Here Comes the Snide
February 23, 2012 I can appreciate couples looking for that one-of-a-kind wedding theme to really blow their guests away, but I still think I'd draw the line at "Tornado Victim Chic."
;)
Unless they're planning to have flying debris over the dance floor while the guests drink Hurricanes and play Twister.
In that case?
I am SO IN.
Blame my city slicker upbringing, but I had no idea corn could grow this way:
;)
I guess the baker got an earful about how the bride wanted her cake to POP, eh, Colonel?
And say what you will about wreckerators, but they know that the show must go on. Even when they forget their spatulas and have to decorate the cake in the back of a moving delivery van, on a slalom course, blind-folded, on fire, and using nothing more than a spork and whatever they can scrounge from the bottom of the florist's trash bin.
;)
Aaaaaand scene.
Thanks to Susie, Anony M., & Pat J., who tells me none of that actually happened, but I choose to believe it anyway so I can sleep at night.
Reader Comments (95)
*"And say what you will about wreckerators, but they know that the show must go on. Even when they forget their spatulas and have to decorate the cake in the back of a moving delivery van, on a slalom course, blind-folded, on fire, and using nothing more than a spork and whatever they can scrounge from the bottom of the florist's trash bin."*
Can't imagine anything else created that masterpiece....
Master P.O.S. <-----the wreckorator's rap name :-)
Wow. Just wow. I have no words........
I want a video of cake #2 when they go to cut it and all of the Corn Pops start falling off the cake and rolling everywhere.
OMG! The 3rd cake was done with a base icer!!! It's just supposed to help place the icing on the cake FAST so you can get it smoothed out without slopping it all over the place or using more than you need. (I'm sure at least half the people reading this already know that ... I like to play Captain Obvious, but I work in a grocery store bakery--that, thankfully or sadly, doesn't produce wrecks--and we use this to help us ice 30 cakes at a time)
The first cake would be really nice without the twigs. It's smooth and the pearl borders are lovely. If only they had piped the twigs ...
Maybe the second one is supposed to look like Croquembouche but failed.
Wow! That second one was work intensive. Would love to see the "inspiration" looks like meringue balls. Wonder if the bride thought it was beautiful and exactly what she wanted?
1st & 3rd - Just say no to real twigs/flowers on cakes. And the 3rd - it was nice of the couple to let their children decorate their cake to make them a part of the wedding.
The second cake looks like it is covered in Corn Pops cereal...a little tastier than packing peanuts, but still not something I want to taste with cake.
Somebody needs to tell whoever frosted that last cake that you're supposed to smooth the frosting with a spatula after using the big Wilton cake icer tip.
Or if you want to used the ridged side (as they did) you need to be a LOT neater than that with it.
http://www.wilton.com/store/site/product.cfm?sku=409-789
Dear Cakewrecks (That's YOU Jen): While most of the time I secretly hope my birthday cake is a wreck and I curse the bakers at the local grocery store for actually being good, I see the posts about wedding cakes and it terrifies me. One day, I will get married, and I am horrified at the idea that my wedding cake will be a wreck.
Thank you,
Shannah
The second cake to me looks like they wanted the cake to be covered in truffles, and the baker made horribly bad ones in different sizes.
I think I like the concept of the first cake... maybe it was really cute before the tornado?
The second one... This must be what going mad feels like.
That last one is beyond awful. You forgot to mention that the decorator also had two unset broken arms when she decorated.
Ok, the bird cake HAD to look better in person. To me it looks like all the groomsmen (who are really drunk, btw) ran around outside and grabbed a bunch of long weeds and thought it would be hysterical if they jammed them haphazardly into the cake. I guess I see what they were going for, but maybe they should have taken a look BEFORE they delivered the cake. Cake #2 - I can't begin to imagine what those are. I'll buy it if they are yogurt covered raisins. That's it. After that, they better be tiny candies with a surprise diamond in every ball. And #3 - Did someone say "A big basket-weave cake" with emphasis on the cake or was the emphasis on the basket-weave part?
Wow, you can actually see the knife marks in the icing on that last one.
Gives new meaning to "there was a lot of crap on that cake."
I bet for the second one she said "I want it covered in pearls!" Beware what you wish...
You know, there's something admirable about the corn cake. The time it took to make all those balls, to apply them, and the fact that a cake that size was structurally sound enough to not cave in under all that weight of the balls and tiers.
On the second one, maybe they were trying for this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/riseandshinebakery/6174627060/in/set-72157627615562369/lightbox/
That bottom cake is bad. REALLY bad. I feel guilty for even saying that! LOL
For the third cake, I can hear the conversation at the bridal shower: "Oh look! My Mom got me that beautiful cake topper I had my eye on. Thank you Mom! I love you so much!. (Bride sets down gift, then opens gift from future mother-in-law) Oh Patsy! You got me a cake topper too! (Because that is just like to you to always have to compete and one-up my mother...). Gee - maybe we can put Mom's topper on the cake, and we'll put yours off to the side (because there is now way I am putting your topper on MY wedding cake.). Really - you shouldn't have."
Please Jen, please, pleeessse contact whoever submitted the corn cob cake pic and find out the back story on that one. It is truely worth a 60 Minutes investigation. We HAVE to know the truth about what the F*** in on that thing!
Cake 1 - love the idea, little birdies hopping around in a winter forest, but don't love the execution
Cake 2- I didn't see corn. I think they were going for pearls or bubbles, not that they succeeded ...
Cake 3 - I think the baker was a no show and they had one of the flower girls make, frost and decorate it onsite
The second one looks like it's covered in bubble wrap. I wonder how many people sneaked up to give it a 'pop'.
My son thought the second cake was covered in used chewing gum!
