Weekly Wreck Up 2/7/14
February 7, 2014 Some of my favorites that came in this week:
;)
Oooh, Let's is!
How I know Valentine's Day is coming:
;)
Stop picturing the swirly things as legs. Stop picturing the swirly things as legs. Stop picturing...
And after that, Mardi Gras!
;)
Which is clearly flipping us all off for not knowing a fleur-de-lis when we see one.
(Btw, why is this on shelves already? Mardi Gras is in March, bakers! MARCH!)
***
[Update: Everyone else: "It's actually traditional to sell King Cakes from January through Mardi Gras."
Me: "That's a KING CAKE?!"]
***
And while you're chewing on that mystery, here's another:
;)
WHAT UP
(If you can stare at anything besides that blue ball Mr. Baldy McParachute-Pants is squatting on, then you're a better woman than I.)
Still, the crown jewel of this week's collection - the veritable pièce de résistance, if you will - has to be this thing:
;)
What.
the actual.
heck.
Thanks to Karyn S., Debi S., Robbie B., Lacey F., & Sarah W. for the magical ant-infested breakfast floating over an instagrammed landscape, because, seriously, I couldn't even make this stuff up.
*****
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Reader Comments (84)
Well, I WASN"T picturing the swirly things as legs BEFORE you said something. Thanks for that. :P And that last one? What. the. actual. ****.
So I looked into the comments to see if anyone could shed some light on that last one... but no one has commented yet. I'll just have to sit here and stare at it some more, then maybe it'll come to me. No, on second thought, I don't want anything that looks like that to come to me.
Sung to Patsy Cline's "Crazy"
Crazy.
It's crazy these cakes are so wrecky.
It's crazy to write "Let's is snow" out in blue.
Now I can't help seeing those things as odd legs
I hope someday
The Fleur-de-lis won't flip off you.
Surely.
Surely he should see a doctor.
Asking
Why is my one big ball blue?
Okay-zee.
I'm throwing out most of my breakfast.
It's crazy they're trying
To get someone buying
Ant infested eggs for two.
In the wrecker's defense, the fleur-de-lis (I think) is supposed to be a King Cake. It is appropriate to serve King Cake now, through Mardi Gras (which is this year on March 4. Prepare for more wrecks!
Okay, We now have learned that there is a place where bacon and egg flowers grow in an ant infested chocolate chip cookie cake; talk about identity crisis! … and only $9.00! Oooo what a bargoon!
But, then, just above that, we have the "Traditional Satin White - yellow cake" with inscrutable graphics and fractured English for $20.00! Wow! (I feel sick)
The last one is a plate of breakfast. Bacon,sausage and eggs sprinkled with pepper. The flowers are the design on the plate. C'mon, so obvious =)
Bacon and eggs here
With a flat and round brown turd
But what I see? Ants.
Just a word about Mardi Gras. The season ENDS the day before Ash Wednesday, but technically it BEGINS on Epiphany, January 6. So, this year, with Easter and therefore Mardi Gras so late, we have many extra weeks to enjoy disastrous King Cake wrecks and other festive creations. Laissez le bons temps roulez!!!
It's obvious what the last one is. The decorator had run out of ideas and just recreated his actual breakfast that morning. Bacon, sausage patty, and eggs with lots of pepper on a flower plate.
It should sell like hot cakes! Too bad he didn't have that for breakfast instead.
That last one? Eggs, sausage patty, bacon, on a flowered plate, with freshly ground pepper. Who wants breakfast?
Please tell me those black specks are pepper and not ants. But who peppers their plate?? Did they close their eyes and hurl pepper in the general direction of their breakfast? And what's with the poo sausage? mmmmm..... roll THAT around yer gums.
I should know better than to look at Cake Wrecks when I'm at work and my office door is open.
O_o is all I can say
King cakes are available throughout the Carnival season, so they make their way to the shelves (on their own sometimes, I think) in January and are then available through Mardi Gras, when they disappear for another year. (I'm not going to lie, I think sometimes king cakes get put away at Mardi Gras and the same cake gets brought out again the next year.)
I'm thinking the airbrushing under the bacon, sausage, and eggs is the decorative breakfast plate. For the "What up" cake, at first I saw Ernie from Sesame Street with his head shaved...
You see that small instructional label near the last cake? It's instructing you to slide that messo'cakeabreakfasteus off the table and into the trash.
Do you want a cake for your birthday with some nice flowers?
No, I want a breakfast cookie.
A breakfast cookie?
Yes, two peppery fried eggs, two strips of bacon, and a sausage patty, on a cookie, and no candles.
Well, OK...but I'm gonna add some flowers, too...it is a special day....
If the ants on the last cake are real why are they only attracted to the eggs? What is the brown blob on the right supposed to be if anything. It is a very strange cake. As for goods arriving in shops way in advance of the holiday they are intended for, we have had Hot Cross Buns ofr Good Friday since Christmas and Easter Eggs have been in the shops over a week now and it's over two months until Easter.It is almost as bad as the run up to Christmas.
I prefer to look at Wreck #2 as Meatwad (ATHF) dancing in his Valentine's Day finery (see https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTjwcx4muxnXjAcvOyTthb3H7bW9yukPm9eRcDaw9Qfc6bl8TNS for his normal look)
And #4 looks like the love child of Bert and Ernie...
@Sharyn - You take one of my favorite songs, then sprinkle ant-infested AWESOME on it! I heard every word of it going through my mind in Patsy Cline's voice.
The last one is a breakfast picnic with ants on the eggs and a field of flowers in the background where a puppy has done his business and a couple of fires in the sky (?) Looks like a wonderful child's drawing. But as a cake, it's pretty bad. Oh, now I see the breakfast plate, much better-but not as a cake.
