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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
May122015

8 Disgusting Medical Cakes Only A Nurse Could Love

WARNING: In case the title didn't tip you off, GROSS STUFF AHEAD.

***

Some of you pointed out that we missed Nurses' Week last week, but as luck would have it, today is International Nurses Day! So allow me to rectify last week's omission...

...with a rectum:

Bah-dum-BUM!

 

My mom was an RN for most of my childhood, so I've seen firsthand how hardworking, devoted, and utterly strange nurses can be.
For example, nurses don't get grossed out. Like, EVER.

Exhibit A:

Before you ask: yes, yes they are.

(And it only gets worse from here, people. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

 

Nurses can also be notoriously hard to impress with your collection of boo-boos as a child. It's like, "Oh, did you bump your widdle knee? I WATCHED SOMEONE'S BRAIN FALL OUT TODAY."

"So, yeah, I think you'll be fine."

(Ok, my mom never actually said that to me. But I'm sure she thought it.)

And I've heard of cobwebs on the brain before, but I honest-to-goodness never wanted to SEE it.
Hurk.

 

Nurses can also develop a... shall we say... UNIQUE sense of humor about the human body.

(For a proctologist, ordered by his nursing staff.)

 

Yep, if there's one thing I've learned from 7 years of looking at cakes, it's that you medical types REALLY like your butt cakes.
But it's not just butts!

Phlebotomy? PlebotoYOU, am I right?

(John: "That... doesn't even make sense."
Me: "Shhhhh...")

 

And poop charts. What is it with the poop charts?!

PLEASE STAHP.

 

I'm not sure which is more horrifying: the fact that this next one is supposed to be a spinal cord, the fact that it's a groom's cake, or those freaky-ass yellow things:

[shudder]

 

I left the worst for last, though, just to be sure only the strongest of stomach would make it this far.
(And also because John is VERY against my posting this one.)

Last chance to turn back!

And hey, even you medical types may want to put the coffee down. Just sayin'.

Ready?

It's really gross!

You're still scrolling.

Well...

Ohhh kaaaay.

I AM SO SORRY.

 

Thanks to Tricia D., Alexandra S., Katherine S., Amber S., Anony M., Lisa S., Rebecca, & Genevieve L. for the hand out.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (88)

Meh. That last cake isn't too bad. I wouldn't eat it though.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie Knope

This may be the first time that the brown icing that looks like poop is actually supposed to look like poop. And I have to say, they did a good job with it.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBW

ewww. just that. I can't even imagine ... !

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNata

😰😖😨EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!😱🙀😱🙀😱🙀😱😛😓😵😲😵😲😵 BBBRRRRRRRAAAALLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFF!!!! i just "ralphed" on my iPad after seeing those cakes!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Get me some kittens! STAT!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

I'm a medical person, of sorts (the CVT stands for Certified Veterinary Technician) & before I was a SAHM, I practiced exclusively in emergency care. I have cared for numerous broken bones, animals that fought the car & didn't win, a dog who lost his eye in a battle with a lawnmower, a snake who had a screwdriver stuck through his skull...you get the picture. So though I actually don't shudder at most of these cakes, I (or my colleagues) would NEVER EVER order cakes made like that. We fix it, we don't want to eat it.

Human nurses are weird.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

That last one is a tribute to a third degree burn, which is very serious, and can be - depending upon the extent - life threatening. Dead skin must be constantly debrided, so yes, thanking someone for helping you "pick your scabs" is entirely appropriate.

But still gross.

I'm amazed - AMAZED, I tell you! - that the cake decorator actually got the "visual" correct. Darned good job.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Gotta hand it to them on that last one; the writing on it looks like real blood.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Lol I have a strong stomach so hahaha

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

WHY DID I KEEP SCROLLING? I am easily grossed out...I should have skipped this post. But no, I kept reading. And now I'm feeling faint.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAlyssaJ

I'm not a nurse, but I enjoyed today's post. I'm just creepy.

