Thursday
Jun262014
Happy Womb Expulsion Day!
June 26, 2014 This week the Happy Birthday song is 121 years old!
All together, now!
Happy bathday to you...
;)
Happy birdhday to you...
;)
*sigh*
[ahem]
Happy BLIMDAY dear...
;)
[whimper]
Brithty sooo-oong...
;)
[sound of head banging on desktop]
HAAAAPPY...
;)
;)
;)
;)
(For a 90-yr-old grandmother)
;)
;)
(Supposed to be "Matthew.")
;)
OH FORGET IT.
Thanks to Alex B., Alexander O., Aaron, Brittany G., Amber T., Anita B., Allison R., Anony M., Gemma G., Genevieve B, & Julia G. for the wreck-along.
*****
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Reader Comments (53)
I'm sure these were all a clever plot to avoid paying royalties... Good Job, Wreckerators!!!!
Grace is lucky. When is bitchday? I have so much to bitch about! Bitch about stuff and eat cake. Sounds perfect.
"Happy Bitchday Gracl"?
Just curious....do the people that order the cakes actually pay for these awful wrecks? Or are most of these homemade by illiterate people?
When I make a birthday cake for someone something I like to do as a signature is to us uppercase letters in the word birthday but make the h lower case. Most of the time no one notices unless I point it out.
This however has always baffled me.
When I saw the post title, I thought it said "Happy Womb EXPLOSION Day." (Sleepy from drugs to fight an ear infection.) So I braced myself for some really bad/disgusting baby shower cakes.
Whew! Well, that wasn't so bad. Or at least, not as gross as I thought this was gonna be.
Except for poor Felix. The writing, the sprinkles, the misspellings -- tragic. Gabby's cake comes in at a very close second. At least she got lots of chocolate.
How wrong is it of me to hope and pray for a Happy Bitchday cake??? When I scrolled to Grace's, I said "YES" so loud my coworkers were concerned. My day is complete.... :)
I'd eat that first one no matter what it said....looks yummy!
Happy Birhty Genama (Cenama? Gerama? Grandma?) is just pathetic. :(
I'm stoked-- can't wait to celebrate my next bitchday, 2 months from now. Puts a whole new spin on things.
Happy Bitchday.... Oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I so want that cake.
Happy Birtday! Grab your surfbordt and let's hit the beach!
Happy Blimday? What the hell?
I realize that not all bad spellers are stupid. My sister is brilliant but can't spell worth beans. BUT SHE DOESN'T WORK AS A CAKE DECORATOR!! Buy a dictionary people!!
I think the "Gabby" cake is the worst. Looks like they originally spelled it as "Gobby." I feel sorry for poor Matthew. Although, the rest of his cake is really cute.
Okay, end rant. Give me a piece of bitchday cake and I'll be in the corner, mumbling.
I LOVE "Happy Bitchday"!
And it looks to me on the first one like 'Bathday' had something else first that was scraped off and changed to 'a'. Wonder what that was?
"Birchday" or "b*tchday"? Poor grandma…And it looks like Matthew got his name "Welshified".
@JoJo: As per Cakewrecks rules, only professional cakes are represented in this blog. Though, most of the time, the word "professional" commands quotation marks.
My Birthday was on the 24th, so this post has been a special treat for me: Thank you! XD
Perhaps we should just go with pie next year....
It's also Chris O'Donnell's BirYaY! (OK, to be honest, I had to use my trusty friend Google to find that out.)
Can I have a Happy Bitch Day, too? It's been a rough week around here.
As Winnie the Pooh and Owl would say, "HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY"
Observations on the first five cakes….
Cake 1: In the arid country of Zwbak, birthdays are accompanied by the celebrant’s sole annual bath. Unfortunately, due to the shortage of water, it is a dirt bath, which is exfoliating but not refreshing. Pictured here is a typical cake for that occasion, celebrating both the birthday and the bathday. The dark center of the cake represents the earth, while the brown piles are symbolic of the animal poop that is placed around the bath area to keep predators away. The missing section of the cake signifies the shedding of the old year and the renewal of life as brought about through the full-body exfoliation.
