Drunken Debakery
October 4, 2013 October is Positive Attitude Month!
And today is Vodka Day!!
So let's do a little experiment: let's see if vodka makes you more positive about bad cakes.
(Because SCIENCE!)
Fortunately Jen, who has a tolerance only slightly lower than your average Mennonite squirrel, has agreed to be our test subject.
Let's begin.
Test Subject response after 2 sips of vodka:
;)
"Ug. It's so... spurty. With the spurty bits on the sides. Spurty. Spuuurty. Spurty's a funny word, don't you think?" [peering into glass] "Can I have more of that raspberry stuff in this?"
Test Subject response after half a shot:
;)
"Looks like a moldy glass of Guiness. GUINNESS GRACIOUS!! Ha! Ha! Ok." [staggering upright]
"Time to dance."
Test Subject after one full shot:
;)
"YOU HAVE ANGERED THE TIKI GODS. Now we must sing.
[singing] "Said you like piña coloNICS!! Fungus cakes in the rain! If you're not into yoGURT!" [crawling towards living room] "I'mma... I'mma go pet the cats."
Test Subject response after 2 shots:
;)
[flat on back, eyes closed] "... so I says to the guy, I says, "I know floral foam when I see it, man! I wrote a friggin' book!"
Test Subject response after 2 shots and five minutes:
;)
o_O
[sound of running feet]
[bathroom door slamming]
Conclusion: While we need more data to determine the effect of vodka on positive attitudes, we can definitively conclude that Jen's attitude toward vodka has become slightly more negative. And also that we should probably bring her a moist towelette.
Thanks to Sarah L., Alison D., Rebecca B., Stephanie, and Wesa A. for the unwelcome knowledge that placenta cakes are a thing. URP.
Reader Comments (79)
Is that a shuttlecock (you know, that badminton thingy) on the top tier of the first cake?
what in the HECK is that last one?!
OMG - it IS a shuttlecock!!!! I especially love that it is set up next to the....industrial bug zapper???
Wow - didn't think placenta for that last one... (maybe because I haven't seen any personally?) I thought it was meat with a terrible licorice maggot. :/ I could have lived with that misconception.
Holy cannoli! It looks like the wreckerators were doing a little to much celebrating on Vodka Day. As for that last cake, there are no words.
O.o
Jen, thanks for taking one for the team.
Hehehe science ;)
That floral foam cake is so bad, it killed some deer and their ghosts are still floating around above it. That last cake looks like what we southerners euphemistically refer to as "fries" (lamb fries, calf fries, etc.). Ewww.
I see the empty shot gun casings next to the second last one. That's how they "placed" the orange daisies on the cake.
Invisible deer
wish the whole cake was see-through.
And now we mush shing.
Placenta....cake? EW. Note to self: decline any and all baby shower invites forever.
OMG! Pina colonics!! LOL!! :)
@ Craig I think it may be time to dig out the unsee machine!
Sadly, someone made a terrible mistake with that second...object. It is NOT a cake, and was NOT supposed to be taken to the party/reception/wherever that is. It is actually artisan-carved GRANITE, and was supposed to placed (with appropriate reverence-giggles optional) at the site where the dearly-departed is at rest (in piece). It's a TOTALLY understandable mistake, considering how delicious and UN-STONElike the cake looks...((eye-roll)) Other than that, I want some of whatever the person who made that cake in the third photo was on/having...=^e.e^=
The best part is, 'placenta' means cake in Latin. OH THE DISGUSTING IRONY
@jenni s - Iiiiii see what you did there.
Seriously, I thought the last cake was a smashed heart with a rope sticking out of it.
It's also National Taco Day. I plan to celebrate accordingly.
The last cake is disgusting. Did they put string on the cake and cover it with raspberry sauce?
Thanks for the good laugh at this post! And a moist towelette and some antacids would be nice for Jen.
OMG is cake number 2 an urn?!? That is the worst of inappropriate cake subjects!
That mushroom cake is the most tragic - look at all that work! and the mushrooms themselves are utterly charming, in this case the parts are definitly greater than the whole.
Why is the placenta cake so shiny? why, why ,why?
I do not understand these cakes.
I have to ask the man who bakes
And ices all the sides and tops
If it's time to call the cops.
And why frost pancakes orange in the floral foam arrangement?
@MC- favorite comment of the day.
And is it just me or are there little Totoros on the mushroom cake?
Oh, and PS Jen- Cake vodka would have made this whole exercise even more perfect. You still would have gotten sloshed, but it would fit with the theme AND be extra tasty to boot!
I didn't realize it was supposed to be placenta, either. I wasn't sure what it was but was wondering if that was a noodle on top. D;
oh, poor Jen...you've blinded her with science......
I heart this post. My favorite part is the 'colonics song'. Comedy gold. Also love haiku, Joy.
Now why did I think, sitting at home with the stomach flu, that Cake Wrecks would be a relaxing way to take my mind off it?
