Bunny Poo Poo Wild
April 3, 2013 All those Easter cakes last week reminded me of something:
See, when John and I were young and idealistic, we briefly had a pet angora rabbit named George.
;)
He looked almost, but not entirely, exactly unlike this.
Like most rabbits, George had the intelligence of a box of sand, but there were some people - let's call them "liars" - who assured us that rabbits could be litter box trained.
Now, maybe it's semantics, but unless "litter box trained" means "nonstop pooping while hopping," then we never quite reached that point with George.
And during the few moments when George stopped pooping, we knew with certainty and dread that he was probably peeing:
;)
Thanks, George.
On the plus side, George was an idiot, so he never took it to heart when we ran after his adorable little hopping, pooping, peeing self screaming obscenities.
;)
[poop] "What?" [poop]
It wasn't long before we found another sucker loving home to take George, who bid us adieu with a blank-eyed leg kick and a final handful of poo pellets.
I like to think George and his new owner found every happiness together, and that he never drove the sweet little lady to bunny-cide by carrot:
;)
Ouch.
Probably best not to ask what she did with the rest of his face.
Thanks to Ashby, Tiffany K., Kimberly L., Sadeye M., & Stefanie G. for the crappy hop down memory lane.
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Reader Comments (44)
I really wish I could stop laughing long enough to think of a good comment...
Your story reminded my of the beloved childhood song, "Little Bunny FuFu" (AKA Little Rabbit Fioux Fioux.) Wanting to present an homage to said song, I did an intensive internet search to find the correct lyrics. The first site I found prefaced the lyrics with the following:
"This song is considered sensitive and may contain lyrics that may be offensive to some people. Please speak to a parent or guardian for further help."
I'm not the type of person who would ever intentionalIy offend anyone in any way and, since I couldn't contact either of my parents, I will not post my original comment.
Sung to "Pinch Me" by the Barenaked Ladies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgSF350_BI0
He's the perfect pet, I hear
Somewhere far away from here
You seem fine enough, I guess
Considering your rug's a mess
There's a wet spot where you eat
But George won't get it when you shriek
Hope the new owner won't mind...
She's committed bunnycide!
Bahahaha, you should write childrens books :D Sharyn XD
Is that a crushed plush bunny jammed under the cover of no.3? I'd be peeing the words 'help me!' instead of Happy Easter.
Enjoy your mouse droppings, Class of 2012!!
Oh, but SuBee, wouldn't you feel terrible if your child started scooping up field mice and bopping them on the head? The horror, the horror!
That was the funniest story I've read for a while! Mindy1 is right - you should write children's books! They'd especially be a hit with parents. And SuBee - I snorted out my coffee with that! :-D
OK... Sorry to have to interject... I usually LOVE your site and giggle like a lunatic at the wrecks, but it's posts like these that perpetuate the stereotype that rabbits are "disposable" pets. Rabbits are actually quite intelligent, curious, mischievous, and can indeed be box-trained. As a rabbit owner, you need to learn the language of your bunny, make sure to spay/neuter him, provide a loving, safe indoor environment and make sure all dietary needs are met with fresh hay, limited good quality pellets and fresh greens.
A rabbit is a 10+ year commitment and you should always do your research before adopting a bunny into your home. They should never be gotten on an "impulse". And never!! set them "free"--they can not survive on their own in the wild. I can't tell you how many rabbits perish soon after Easter when they are callously dumped because people decide these precious creatures aren't for them.
Ahem...
I now return you to your regularly scheduled laughter. Could I get a hand stepping off my soapbox?
[Editor's note- Hi MomTo3Buns! You make great points and I appreciate how passionate you are about this. However, Jen and I are super careful about our pets. We do everything by the book, we expect a long term commitment, and we certainly don't adopt pets on an "impulse". We had George for many months and Jen worked with him daily but honestly, pooping just seemed like an afterthought to him. Is it possible that someone with more experience could have trained him to hop from one end of the house to the other when he needed to poop? Maybe but we never could. (I spent most of my time with little poop pellets embedded in my feet. Come to think of it, maybe George just hated me...)
In the end, we found him a great home with real rabbit lovers. And you know, if you think about it, this post probably helped steer more than a few people away from buying a cute little bunny for their 2 year old. So that's a win, right? Anyway, thanks for the comment and have a fantastic day. -john (the hubby of Jen)]
I think when people say bunnies can be box trained, they are referring only to the piddling part, not the pellet production. My bunny never did care where he did his business, though he wasn't as terribly dumb your bunny sounds. He lived 11 years! I credit this largely to his "girlfriend" the stuffed sock. :) He was a bunny after all!
As for that first cake, it looks like they may have gotten the flotsam on the wrong end... that's not a nose... Ew.
Not one of these cakes has a single redeeming feature. Not. One.