Thank you.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Here's two more times we get to say, "That cake has an anus."

Also I bet that last one is from a burn victim... to a nurse.

Thank you, Nurses one and all! We don't know how you do it.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBea

hahahahahahahahahahaha! The awesome thing is that some of them aren't even really wrecks - they're super well-done! And even spelled right! It's just the subject matter that's wrecky.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

I do NOT wish to know the backstory on the last one. TYVM.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

The yellow things on the spinal cord are nerves. It's probably for a chiropractor or something.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commentertracylee

I should've heeded the warning- they're all gross, but that last one was AWFUL! (shudders)

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Heeeeyyyy, that's some nice scab work on the last one! (Scabs, burns, whatever.) Loving the shiny ooze factor.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

That last one looks like a burn victim. Or a motorcycle accident. I think it needs a skin graft. Ewww.

Also, can you imagine the poop chart being cut? "Oh, this piece has a type 4 on it. Do you still have a type 2 left? Oh, yummy!"

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLcp

The only reason there continues to be grotesque and inappropriate cakes is because bakers continue to say Yes. I don't really blame people for trying but I do blame bakers for not having standards! Hey bakers! Just say NO!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Dear God, what *is* that thing?

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRobynR

The cord cake is, well interesting. I am a neurologist, and it doesn't look like any spinal cord i've seen!
what it does look like to me is an evil trilobite-evoking alien that is about to jump out of your spinal cord to eat your face. Kinda like the episode on TNG with 'Remick' and the alien conspiracy.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterInge Loy

All of these gross photos were just a distraction because you were hoping we'd forget that today, May 12, is your birthday. I hope hubby has a more suitable cake for you today. :)

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

"Look, Children, a new chapter..."

[all together, excitedly] "SCABS!"

-The Adams Family

I give these kinds of wrecks a hard time, but none of it would really put me off eating them. I mean, it's cake! The only ones I would probably have a hard time with are the life-like newborn ones. Still, Haiku Joy's fondant baby munching makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

I LOVE the medical and organs and anuses and childbirth and sliced baby cakes! Never gross enough. Every time you show us a moldy cake, though, I instantly want to hurl.

Hope your birthday is a good one! I mailed some stuff to your p.o. box. Nothing gross though, heh!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKW

When I had third degree burns down the side of my face my burn doctor would debride the scabbing every other day. It was not fun. But I ended up with almost invisible scarring, so it was worth it. I also ended up with the nick name "monster from the black lagoon"

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBeckyH

Happy Birthday, Oh-Cakey-Goddess-of-Most-High-Snark-and-Random-Sprinkles!!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

Happy birthday, Jen, and many more! I hope your hubby gets ypu a beautiful, edible cake to celebrate.

These, not so much.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Apparently bakers never get grossed out either!

Happy Birthday! May John give you an edible cake! :-)

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Looks like the second to last cake might be a spine. A really flat spine.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKassi

Well, we know what Dr. Mathew's nurses think of him/her!

I would very much appreciate someone who for medically necessary reasons help pick my scabs, but I don't think that person would need a visual representation of such using the medium of cake to understand this.

So, um, let us know when International Medical Examiner's day is!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

I'm in nursing school as we speak, and I know of at least four people who would be totally fine with receiving these. LOL

Well, based on their comments during the cat dissection, anyway.......

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterManda

Pfft. I'm an RN and I can not only drink coffee while seeing these, I could eat them. And I could eat them and drink coffee while looking at the actual models for the cakes. Y'all are wimps.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDevon

I NEED a nurse after looking at these cakes!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

i worked with nurses in my work life and found their sense of humor to be SO delightfully warped! We dealt with catastrophic cases which required all of their experience, knowledge and compassion and I NEVER LAUGHED MORE. EVER! Yeah, the cakes are really, really cringe-inducing but, unless it looks like an anus, i'd eat it.
Happy Birthday!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered Commenters.marie

