Drunken DeBOTCHery
May 30, 2012 The great thing about wedding cakes these days is how they incorporate the couples' personalities. You know, the things they love and value, the things they enjoy doing together...
;)
IN CASE OF BEER EMERGENCY, TOPPLE CAKE
;)
"'Til sobriety do us part."
And who could forget this classic groom's cake?
;)
Classy with a capital K.
And hey, not only is Bud Light good for hosing off patios and cleaning spark plugs, it's also grrrrr-REAT for smashing into the cakes of people you don't like much:
;)
Take THAT, Wally.
Pro Tip: Writing "IGLOO" on the side only tells us just how far you missed the mark, bakers. Next time, try "last-minute replacement." You'll look like a STAR.
Parents, if you name your kid "Beer," I'm pretty sure no amount of Welch's sparkling grape juice is going to reverse the damage:
;)
Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to shake the hand of the person who put this display together.
Of course, I imagine any parent of a child named Beer would find a cake like this sort of inevitable:
;)
Still, not sure I'd believe 'em, Dad:
;)
Big sloppy thank you kisses to Jennifer J., Laurie, Serena M., Jen, Erin M., Lauren K., & Kati B. And hey. Hey. HEY. Guys. I like, TOTALLY love youallsomuch. Seriously. Now someone gimmie a bucket.
Reader Comments (61)
99 bottles of beer on the cake
99 bottles of beer
smash one down
frost all around
98 bottles of beer on the cake
I'm wondering if Sharyn will be doing a parody of Copacabana or one of the many Madonna song possibilities for that last one…
Surrounded by country folk, I must stifle my laughter for fear of being asked why I laugh.
So many stores around here use a K instead of C...
I did a literally LOL when I saw the last two cakes, plus the write-up. OMG. So funny!
Oh Barbie, we warned you about hanging out with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan...
Sung to Margaritaville
Frostin' a sponge cake
Smellin' the rest bake
All of the cooled ones covered with foil
Stirrin' my frosting
Day just beginning
I've got a cake here I've got to spoil
Wastin' a cake again in Wreckeratorville
Searching for some cans of cool yeasty malt
Sometimes I claim that it's the customer's blame
But you know who's really at fault
They must have some reason
To wed in deer season
I think they need some counseling for two
I hear she's a beauty
And he's quite a cutie
Why they're on the floor I haven't a clue
Wastin' a cake again in Wreckeratorville
Searching for more cans of cool yeasty malt
Sometimes I claim that it's the customer's blame
But, hey, guess it could be my fault
Use every beer top
Open the pop-top
Pipe on "Igloo" -- just one word, alone
"Beer" goes by "Alexander"
His Mom was on a bender
At least she remembered to put panties on
Wastin' a cake again in Wreckeratorville
Searching for more cans of cool yeasty malt
Sometimes I claim that it's the customer's blame
But I know it's really my fault
I'm glad to see you're keeping with the patriotic theme.
Nothing says America like a tastefully prepared homage to drunken debauchery.
Except maybe cheese. These cakes need cheese.
Sharyn, you are a genius. GENIUS. :-)
on the last cake.... why, just why?
The sad part is that some of them arewell done, but are just in poor taste. The last two made me chuckle, and Sharyn made me LOL XD
The fact that someone actually commissioned these makes me kind of sad.....
What's happening to that poor Barbie doll at the bottom?
LOVE the drunken Barbie cake--LOVE IT! (Although I notice it's in a display case...so...not a custom order??)
Notice none of the beer-celebration cakes ever feature good, quality beers? Not a coincidence.
A round of applause for Sharyn...*claps hands in a circular motion* As Ron Weasley and a dozen Guinness commercials say: BRILLIANT!
OMG Sharyn! You should be hired!
@SuBee -- The "frosting" they used to make the "Beer" mug could be Cheez Whiz... The foam could even be cream cheese. Ah, beer and cheese -- I'm homesick for Wisconsin...
...and a BEER, in a cake...
