what kind of cakes are out there to celebrate, but I hope they're as delightfully disgusting!)
I can only handle so many butthole cakes in one seven day period...
Non medical types just don't get what goes on in every nurses lounge or (especially) the resident's "bull pen" of every medical facility I've ever worked in. The operative (pun intended ) word here is CAKE. No food, no matter the appearance or condition, is safe from consumption. Anything that is not literally crawling with REAL maggots will be eaten. There is a fine line between microbiology experiment and potential meal.
Can I get an AMEN!
PS my mother was an old school ER nurse. We had to be pumping out an artery to get a Band-aid when I was a Kid!
PPS. Nurses are angels in Danskos.
Perhaps the second cake is a thank you to the doctor who prescribed the application of maggots to clean out an infected wound. This ancient treatment works, and is still used today by doctors who are free from modern prejudices. You can buy special maggots reared in ultra-clean conditions.
Dr. Mathew's birthday cake gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "getting a piece of a$$ at the office".
Seriously, and anus cakes ARE the worst. And WHY is the first one dirty??? Do NOT answer that!!!! :(
Dr. Jim: AMEN (on both points)!! I've been working in the ER of a major trauma center for 15 years, and we will eat anything left in the staff lounge that isn't moving or breathing. Also, in my childhood, I can recall exactly 4 ER visits (for all five of us kids combined) over a period of 20 years. Yet probably 75% of our patients come here for things like "cold symptoms", "runny nose", etc. It boggles my mind that there SO MANY people who average 2 or 3 ER visits per year!! I was 60 years old before I had my third ER visit of my entire life!!!
AGAIN with the * s!!! Here I was hoping maybe for a terrifying Nurse Ratched, but noooo. More a-holes. More poo.
Although the Bristol chart was really well done. And Lidia's goodbye arm.
We wimpy EMTs had an after-shift beer (unless the day included bile barf, or some similar...fluid). No Carvel, nothing that smelled like fruit, no rare roast beef. Although a rookie might be chased around the breakroom with a juicy jelly donut.
I second SaraCVT: Human nurses are weird!
Modern Medical Nurse (with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)
I am the very model of a modern medical Nurse I be
I’ve information on illness, and on all thing bodily,
I know the Bristol stool chart and that makes me quite ephorical,
From Type 1 (like nuts) to watery seven (just think nautical),
I’m very well acquainted too with matters biological
And I can take a rectal temperature with methods technological.
And, as for the spinal cord I am teeming with a lot o’ news—
I know a lot about using maggots just in case you want to schmooze.
I’m very good at writing and I do not have cacography
I know the name for drawing blood; it is in fact phlebotomy,
In short, in matters cranial, anial and what else I see,
I am the very model of a modern medical Nurse I be.
What does it say about me that I found none of those cakes gross?
As a nurse, I must say...
These are AWESOME!