I thought they all looked great! (except the spinal one needed more work)
My son has asked me to make a brain cake for my daughter in law's birthday later this month so I hope it looks as good as the one shown above.
PS. Happy birthday!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCaryl

Huzzah!! You showed my poo cake!!!
This was made for a nurses leaving party. The Bristol Stool Chart is our bread and butter ( so to speak). It was wonderful seeing a group of glamourously made up off duty nurses tucking in..." Is that poo chocolate? Can I try a bit of 2... ?" Nobody was the least bit grossed out, but then it's cake, and we never turn down cake!!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterClaire

Warning on this one - the poop one is going to give me nightmares and so much worse than the baby coming out one.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMel

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Oh-Cakey-Goddess-Of-Most-High-Snark-And-Random-Sprinkles!!!!!!😘😘😘

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Honestly, the burn cake doesn't bother me at all. The anus cakes, however, EWWWWW!!!!!!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

We have that poop chart hanging up in our lab at vet tech school! (Vet tech appreciation week, incidentally, is in October. I don't know what kind of cakes are out there to celebrate, but I hope they're as delightfully disgusting!)

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I can only handle so many butthole cakes in one seven day period...

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHeather A

Non medical types just don't get what goes on in every nurses lounge or (especially) the resident's "bull pen" of every medical facility I've ever worked in. The operative (pun intended ) word here is CAKE. No food, no matter the appearance or condition, is safe from consumption. Anything that is not literally crawling with REAL maggots will be eaten. There is a fine line between microbiology experiment and potential meal.

Can I get an AMEN!

PS my mother was an old school ER nurse. We had to be pumping out an artery to get a Band-aid when I was a Kid!

PPS. Nurses are angels in Danskos.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterDr. Jim

Perhaps the second cake is a thank you to the doctor who prescribed the application of maggots to clean out an infected wound. This ancient treatment works, and is still used today by doctors who are free from modern prejudices. You can buy special maggots reared in ultra-clean conditions.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

Dr. Mathew's birthday cake gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "getting a piece of a$$ at the office".

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterProfessor Hcireded

Seriously, and anus cakes ARE the worst. And WHY is the first one dirty??? Do NOT answer that!!!! :(

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Dr. Jim: AMEN (on both points)!! I've been working in the ER of a major trauma center for 15 years, and we will eat anything left in the staff lounge that isn't moving or breathing. Also, in my childhood, I can recall exactly 4 ER visits (for all five of us kids combined) over a period of 20 years. Yet probably 75% of our patients come here for things like "cold symptoms", "runny nose", etc. It boggles my mind that there SO MANY people who average 2 or 3 ER visits per year!! I was 60 years old before I had my third ER visit of my entire life!!!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterProfessor Hcireded

AGAIN with the * s!!! Here I was hoping maybe for a terrifying Nurse Ratched, but noooo. More a-holes. More poo.
Although the Bristol chart was really well done. And Lidia's goodbye arm.
We wimpy EMTs had an after-shift beer (unless the day included bile barf, or some similar...fluid). No Carvel, nothing that smelled like fruit, no rare roast beef. Although a rookie might be chased around the breakroom with a juicy jelly donut.
I second SaraCVT: Human nurses are weird!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBlondie's Mom

Modern Medical Nurse (with apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)

I am the very model of a modern medical Nurse I be
I’ve information on illness, and on all thing bodily,
I know the Bristol stool chart and that makes me quite ephorical,
From Type 1 (like nuts) to watery seven (just think nautical),
I’m very well acquainted too with matters biological
And I can take a rectal temperature with methods technological.
And, as for the spinal cord I am teeming with a lot o’ news—
I know a lot about using maggots just in case you want to schmooze.

I’m very good at writing and I do not have cacography
I know the name for drawing blood; it is in fact phlebotomy,
In short, in matters cranial, anial and what else I see,
I am the very model of a modern medical Nurse I be.

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

What does it say about me that I found none of those cakes gross?

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEohippus

As a nurse, I must say...

These are AWESOME!

May 12, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

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