Cake 2: Not only people get cakes. This cake was made for the Birdman of Alcatraz’s bird, Felix. The inscription “Birdhday” is an abbreviation for Bird Happy Day, based upon the assumption birds no nothing about birthdays but are capable of knowing a happy day. The “sprinkles” are really grains of rice pilfered from the prison mess hall and colored with the peelings from an orange and green pepper, from the same source. The cake (and the greeting) is made of toothpaste that was secreted out of the bathroom by rinsing, but not spitting.
Cake 3: It’s been a while since anyone has publically seen a Blimday cake, since it celebrates a small piece of hash, or small amount of cannabis (blim). While a blim is too small to use by itself, put a bunch together and voila! This cake celebrates collecting enough blims to make for a mellow day. (In some places the event is known as The Gathering of the Blims.) The border decoration is not significant, though roses are a common motif. Some scholars think it means that once the cake is consumed, it will be a “rosy” day, but that is speculation at this point.
Cake 4: As we know from previous post and comments, any cake with balloons on it does not really have balloons on it. With its hastily and poorly written message, this cake is nothing more than a puerile attempt to put smut on public display.
Cake 5: This out this world cake celebrates the residents of Clak’Dor VII.
I see that I am not alone in my desire for an actual "Bitchday."
How does one officialize a holiday? Should I contact my congressional representative? They're not doing anything else. Is there a Schoolhouse Rock song explaining what needs to be done?
I am Bitchday.
I'm a new holiday.
Will you make me official? Hey, hey.
WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN????
I'm happy to know that official cake decorating rules now allow for do-overs on the same cake. Can't finish birthday? Go to the next line and try again! I may now have a budding career in cake decorating.
Happy Bittcay everyone! Now who wants mounds and mounds of blue poop-tip frosting, huh?
Happy Bitchday to you,
Happy Bitchday to you,
There's none quite as cranky
And bitchy as you!!!!
What a Birthy Day that was,
all those years ago.
when mom birthed us and we were birthed
I bet you didn't know.
I like how in the "Happy Birtcay" cake the decorator wrote the same mistake twice, in different colors.
Clearly these are not wrecks but rather fans of Winnie The Pooh by A. A. Milne. Here is an excerpt from Chapter VI - In Which Eeyore Has A Birthday And Gets Two Presents:
___________________________________________________________________
So Owl wrote . . . and this is what he wrote:
HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY.
Pooh looked on admiringly.
"I'm just saying 'A Happy Birthday'," said Owl carelessly.
"It's a nice long one," said Pooh, very much impressed by it.
"Well, actually, of course, I'm saying 'A Very Happy Birthday with love from Pooh.' Naturally it takes a good deal of pencil to say a long thing like that."
"Oh, I see," said Pooh.
______________________________________________________________________________________
And so you can see, these are clear cut examples of a WTP (Winnie The Pooh) fan trend not, as you have mistakenly represented, gross misspellings by extremely incompetent bakers who are incapable of writing something out to double check their spelling before they start squeezing the piping bag of frosting all over the top of a cake. Sheesh. Anyone would know that! *eye roll*
I suspect the decorator of Gabby's cake had to be shot with a tranquilizer dart to get her to stop writing. They pried the pastry bag out of her hands before the ambulance arrived to take her off to the "spa". Yeah, tell her it is a nice spa vacation.
*headdesk* some people are too dumb to breathe. I'd still eat the first and last cakes, they look yummy O_o
I want Seabird to decorate my next birthday cake. I have not had a birthday cake for at least 30 years but for that lettering, I'd celebrate. ;)
Ah, I just noticed the final message. Sandy can decorate, too. With love from Pooh.
And I also want a Happy Bitchday cake. Any time will do.
thank you, thank you all. Even though, honestly, I too have to wonder at "professional" ...
Lordy! I am SO glad the American education system is turning out such *stunning* scholars.