How many, while reading Sharyn's post, read the last line of the chorus as "But I know...*bum bum bum bum bummmm*? *raises hand*
Hilarious post, Jen! I literally jumped a little at the last one. From Barbie's sluttier days, I guess! (she had to pay her way through medical school, right?) LOL!
Sharyn - Well done, my dear. Well done. I am clapping my hands in a circular motion! ;-)
Bottle of Red,
Bottle of White,
Eatin' a cookie with a beer mug tonight!
I kind of like the first one - it shows a spirit of togetherness and cooperation.
@Sharyn - Most Excellent song parody!
Ya gotta love the plastic six pack rings leaning on the back of the display case that the last one is in. So much is explained by those rings. What were these wreckorators drinking, I mean thinking? For wedding cakes, seriously. Can't they say, I provide the cake, you provide the alcohol? I shudder! Now I laugh my head off.
Thanks for the song Sharyn!
Excellent as always.
I actually kinda like the second cake.
Good job, Sharyn!
Sharyn, I still want to have your babies.
And now I want there to be a theme park called Wreckeratorville.
I think someone was celebrating the creation of beer itself. But history has not recorded a precise day for it.
The drunken couple cake is pretty funny and very well done, and if it were used anyplace but the actual wedding reception it would be just great.
Anyone else notice the empty beer/soda plastic rings behind the Barbie cake?
@DB, NO! Just...no. There are some things that must not be done. Which principle has never penetrated a distressingly high percentage of bakeries, it seems.
#1 At least it doesn't have a fountain.
#3 Who could forget this? I could -- until now. Thanks loads. [Heads to lab]
#4 Maybe that's an actual Igloo top, which would be a marginal improvement in the food safety quotient.
#5 How do we know the date that beer was invented, hmmm? Maybe some people celebrate a different date -- did we ever think of that? We also wonder about the thought process that led to the creation of this display.
#6 Remember when people used to send letters? I miss those days...
#7 Barbie just saw the new Ken. You've given him enough chances -- GI Joe has fewer identity issues. At least we were spared the 'full Monty' -- or in this case, the 'full Barbie'.
1. Those beer bottles ruined the cake. They should have gone with Heineken to go with the green foliage.
2. So well done and yet still so wrong. : )
3. One used Bud Light can standing alone amongst a crowd of beer bottle caps; a perfect metaphor for marriage. Brings a tear to my eye. *sniff*
4. I thought this was a left over Christmas cake (sparkly snow on top) converted to a birthday cake until I saw the neon pink "IGLOO" on the side. Then I read the Pro Tip. Hee.
5. This is like one of those math test comparison questions, right? The birth of beer is to sparkling grape juice as a giant iced cookie is to:
a. cake
b. icing
c. CCC (patooie!)
d. None of the above
6. My mind was not processing this cake. I kept thinking the kids wanted Dad to come home because Mom was drunk, not because she was sober.
7. Was Barbie drinking watermelon shooters? Just a hunch.
@Sharyn: Along with Anna B, I'll give you two snaps in a circle (In Living Color, anyone?)
Are the bottle caps on the Bud Light groom's cake edible? Just wonderin'.
Why for the love of frosting would anyone order the "mom's off the sauce" cake? And how did they find Dad to give it to him?
These are hilarious and mind-bending all at the same time! That's a good thing!
you mean that's BARBIE?
here I am, thinking it's a Sandra Lee tribute cake -- you know, with the nasty tablescape right there next to her.
At least she's wearing panties!
RJ,
You go ahead and laugh, darlin'. You know what? Maybe we do spell things just to be cutesy and maybe we have accents. But after spending two days walking around Illinois and being cursed at just for existing, I'd take one of the warm, personable people from my tiny hometown over one of your frozen Yankee manner-less wastes any day of the week. I've never waited more than five minutes on the side of the road with a flat tire before having it changed in exchange for nothing more than the promise of my apple pie at the next church dinner. And more than once have I been a dollar short at the grocery store only to have the sweet little old checker pat my hand and tell me, "don't worry about it, dear. My, don't you look like your late Grandmother? I just adored her."
