HalloWEEEEE!
October 31, 2013 Tonight's the big night, people!
ARE.
YOU.
READY?!?
;)
I'll take that as a yes.
Now, the first thing you need to kick off that Halloween party later is an OFF DA HOOK historical lecture.
I'll start.
Did you know that Halloween was once known in Druidic circles as "Hallsweer?"
;)
It's true!
Ok, not so much. But you should totally make up a bunch of random factoids and see how long it takes your guests to lynch you.
Or just wish everyone a happy "Hallawen," and when questioned, insist that's how it's pronounced "in the old country."
;)
"The Ambiguously Scared Trio"
Of course we can't let the night pass without saluting you, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man:
;)
In the face of crippling chocolate eyeball shortages, you step up with something that technically still has eyes on it, AND is circular. Bravo, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man. Bra. VO.
(Srsly, the more you try to imagine the thought process that led up to this, the funnier it gets.)
And finally, to REALLY kick your party off right, just go to your local wreckery and order a cake with a "Halloween look."
I guarantee the result will be terrifying.
;)
Or at least really funny.
(I especially like how they really captured the spirit of "Hallowee" with all that orange, blue, and green.)
Thanks to Courtney M., Dawn K., Michelle L., Cortni C., & Eric F., who I hear is a real whiz when it comes to Hallowee decorations.
Reader Comments (29)
Sung to "Monster Mash"
I was walking in the Safeway late one night
When my eyes beheld an oozy sight
A wailing orange-swabbed apple with oozing eyes
When suddenly, to my surprise
The Monster asked,
"Did they spell that word right?"
The monster asked,
"Needs two Es, amIright?"
The monster asked,
"Eyeball man? He's not bright?"
The monster asked,
"Add an N, if you might?"
Aooooooo...
Happy Halloween, Everyone!
The last one (with the two tiny bits of bat-poop in the corners)? "Hallowee Look"? I'm not at all sure what they might have been shooting for, but I'd love to meet this "Gaudy" person. He/she probably gets invited to all of the good parties... =^e.e^=
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will see
These are wrecks on Hallowee
This is Hallowee, this is Hallsween
Pumpkins melt on a plastic plate
This is Hallowen, everybody count to ten
A candy coin contact is really kinda great
Your b-day cake is orange, blue and gree
It looks just like Hallowee
Halloweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Halsweeeeeeee!!!!!!!
The "gaudy" part is my favorite.
Don't you know the Hallsweer legend of The Disembodied Pumpkin Head who roamed the land searching for his lost eye? He covered his eye socket with a gold coin which glints in the light of the full moon. Every Hallowee you can hear him wail, "My eye...my eye...MY EYE!" Perhaps, boys and girls, he will come to your house looking for his missing optical orb this Hallawen. Bwah ha ha!
Ahahahaha@sharyn and suebee :D those cakes look as though they were done by a third grader :P
On the last one--is "Gaudy" a person or an instruction? Inquiring minds want to know.
Also, on Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man, I believe this is representative of the ancient tradition of placing coins on the eyes of the dead. Since there is only one coin, this indicates that the cookie creature in question is "half-dead" or "un-dead", and thus as a zombie is even more appropriate to the holiday.
The pumpkins on the third cake were smiling until they saw the spelling that made them scowl.
Thanks for the treats, Jen!
I think the fourth cake isn't Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man, but rather is the stunningly beautiful Ms. Eye-Candy...
@Sharyn and SuBee: hahahaha...nicely done!
@everyone: Happy Hallowee...! Carpe candy!
Gaudy. Snicker.
I love SuBee's song! Nightmare Before Christmas is both my favorite Halloween movie and favorite Christmas movie : )
The Hallawen one reminds me of the kids saying "Hallah!" Yes, I have teenagers.
@Sharyn ~ Once again, I bow to your greatness my friend. Glad you're back!
@mel ~ "Carpe candy!" Hahahahahahahaha
As I was reading Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man comment, I kept hearing it in the voice from the Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercials.
I went to a "cannot be named grocery store" just to see if they had any funny cakes. BOY did they but I realized that your comments are truly what make them funny. Thanks for the laughs and Happy Halloweeeeeeee!!!
Happy HalloWEEEEE, indeed!
I agree with @mel: Carpe Candy!
Be safe everyone!
That's it - next year I'm going as Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man for Hallowee! Also, the Hallawen cake was clearly ordered by Chloe Sevigny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFahJRZG2VE
I think there's a legend involving placing silver dollars on the eyes of a corpse, so maybe that's what baker #4 was thinking of. (As in "shiny silver dollar on either eye," if you're an Oingo Boingo fan.) But then they put a 5-cent piece on only one eye. So, yeah, fail.
@Sharon, SuBee & mel - :-) and <snicker, giggle>
@Julie - I had totally forgotten that! Guess that baker is smarter than the average Wreckerator after all... :-)
@ everybody - Ok, will the real Michelle L please comment? Cuz I have no memory of taking a photo of cake #3, so I'm guessing another Michelle L took the pic? Just wondering...then again, perhaps it's all those brain cells I'm losing as the momma of a teen & a tween <shudder>. Hmmm...perhaps Theardare could...no, he'd probably just be a bad influence at best or he'd teach them how to "Room 10" me - EEEEEK!
Hallowee...hahahahaha :D
sharyn and suebee bahahaha
As the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theater says: "Hallo, Ian!"
I think these bakers have a great idea. Next time I want cake, I'm going to make up my own Holiday, create a fictitious back story, as the "criminally insane" Jen has suggested, and see if it goes viral. Maybe one day soon we will all be celebrating Hallawen - the day you paint your snowman orange, decorate him with giant green leaves you have carefully saved from sunflowers, steal his carroty nose and hide it amongst the snow banks around town. Children must find the carrot and return it to the snowman in order to be saved a visit from the Cyber-Ghost of Spelling Future. Any child unlucky enough to be unable to find his snowman's nose, will have his phone blown up with annoying, misspelled texts all day. Sadly, it is unlikely anyone will know the difference.
Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man totally reminded me of the superhero skits on Whose Line Is It Anyways? I like Julie's explanation of the Jack-o-Lantern being a zombie, though I prefer to think of him as only "mostly dead." :D
I think I will be celebrating Hallsweer from now on. Mostly because I laugh every time I look at it. I mean christ, I am NOT a great speller but Hallsweer? Can't type, tears in eyes from silent hyena laughter......
I, too, have the thought about the coin for the eye- like they used to put silver coins on the eyes of the dead? no, really. ... ... yeah, I doubt the wreckerator knew that, too. durn it, I tried, wreckerator!! I TRIED.
oh, wait!!! only on one eye: that's a pirate or Nick Fury (huh?huh?? ... ... no? durn it.)
Aww, that first guy looks so sad that I want to pat him and say "there, there, I know..."
Happy Halloween!! Lol these cakes would almost make me run screaming away from baked goods but the evil wreckerators won't succeed.
Serious comment: I think the last one is supposed to have purple icing, not blue. I'm sure that it just looks blue on some monitors. It's a bluish purple on mine. /serious comment
I rather like the trio. I could just eat them up! ...now, I betcha, they're scared!
Oh My Goodness! All that business about Mr. Failing-to-grasp-the-concept-of-eyeballs man made me laugh 'til I cried. Literally! Bra-VO to YOU, your most high cakewreckiness.