OMG! This has got to be the funniest so far this year. My daughter surprised me one day by bringing home a male bunny that was/is litter box trained, except for the fact that he was MALE. And we soon found out that his testosterone level got to the point where he would MARK his territory and items that he deemed were his: meaning he would run/hop/twist, and in the process spray everything - couch, table legs, walls books, us, tv stand, stereo, us, anything/everything at floor level, and us. Oh, and leave anti-matter pellets everywhere, and chew on wires until they were shredded messes and fire/shock hazards. He used his litterbox to relieve himself.
The vet said the anti-matter pellets and hop/twist spraying was marking his ownership, and the only way to resolve it was to, um, stop the production of the testosterone. Needless to say he has been a very pleasant and adorable bunny, and does use his box. No more anti-matter pellets on the furniture and all over the floors.
We had a rabbit which we got when our kids - and cats - were all very young. Maybe it was because he was raised in a house full of cats, but he was litter trained. He also rolled on the rug with the kittens when I spread catnip - but then, so did our youngest daughter. The real problem was that he couldn't stop chewing on things. My kitchen table and chairs, the corner moulding, sofa legs, and, eventually, a live electric cord.
That last bunny wasn't murdered by carrot. It was clearly shot twice in the back of the head with a small-caliber handgun, and FELL ON the carrot. So there.
We had two rabbits when I was a teenager (consecutive, not simultaneous) and I completely agree about their intelligence, or lack thereof. The second one was a large white pet store doofus that my siblings named, very originally, "Snowball". I referred to him (not-so) lovingly as "Hasenpfeffer", after the Bugs Bunny cartoon because I wanted Yosemite Sam to cook him.
On an unrelated note, did you know that bunnies growl?
...Stupid rabbit.
MomTo3Buns: I agree with you but to be fair, Jen did say she found another sucker, I mean loving home, for the bunny.
I love the bunny song "... hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!" !!
Awesome narration as always Jen.
This brings back fond memories of my pet rabbit, Stewart. Stew for short. Not kidding. NO, we didn't eat him! I already said he was a PET, for crying out loud!
lol...gotta love this....what...those aren't raisins...? We had rabbits as kids...started out with two and ended up with a large hutch-ful in the back yard..... Also, we had red, blue, and green colored live chicks, which my sisters and I thought would be red, blue and green chickens when they grew up....nah...all were white....they and the rabbits eventually bought the farm...I mean...went to a farm.... And, finally, some stores sold dead, stuffed chicks to put in Easter baskets...ahhhh...the good ol' days...
@Shayrn: spp
@SuBee: I have always thought your posts were the epitome of non-offensiveness....you continue to be a model of decorum... :-)
Yeah, I've seen more bunny failures than successes - and not in my home. Did you know that those little pellets are perfect fertilizer. It does not need to break down like other manure in order to use it directly in your garden. It may not have as much nitrogen - or something - in it.
Love the Hitchhiker's Guide reference!
And dear GOD look at the size of his egg.
Warning: Do not read cake wreck narration when there is a need to be somber.
"I wish my brother, George, was here." -- B. Bunny, impersonating Liberace in "Hyde and Hare"
#3 Containerized plush bunny on cake, check. Ten points for food safety, but -100 for child trauma. What do chili peppers dipped in salsa have to do with Easter?
#4 What exactly is a 'combo cake'? I'm guessing a combination of cake and something else; in this case, Furby.
#3: I believe a trip to the doctor is in order when there is that much blood in your urine. Perhaps the chiropractor as well; ouch! My neck hurts.
#4: Is that a ghost in the grass or did the "bunny's" face fall off?
#5: Like BADKarma, I thought that was a back view of the rabbit. I thought perhaps this was a mother rabbit, because, as we all know, Mothers have eyes in the back of their heads (and giant, pink, cotton candy tails on their behinds, I guess).
@SuBee: teehee
@Lady Anne: That is a precious picture: your rabbit, kittens and daughter all rolling on the rug!
One of my best friends adopted a bunny and named her Gweneviere (sp). Then bunny started looking strange, as a giant tooth began protruding from its mouth. My friend took bunny to the vet where she was informed that she would need to clip HIS tooth regularly! She did, but sadly he did not live much longer. Here ends the tale of Gwenard, the Snaggle tooth bunny. It still makes me giggle and feel sad at the same time.
I'm with BADKarma re: bunny on last cake. I'm *much* relieved that George took 2 to the back of his head & fell on the carrot, as that means the huge pink glop is his tail.
Otherwise, I can only conclude that this is a Georgina, having her "yearly exam", with free carrot-shock therapy. (or maybe just finished laying Easter Eggs, or a "come hither" approach to George, or ... o.k., I'll stop -- but it's STILL disturbing)
Taunt not the bunny people, for we are legion. Lessons on lagomorph care we will call down on you.
Bahaha the unfortunately familiar love story of all rabbit owners>
I had a pet rabbit once. Like your George, he was dumb as a box of rocks. But he did have one skill: he was an escape artist. No cage could hold him.