Maybe we aren't going to design the next great electronics breakthrough or cure cancer. Sadly, there are not many great teachers who are willing to live two hours away from a shopping mall. As a result, our system tends to recycle its own, meaning that, no, we don't have the most stellar education available to us. But the things my family and friends do for YOU are just as valuable as what your fancy-@ss education taught you. Many days do I long for all of the good, solid, blue-collar people to go on strike and watch the ones like you panic when you can't fill your gas tank or put that nice organic food on your table. Maybe then you'd learn some appreciation.
So you go ahead and laugh, sweetie. We're laughing right back, we just have the class to disguise it better.
I'm betting that the "Beer" cookie was for a pregnant woman who had been heard saying, "What I want for my birthday is a beer."
I think the chocolate Budlight cake is kinda cool. Cringe worthy to have at a wedding, but not as poorly done as Wally's "Igloo" cake.
I am not one to take to the sauce myself, but I have plenty of family members in the hick town I am from that would love these cakes. lol
Poor Barbie needs rehab I do believe. lol
I actually sang Sharyn's post out loud. (I'm at home - so it's ok. Right?) Wreckeratorville is unsurprisingly hard to pronounce. Maybe I should drink a few beers first and try it again. (I'm at home with the kids, so maybe that's not ok.)
Anyone notice the black & gray -- wait, is that camo? -- roses on cake #1?! Really?! And papa, mama and baby deer -- do they represent the happy couple (um, family) or what's for dinner?
Maybe I'm revealing too much, but once I stopped laughing, I bookmarked the page for the second cake. Kinda wanting one!!!!!
Barbie has one shoe off and one shoe on, but what's that hanging from the upright leg???
I love Cake Wrecks every day...but this was one of the few posts where I literally laughed out loud!
Great wreckiness!
Sharyn: You are amazing, yet again! Bravo!
That second cake is pretty cute, but...really? Eh, I suppose that we should be grateful that they weren't depicted lying in a pool of vomit...which some of those other cakes inspire. The dented beer can on the groom's cake makes me wonder if it was pulled out of garbage/recycling to use it, because you'd hope they'd be more careful with one that they planned to use that way. Then again, it's an empty beer can on a cake, so...
Sharyn, excellent song parody! I will also point out that the border on the cookie could be port wine cheese. And the writing blue cheese, of course. :-P
You know, Igloo is a brand name for coolers. I'm betting they were going for that. They still missed the mark by a mile, but it makes a perverse sort of sense...
I'm just taking time out from mugging my neighbors to send Kaytie a message:
You best calm down little girl, or you're going to give yourself a heart attack. Really, I'm worried about you, even though I, myself, have no heart. Now you go sit down and have a cool drink and do whatever it is you do down there to relax and I'll go back to dragging old ladies behind my Mercedes.
I LOVE Cake Wrecks!
I'm just wondering if any of the bakers thought to wash the bottles and cans before placing on edible cakes. Has anyone else seen the Mythbusters episode about rodent contamination of beverage containers? Eeeew!
Maybe IGLOO is the name of the baker...so proud of his(?) creation he decided to add his name. Because THAT is not an ignoo...maybe an ICKLOO, not an igloo.
As usual...cakes are awful, commentary is brilliant and Sharyn...impressive!! I have been chuckling at my desk and now can't get that song out of my head..."Wastin' a cake again in Wreckeratorville..." Love it!!
Kaytie darlin' it looks like you managed to get a big ol chip stuck up there on your shoulder.
Bless your heart!
Hey Kaytie,
Do you really want a response, 'cause I've got so much I could say about your kindness and class (yours, not that of the south.)
I'm packing up my bunker-cooler with chardonnay and brie, so I'm ready when you are.
@Patti, I think drunk Barbie might be sporting a silver purse to match her heels. Is it really sad that half of my family would be proud to show off that first wedding cake? And I'm not just talking about the men!
OMG. You have featured some really dreadful cakes but that cake with the four bottles in place of pillars has to be the worst one you have ever shown. Its the plastic deer combined with the black ribbon bows and white plastic roses that give it that certain je ne sais quois.....