I didn't notice the blue thing the clown was squatting on, or the legs of the swirly thing until you mentioned it.
The second one makes me think of a lop-sided uterus...
Maybe it's because I'm English, but on the last cake, the round pooh splodge immediately screamed "Brown sauce!'*
*It's a savory sauce like ketchup, but spicier. And brown.
Mr. Baldy McParachute-Pants is quite distracted by the blue ball too, he can't even get his eyes going the same direction.
((O.M.GiggleGags!)) Sharyn really got me with "Why is my one big ball blue?" (!!) After the chuckle-choking subsided, I had to look again at ole GoogleEyes, and...yeah. He's very lucky that he's only got the one.
=^-.-^=
I didn't get a fleur de lis or even the birdie from that king cake. I thought it looked more...penile.
And why, why, why do Mr. What Up's parachute pants also include a tutu as an accessory? Maybe he's taking a break from teaching his poodle to balance on that blue ball for the circus?
Inspired by Sharyn’s comment about the “clown”
Don’t It Make My One Ball Blue (with apologies to Crystal Gayle)
I don’t know just what I’ll do,
Don’t know what’s come over you,
You’ve found someone new,
And don’t it make my one ball blue…..
I won’t be fine when you’re gone,
But I’ll just handle it all night long,
What I have to do
To not make my one ball blue.
I’ll tell no secrets, tell you no lies,
You made me do this, so don’t chastise,
Tell me you love me and don’t let me cry
Please come back and don’t say goodbye,
I don’t want you to leave my bed
‘Cause without you, love is dead
You know just what to do,
Please, don’t you make my one ball,
Don’t you make my one ball,
Don’t you make my one ball blue.
The last one was perfectly obvious to me. My dishes are my mother-in-law's old Mikasa stoneware from the 1970's. http://www.replacements.com/webquote/MIKJARDI.htm So I immediately recognized the plate underneath the bacon & eggs!
Glad I am not the only one who saw the I Love You cake and wondered where they got the Meatwad pan.
You do a great service to all of us tempted to fall off the wagon of a new diet - kills my appetite to see some of your postings - a big thank you!!!!!
Scrolling down, laughing, chuckling, guffawing, eewwwwing. Then I get to the last one.
*crickets*
What...... the....... what..... I don't......
Oh, please PLEASE let those be real ants. Please!
Y'know, I often wonder, when looking at wrecks like number 1, if they are not wrecked by some foreigner who could only find employment as a wreckerator, and who does not at all speak English, and can only rudimentarily read it. Because, if these were actually made by someone who is a product of the American school system, I weep for us.
Actually, most bakeries start selling king cakes as soon as the new year rolls around, no matter when Mardi gras is.
1- misspelled
2- misshapen
3&4- phallic
5- ................
Nice to see the Mardi Gras/king cake classes have started early this year. Do you mind if I don't attend this time?
I'm picturing the swirly things as fallopian tubes. Can I say that?
I am totally putting "What up it My birthday" on my next birthday cake. But without the giant blue ball.
As the photographer of the breakfast cake, the only light I can shed here is that the black spots were neither mold nor real ants. They were just... there.
Thanks to those of you who demystified much of the last cake.
Eggs, sprinkled with ant-shaped black pepper, with bacon and turd-colored sausage on a flowered plate. Got it.
Why is the bacon raw?
Mmmmm...raw bacon, raw icing bacon.
Nothing says, "I Love You" like a Colon obstruction with a teal and pink heart in it...
i think the flowers behind the eggs and bacon are supposed to be the plate you serve them on. i'd give them a gold star for the artwork, but still a big wtf for why is that on a cake.
OMG... that last one... WTH? it looks like there's ants on the fried eggs, and and and... oh. Oh that's one of the wreckiest Wrecks. Maybe THE Wreck.
I LOVE your daily post!! No matter my mood, this Blog has never failed to make me smile and sometimes laugh until my stomach hurts and tears are streaming down my face. I once and only ONCE opened this blog at work. The laughter just wasn't suitable for the Office, I had to leave my desk and go into the restroom to compose myself. PLEASE, never stop this Blog!!!!
Actually, the last one is the one I have the least problems with. It's two peppered eggs, e
bacon, a doughnut (I think), and some flowers. But if you thought it was early for a Mardi Gras cake, it's REALLY early for a clumsily-but-endearingly-prepared Mother's Day breakfast.
"Let's Is Snow" and Mr. Baldy & his Blue Ball are the ones that'll keep me up tonight. They indicate alien intelligences. Perhaps that's really what's going on: aliens have a sick sense of humor, and are just messing with us. *Kjhdftbvs, you'll never believe what I got them to pay for THIS time!* *NO!!!* (Alien giggling and high fiving)
I looked at the second one and immediately thought "hurricane symbol on the weather map". Didn't even actually notice much of the decorating initially. Just hurricanes...
Baldy McParachute Pants! This is my new favorite name.
Its a flowery plate with bacon and eggs with pepper and a piece of sausage
King cake??? Try Shame-rock ...
@Trasawee: Oh, wow-I remember parachute pants,from the 80's-I had some! Gray, with black zippers...awesome music then, too! =^~.~^=
Mardi Gras season is actually from Epiphany (kings searching for baby Jesus...king cake with hidden baby Jesus) until Ash Wednesday. So it is appropriate to sell a king cake now. But not THAT king cake, if that's what they want to call it. That was awful!
Mardi Gras season is actually from Epiphany (kings searching for baby Jesus...king cake with hidden baby Jesus) until Ash Wednesday. So it is appropriate to sell a king cake now. But not THAT king cake, if that's what they want to call it. That was awful!