One evening I came home from work and switched on the TV, only the TV didn't come on. Black. Nothing. I pulled the table away from the wall and found out why: the cord from the TV to the outlet was chewed through. And there was an electrocuted bunny on the floor under the plug.
Do you have a cake that looks like an electrocuted bunny? My birthday is coming up.
Not meaning to cross holidays or anything, because we all know there is too much of that now, but the first
bunny, uh...cake looks like he attempted to smoke a firecracker. I know this because it is a true story from my mother's childhood.I am now in search of the lyrics for "Little Bunny FooFoo", to try and figure out who the heck can be offended by a stupid kid's song about a bunny.
Life is too short to take offense at minor $#!t, don't you agree?
Now, see, I LIKE #4. He looks nothing like a rabbit, but I think he's adorable. Except for the glop of nose in the grass. He was more cute before I saw that.
Bunny 1 looks like its been electrocuted! Cake 2 had a mouse infestation, or that bunny is very sick!
I love your posts, love your humor and don't want to take anything from the post. However I rescue rabbits so have to get a little rabbit info out there. First off I am glad you responsibly found an alternate home for George. However it sounds like George needed to be neutered. I have 6 rabbits and all except my special needs bunny use their litter boxes for pee and poo. Most rabbits will leave scents markers in their own cage, but little to none anywhere else If you think you want a rabbit, look to your local rescue groups who will spay or neuter them before you adopt. Plus they typically live in a foster home (like 5 of mine do with me) and we can tell you what your rabbits habits are like. We can also help you with behavior issues etc that you run into.
Thanks for all the laughs!
Reply to Editor's note: Oh yes, those of us who volunteer in rabbit rescue hear your type of excuses all the time. I have seen way way too many rabbits end up with us to think your excuses hold any water at all. "It's just a stupid rabbit, dumb as a box of sand/rocks." Did you seek and follow the advice of such organizations as The House Rabbit Society? Did you neuter your rabbit? Oh, I forgot. Rabbits don't deserve veterinary care.
[Editor's note- Not sure where you get that we didn't neuter him or give him vet care. We're pretty avid pet owners (the type who buy and read books ahead of time) and we genuinely tried out best. And in the end, we didn't abandon him or set him free. We found a loving home for him. Sorry you didn't like the post. -john]
You justify your ignorance by blaming the rabbit, instead of your own lack of knowledge on how to care for your critter, and claim the rabbit was unintelligent, when you didn't bother to learn his language. I have 4, all litter trained...and all altered. That is the main prerequisite to a healthy happy box trained rabbit. I am very glad you gave him away though, hopefully he went to a home that will care for him properly, and appreciate him.
[Editor's note- Sorry you were offended. -john]
Honest to Pete, Jen, there are days I'm laughing so hard I can't read your post through the tears - omg, thought I'd die...
Sorry, I agree with the rabbit lovers, this post is funny but it disturbs me.
Aleph One, rabbits should not live in cages or you cannot expect them to be anything but dumb. And since the most well-trained rabbits will chew electrical cords because they look like roots, electrical cords must be kept in tubes. Your story happened to a lot of unexperienced rabbit owners.
While I understand your attempt at humour, this blog post is a let down. I've had eight bunnies and all were successfully litterbox trained. Bunnies are smart and social companions, especially when they are spayed/neutered. It's unfortunate that you did not have a positive experience with your bunny and I hope readers aren't swayed negatively based on your experience.
To all pet owners, do your research. Bunnies can be amazing pets but not all people are right for bunny ownership.
@janet2buns and @keith:
i get that you are emotional about a topic that is very dear to you, but please cut out all that hate. you won't get people to listen by spewing anger all over the internet. others have written interesting and educational posts on that topic before you.
i have no particular input about rabbit-care as i've never owned one, but on pets in general: no matter how well you read up before you get a pet, it's always possible that you find out that that particular animal is not for you. then the most responsible thing to do is to find it a new and loving home. this is what J&J did. and i found the post funny.
Oh Poo. I smell an epcot coming. For craps sake, people, no one is going to think bunnies are disposable because of this post. Good grief.
I loved the post. Laughed from start to end, as usual. I guess I just have a similar sense of humor.
@janet2buns and @keith:
Just clarify one thing. Rabbits are rodents, right?
@everyone else: Sorry.
I could not stop laughing while reading this! SO funny! I would have to say this is the funniest post you've ever written! Not even kidding! Loved it!
Wow. That got ugly fast. I just assumed your story was a story, made up to tie these cakes together. I think anyone basing their pet decisions on a web site devoted to showcasing hilariously horribly decorated cakes should probably start out with a nice hearty philodendron and see where it goes from there. In fact, those people should probably hold off on having children until after they see how pets fare. I thought it was a funny post and nearly as traumatic as the one with the linked picture of the "real" baby cake being carved up at the baby shower. That one still gives me the creeps.