Thank you for explaining what that last cake is, as I was totally going to ask. Urg, I think I need to visit the ladies' room after Jen is done!
You give the girl vodka and show her meat-cakes? Come to think of it, that may have been kinder than viewing them sober. As I just did. Bllleeeeuuuughhhhhh.....
I'm stone cold sober but I *NEED* some vodka to unsee that last cake! OMG!
That last cake is just offal!
Thse are not pancakes in the floral foam cake pic-those are shooting clays(with candles atop them). Not sure whether they are the real deal or a cake facsimile thereof-either way it's WTF?! While I am a hunter, and usually am amused by faux-camo cakes, that was not amusing!! It was awful!!!I pray NO ONE ever gives me a cake like that!!!
Since today is postiive attitude day and vodka day, and my attitude has sucked since ths morning, I am going to go home with Capt. Morgan tonight and see if he can change my attitude!!!!(humming "changes in attitudes, changes in latitudes...hmmm hmmm hmm hmm hmm hmmm..)
The "orange pancakes" are clay disks for skeet shooting. Goes with the whole shotgun theme.
Hey Cake Wrecks, there's something about the last photo that bothers me. I hid you from my FB page. It was over the top gross. My mind is seared. I need to go eat copious amounts of sugar to try an blur the image from my brain. As much fun as you are ... this was just too gross......Thanks.
I sort of feel like the baker of the last cake deserves some sort of twisted praise. I mean if the object of art is to evoke powerful emotion then they've accomplished that. Or is the need to vomit not an emotion? :/
http://m.flickr.com/lightbox?id=6449473497
Have you been offered a moist owlet?
I like the mushroom one. The decorator must have worked very hard on it. Some of the past and present remarks are just mean. I don't think this site was meant as the form of bullying it has become by the comments. I was once asked to enter some of my wrecks, but I know I couldn't handle the remarks and cut downs.
*gales of laughter* Oh, my sides hurt! Make it stop! Make it stop! *snort*
That last cake is terrifying. I'd need a blindfold and booze to eat that one. Also I'd have to be paid.
I think I might need to make a stop after work. Did you know they sell liquor at grocery stores in WA? hehehe
**scribbling out Milk on grocery list and adding VODKA**
Thanks CW Team for informing me of this holiday! I learn so much here!!!
@mel ~ Now I want to watch Weird Science! Thanks!!!
@Haiku Joy ~ "mush shing" hahahahahahahaha
@Craig ~ Please forward the portable unsee machine ASAP!!!
Is that last cake supposed to be a...placenta???
**Looks at cake, then looks at lunch of spaghetti and meatballs**
I think I've lost my appetitie....
I'd like to think there's some kind of story to the first cake. Maybe there were some punk teenagers working in the bakery (as they're wont to do) that day, goofing off with a badminton set when they were supposed to be piping. Then their boss left his masterpiece themed cake he was about to enter in the big Mediocre Cake Decorators contest, celebrating his two favorite hobbies, cataloging refrigerator molds and collecting puffy tshirt paints in depressing colors. Suddenly, what started as a friendly volley between friends during a slow workday turned into a heated contest between two overly-competitive youths, causing a hilarious (yet predictable) accident that they unwisely attempted to pass off as decoration. Then the cake is transported to the judging room before the baker sees the offending shuttlecock, causing confusion, hilarity, and ultimately leading to a heartwarming lesson in honesty and personal responsibly.
The End
My eyes! My eyes! That is a rather distressingly realistic placenta cake... Though I did know of someone who made theirs into pate... *throws up a little in my mouth*
I am very glad to know that I'm not the only one seeing the ghost deer. It's Friday, I'm tired...I just wasn't quite sure what I was seeing!
I actually thought the last one represented a stomped on heart trying to hang itself after a break up with the other major organs. Is that bad?
@ Caroline B- your comment was the funniest thing I've read all week.
And we thought the ultrasound cakes were bad! A placenta cake, really?! It's a joke, right? Surely no mother-to-be wants a placenta cake...at least not human ones...other species...Oh, TMI, right? Never mind...it's just a form of recycling, really...a new mom needs all the protein & energy she can get...and it's sooo handy...no hunting for prey and sure beats eating your young...at least from the baby animal's point of view, it does... ;-)
Kudos to all - too many *great* comments to praise individually! Definitely a winning day... :-)
AH! It's true! Placenta is Latin for "Cake", or "round, slab-like" OY VEY
Oh, the last cake is disgusting.
And not just 'cause of the "frosting."
I want to know why
(And is that licorice or fries?)
I'll need some more vodka for this thing.
At least they picked the least disgusting-looking side of a placenta to replicate in cake...I guess.
"Hmm, why is there a piece of pasta . . . OMG is that supposed to be a maggot on rotting meat?? EW!"
*reads "placenta cake"*
"There is not enough vodka in the world to erase this image from my brain."