Aw, shucks! Here in the northeast, cakeballs are a popular treat. Any flavor cake mix, baked and crumbled, then mixed with any flavor of canned frosting and shaped into balls, then dipped in chocolate and decorated. Sounds totally gross, but they can be quite delish in the right combination, and they make a pretty party tray. I think some cornball spent a LOT of time making cakeballs for this behemoth. Perhaps it was a midwest hoe-down themed wedding or Future Farmers of America shindig?
I agree with most, wth are these cakes supposed to BE?! LMAO. And did a two year old get a hold of that bird cake or did they actually make it like that?!
The third cake is completely iced using a 'sider' It a very large piping tip that is used to quickly put flat frosting on a cake instead of spreading globs. Though you are supposed to use a spatula after to make it smooth and to stick properly to the cake! Totally not really supposed to be left like that. ugly laziness....
oh. Dear. God.
I made the 2nd cake. It was white chocolate pearls and supposed to be displayed indoors. Instead it was displayed outdoors at an august wedding in 100F weather and the majority of the pearls melted. I had to repipe the pearls and redo some with material I had leftover, which is why it looks weird. I keep the picture to show brides what happens in hot weather. I can't believe one of my cakes made it to cake wrecks! Very proud moment for me lol! But it is a good cake wreck story! And now you know wtf is on the cake.
The corn cake reminds me of the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD. Really, looking at that cake makes a nice substitute for an actual visit to the Corn Palace, where yes, I have visited. :)
I did google "branch cake". That one is absolutely gorgeous!
The attempt here not so much but all in all not too bad. Unlike the third one. Less said about that one the better.
I've also never really liked corn pops. ugh.
Oh, I suspect that the corn-pops covered cake was supposed to be "Covered completely in Pearls".
And the last cake was not sporked. This is clearly the work of the "cake icer tip" manufactured by a certain home-decorating supplies company, which is only usable with an enormous pasty bag...and typically only professional decorators use pastry bags the size of dunce caps. No self-respecting professional cake decorator would use a cake icer tip to get icing on a cake, let alone use it as a decorative tool (unless they were piping a massive basketweave on a massively huge cake).
You are hilarious! I don't usually comment but I HAVE to check in each day for my therapeutic daily chuckle. That last cake is horrific. How does one even properly apologize for that? If your suggested scenario did not happen, then what the heck did? It must've been a terrible ordeal....
The second cake is covered in Mentos and instead of cutting it the bride and groom douse it in Diet Coke and then BOOM! Time to par-tay!
Ugly as it may be, the corn one really is kind of...err..dare I say? Neat?! It really looks like a (tiered version of) corn on the cob. Bet it took some time to make all those kernels. The last one is hilarious, probably what my attempt at a basket weave would be!
I think dentists everywhere will love that second cake. What on earth are those things on it? Jaw breakers?? I can't see how anyone would want to tempt fate and bite into it lol. Otherwise it looks pretty um interesting :D. As for that last cake I think the delivery van caught on fire, hit a wall, bounced and slid the cake onto the platter. I would hate to be the bride that saw that.
Kudos to you, baker of second cake, on your sense of humor, your willingness to oblige with a backstory, and your wisdom on keeping the picture to warn future brides! Reading your comment made me very happy.
I agree with Haiku Joy! Thank you baker of second cake. I also appreciate your contribution and sense of humor. :)
I can see the concept of the first cake- maybe a wedding for two winter bird watchers. The top is cute and the icing is very competent. If they'd left the twigs off it wouldn't be bad.
What's sad is that I see what I'm assuming is the inspiration for these cakes floating all over Pinterest.com. The originals are beautiful. As a bride, this makes me terrified about giving a bakery my picture of a super chic and creative cake, not knowing exactly what it's REALLY going to look like.
Kudos to the baker of the second cake for being a good sport, having a sense of humor, and being willing to sharing the backstory with us. (Not to mention being smart enough to keep a copy of the photo as a warning to brides to follow instructions!)
I love the placement of the fountain in the background - it's perfect.
The third cake was my sister's wedding cake. The icing was concrete-hard and flaky.
My sister asked her (professional) caterer for three smallish cakes, one to be used as a wedding cake. She was very excited because the caterer had a pastry chef on staff and she was familiar with other fabulous cakes that he had made for birthdays, etc. She instructed the caterer, "Do whatever you want - " (i.e. gave him carte blanche to make the cakes fabulous) Well, what the caterer wanted to do was go fishing, because it looks like he fobbed off the cakes on a recent graduate from a culinary vo-tech... (and the graduate was out the day they had the cake class.) My sister is a kind soul and pretended not to notice.
I was livid but didn't say anything to "ruin her special day." The caterer is retiring and I guess she and her staff just phoned it in that day. You should have seen what they did with the other two...
To me it looks like that first cake got caught in a wind storm and all the limbs from the tree above hit it. Call me weird, but I like it. The secound cake, well....not my style but what ever floats your boat and the third cake has its own appeal to it. I mean it is not something that I would want at my wedding, but then it ain't that bad either.
The corn is HOMINY, for those of you that don't live in the south or visit Peru. Corn comes in hundreds of varieties and can be popped to different degrees of size and crunch--but you might have to go to Peru to see most of those. Southerners use yellow or white corn for hominy, grits, popcorn, creamed corn, corncakes, corn pone, etc. This bride isn't just a farmer---definitely comes from a corn and [soy] beans type of farming operation. (they are rotated in the fields)
The corn-pops cake actually kind of freaked me out a little. {{shudder}}
I think the second cake is supposed to be a croquembouche, which is a traditional french wedding cake made of profiteroles. Usually it is in a cone shape, and rather delicious. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croquembouche
I can't explain this one though.