A Day In The Life
December 30, 2015 Jen and I are often asked what it's like to be "professional" bloggers. How do we spend our days? Do we have a swimming pool filled with gold coins? Are there fantastic parties and gourmet ketchups? The answer to all these questions is yes. Jen even has a green dress. (But not a real green dress. That's cruel.)
That doesn't mean it's all fun and games, though. Sometimes we take naps.
In fact, I think I'll keep a diary for a day, just so you can see firsthand the "glorious life" of the "Professional Blogger." Enjoy!
1:00 pm - Woke up to cats hammering on door and yowling. Note to self: get thicker door. Also, new cats.
"Mrow?"
1:35 pm - Cats' yowls going super sonic. Ear plugs ineffective. Time for the Super Soaker.
"Mruh Mroh."
2:10 pm - Jen's awake. Cats are hiding. I ask in my best Kirk impression (complete with hand gestures), "JEN! Are... you... readytobe... funny? We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill!"
Jen:
Note to self: Avoid Kirk impressions before Jen's fully awake.
3:45 pm - Checked on Jen in the office. She has 27 browser tabs open and is humming "Loathing." So far, so good.
5:20 pm - Jen comes out of her office to reheat some "breakfast."
Pizza and Maalox: breakfast of champions.
7:20 pm - A yell from the office: "Oy! What're some puns for 'lactating?'"
7:32 pm - Final tally: Milking it, so cheesy, really sucks, staying abreast of the whole situation, whipped into a frenzy, creamy complexion, skim off the top, nipped a pair of area oreos
8:15 pm - Maniacal laughter coming from office.
8:21 pm - Loud sobs coming from office.
8:30 pm - Colorful swearing coming from office. Huh. Rapid mood swings may indicate low blood sugar. I bring Jen a cookie.
Effect is immediate. "Ohh, and also 'eat, drink, and be dairy!'"
10:45 pm - Heading to McDonald's for lunch.
Thank goodness we're not food bloggers. (Oh. Wait...)
12:20 am- Break time. Watching Castle with Jen.
*snorfle*
2:15 am- Jen heads back to the office. I'm off to bed.
(This was supposed to say "Just because." Seriously.)
3:35 am - Woken by a loud yell. Rushed out to find Jen staring horror-struck at a new e-mail:
"Why? WHY?!?"
I think it's going to be another long night.
Thanks to Lyle, James, Alistair, Carissa, Amanda M., Helen W., Elizabeth M., Kristin S., Eilen, Tyler O., Dana S., & Beatrice Y., for helping us avoid "real" jobs. Now: nap time!
*****
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Reader Comments (35)
Is the lobster doing YMCA? Take a look in the background!
I envy you guys. All I do is look at pictures of cake & cats all day.
Oh! Wait a minute. ;)
The Lobster disaster...a 'Trojan Lobster' perhaps? Or the newest Lady Gaga venture (hey, she wore BACON and Meat dress, why not Lobster), complete with the burning candle in the lobster claw! This is what nightmares and day-mares are made of people. Not with monsters, not with aliens, but with CAKE! Ugh.
Thank you John this diary was hilarious! I love my morning coffee-snort while on my favorite blog ever! May you and Jen and the cats have a wonderful happy, healthy, safe and Wrecky New Year!
Okay, this was hilarious as always, and I loved the Barenaked Ladies reference!
So, is that a tower of real (triumphant) lobster, or is that a cake? Looks like it came from some whacky cruise ship.
Have 47 other people already asked what Jamie Hyneman is doing in the lobster pic?
Bwahaha hahhahaha
The only thing scarier than the lobster volcano is the facial hair on the chef in the background.
Does the castle cake say "sea poop" on it? Is that a thing?
Are those sugar cube battlements on the castle cake? And real chains as the gold decorations? Mmm, gold chain floss. Must be another Lifestyles of the Wrecky and Famous things.
On the last one, I can hear the blonde saying "I AM the Lobster King!" (Lobster, Rock Lobster, Lobster, Rock Aaaargh!)