In Kentucky there is a law requiring citizens to bathe once a year, (no doubt a necessary requirement at when it was created) so a "Happy Bathday" cake may not actually be a mistake in Kentucky.
Perhaps "Blimday" is not as bad as it seems; perhaps there was a local event celebrating helium-filled dirigibles and this store decided to sell cakes wishing people "Happy Blimpday"?
"Happy Bichday Grace" ...so they misspelled birth and bitch; double fail.
Another double fail, the "ΠATTHY\X/" cake appears to have been "corrected" to "BiRYAY" from "BiRYhY".....wow, I can imagine that conversation happening in the bakery:
*1st quasi-literate employee writes BiRYhY on cake*
2nd quasi-literate employee: "Hey, you spelled that wrong. It's BiRYAY!"
1st: "Wow...you are so SMART! I never would've known that was wrong! Hey, do you know how to spell 'Matthew'? "
2nd: "Easy...Capital Pi-A-T-T-H-Y-\-X-/ ....and make sure the \X/ touches so it looks kinda like a W..."
1st: "OMG, You are such a GENIUS!"
Apparently the recipient of the first cake lives were there is a severe water shortage and the residents all have to draw lots periodically as to who gets to be able to bathe. This lucky guy was this weeks winner!
I would have totally bought the third one if I came across it in the store! "Happy Blimday Everyone!"
@mel and @Sandy -- brilliant observations! As for me, every day is Bitchday! ;)
Too bad my sister's birthday is in April. I would have loved to order her the Happy Bitchday cake just to see her face.
The rest of these . . . Mildred and Patty Hill are rolling over in their graves.
Today's my birthday so this is perfect! Although now that I'm over 40 Bitchday sounds way more fun than birthdays. Kind of like how I celebrate Mother's Day Monday with my kids and husband far away from me.
Wow. That is a lot of commitment to Getting it Wrong.
Seriously, "BIRTHDAY"; not even as hard as "congratulations".
How did you know today was my Bitchday ? It was actually on Tuesday but celebrating it late still makes it special.
I read through today's selections: chortle, chortle.
Then I read through the comments: my eyes watered and my sides ached from laughing so hard.
I love Cakewrecks! And I would LOVE a bitchday cake too!
Nicely done! You now owe Time Warner $5,000.00 for use of Happy Birthday.
I so want my own Happy Bitchday cake. My actual birthday is in 4 days. So I showed my hubby that cake. Crossing fingers.....
@subee: PLZ MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!
@SuBee, I'd sign that petition! And I'd bet the 90 year old grandma was like "finally! A reason to really celebrate", because we all know that we'll be over it by 90:)
I just have to add...
How much does everyone love the spelling of happy on that last cake?
Hapay
I think I'm going to have to switch to saying and spelling it this way from now on.
It will make me so hapay!
Oohh, my Bitchday was last weekend and I missed out on a proper cake. Now I have to wait for a whole year!! **pouting**
I guess we should be glad you didn't find a cake that said "Happy BRISday"! Ouch!
And I hereby declare June 26th the annual internet Bitch Day! Let us all go and spread the word. Next year you will hear such bitching it will deafen you!
@Zippy: :-)
I didn't know Matthew was Welsh!
I want a bitch day too lol. Cause when I get cranky I should get cake. Keeps people safe around here lol. Wow at these wrecks.. my brain just can't fathom what the heck these wreckerators are even doing in a bakery.
I, too, was bracing for gross birth cakes after that title.
Meanwhile I thought Grace's cake said Happy Bitchday.
Ordered by either someone who is not Grace's fan, or is one of Grace's most loyal supporters.
Meanwhile, I'd like to have a bitchday today. and some chocolate.
I would totally be down with Grace's cake, especially if I could have a party to go along with it. Of course, it would be MY Bitchday, so nobody would be allowed to bitch but me. It's MY day, people!
Clearly I don't need a holiday as an excuse, but everything is better when cake is involved :D
I believe "Bitchday" is something akin to "Mother's Day," but for female dogs.