Had to go back and embiggen the castle pic. It does look like it says "sea poop" @Betty Martin.
10:45 PM Heading to McDonald's for LUNCH
I would totally eat those heart cookies.
Why? Because what else goes with a polyvinyl chloride topiary decked in a pink plastic boa and an Imperialist Russian ship captain?
Follow the adventures of The Lyublyu Boat as Tsarist supporters try to escape Leninist forces by making their way through U-boat infested waters. It's excitement each week as a new group of émigrés try to sell their belongings in hopes of obtaining Danish or French visas.
5:20 PM looks like a podiatrist's nightmare to me.
What is the topper on the castle? It looks a bit like a knight standing by his seated lady with both wearing armour styled by the Nazgul. And she possibly has tentacles instead of legs - or is that an actual ring half buried in icing?
But not a real green dress - that's cruel. One of my 2 favorite song lyrics! The other is "Noah, he lived in a whale. He made his home in a fish's abdomen." :)
"sea poop" - Yep, and that would explain the color of the cake. @10:45: Please tell me those aren't actual sesame seeds? Is the orange thong supposed to be cheese?! Sigh. Also, do I want to know why there are chocolate jimmies - aka sprinkles - all around Lady Godiva? @Chicago - now that you mention it,.. good call.
um, this whole thing was awesome. thanks for the insider look :)
"...real green dress." I love you guys so much!
I'm still trying to figure out what the one with the orange triangle is supposed to be. A carrot? A street cone? A slice of pizza on the floor? My aunt's earring? What is it? What is eeeeet?!
What is Dee Schneider doing dressed up in a lobster outfit....bad cosplay??
I love you guys even more for the BNL lyrics!
Sounds like being a pro blogger is almost as easy as teaching, bwahahaha!
I thought I was the only one whose cat wakes me up by throwing himself against my bedroom door. Sometimes he does it because he wants out. Sometimes he's hungry. Sometimes he needs me to watch him take one bite of food and then go lay down. Whatever the reason, it drives me crazy!
I saw the crazy lobster cake, and as much as I love and live for the B-52s, I heard the voice of a young pre-SNL Bill Murray in my demented mind:
“Everybody get outta here, there’s a lobster loose! Ohhhh, holy cow, he’s loose! Everybody get outta here – he’s vengeful! Quickly! Cover yourself with hot butter and carry lemons just in case you have to squirt him with it and so forth, to repel him! Everybody get outta here, quickly! There’s gonna be a tradegy! Oh, God! Ohhhh – Haaaah!”
Cheers, and Happy New Year, you lovely nerdkids,
Storm
Dairy Christmas and a happy new year to the Cake Wrecks team.
@GeekLen
I think it's supposed to be a slice of cheese melting down the side of the 'burger'.
If so, that means we've got a poorly-done cake rendition of American cheese, which is barely food to begin with. There's something awesome about that, but I'm not sure why.
UnAdulterated LOATHing! Thanks for the earworm.
Lmao that lobster thing would give me nightmares too. Wow. The things poor Jen sees in her email makes me glad I don't have to open them lol.
That second cake, with the words "Mruh Mroh," made me shout with laughter. Thank you for that. The one that followed, almost as loudly.
I would probably never be able to eat that lobster cake, but I am impressed by the detail.
Well, SOMEBODY likes Dr. Demento and the parody 'Star Trekking'!!!
"We come in peace (shoot to kill, shoot to kill)"
Gotta add this quote one of these days, when the perfect Wreck comes along,
"Dammit Jim, I'm a DOCTOR, not a BAKER!"
(maybe for one of the new baby cakes)
You can't imagine how glad I am that I'm not the only person whose day starts in the afternoon and ends in the early morning.
(No, I'm not, sadly, a blogger. I work retail.)
*le sigh*
It's cake, Jen, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.
Craig T., if I weren't already hopelessly in love with jackwire, I'd propose to you!