Flower Power
February 22, 2012 When it comes to wedding cakes, there's a right amount of flowers...
;)
[Note: this is not the right amount]
...and a WRONG amount of flowers:
;)
If you listen verrry closely, you can actually hear the cake screaming.
Bakers know a hefty blanket of fake blooms can cover a multitude of cakey sins:
;)
...including the fact that the groom forgot to pick up the cake.
[Fun fact: this was actually the mother-of-the-bride's hat.]
However, at some point the flowers and flotsam cross over from "charming camouflage" into "DEAR GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING?"
;)
When bakers play "To The Pain."
Many bakers use silk flowers to avoid the problem of brown droopy blooms on their cakes:
;)
Others use silk flowers to ensure it.
{I'm almost afraid to ask, but why do they even make roses in those colors?}
Just remember: sometimes, for some cakes, there simply aren't enough flowers in the world:
;)
In these instances, I advise a large shrubbery.
And maybe a few more of those Keystone Lights.
Thanks to Roger G., Alison V., Jen, Anony M., Stacey H., & Michelle C. for making all the two-year-old flower girls out there look extra talented today.
Reader Comments (83)
Pretty telling that there's a beer bottle on the table next to the brown-peacock-feather monstrosity, right? I mean, clearly you'd have to be drinking to let people see that.
I find the 5th photo oddly compelling. (Notice I said photo, not cake) While the "color" of the roses is gag inducing, My attention is drawn to the mini-me cake in the corner. What is that for?? Is it like a first birthday, where you get the baby version just for the birthday child to dig in? Do the bride and groom smush the little cake, thereby leaving the larger one intact for guests? Is this a new trend? I MUST KNOW!!!!
Oh. I guess I should get some coffee this morning.
And, I assume these cakes should be washed down with generous cups of ™Round-up? Either that, or the bakers were the Knights-Who-Say-Neep.
Perhaps these were made for theme weddings.
Theme 1: Lost in the Swamp
Theme 2:Jurassic Fauna
Theme 3: I'm Proud to be an American Gardener
Theme 4: Closing Time at the "Men's Club"
Theme 5:Color Blindness
Theme 6: I Can Get the Exact Same Thing at Walmart for Eighty Percent Less (My Mother in Law's personal favorite.)
I actually think the last cake would have looked better had it been covered in flowers
or a blanket.
Oh, how I love starting the day with a Princess Bride reference!! But those cakes...wow.
Ugh, I know weddings should be memorable, but NOT for having for such an ugly cake D:
The simple fact that they are drinking Keystone Light in a can at the wedding speaks volumes.
Wait. There's cake under those monstrosities?! For heaven's sake...
Oh. My.
That's all I've got.
We want... a shrubbery! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UbtcmjfKa8
What? Everone knows cakes are made with eggs, sugar, butter, flower... If you don't like it, order the flowerless chocolate cake.
Ha! To the Pain! Love it. Yes, that seems about right......
The sad thing about these posts? I work at a popular US crafting store. All of these cakes, even the ducks in the last photo, could be made with items from our store. I'm aiding and abetting cake wreckery! *facepalm*
Florists conspiring
with unbalanced cake wreckers
Result? Cakes in pain
Kudos to you for working in a Princess Bride AND Monty Python reference.
I wonder what exactly the bride was hoping for with that last one. It's rather surreal.
Eat a slice of cake.
First guest to get thorn-mouth wins,
Brings the divorce cake.
The bottle of Sam Adams in the foreground of #3 gives me an idea: "To the Pain" cake-wreckerating drinking game.
Add some flotsam, make someone else take a drink. Your flotsam falls off, take a drink. Someone else adds flotsam taller than yours (peacock feathers!), take a drink.
My favorite is the giant white lily (?) in the second picture. Stamen-and-pistils first into the frosting, it looks like it's trying to bury its face in shame among the coral roses.
"I can't keep up this charade. Don't look at me. Just . . . just go."
That fifth one looks like it belongs in one of those display cases that hasn't been touched or dusted in a decade. Or it belongs to Miss Havisham.
I always love TPB references, even painful ones like this!
Princess Bride and Monty Python in one day! You made my morning!
Princess Bride reference. Love.
Honestly the one with the silk flowers I would not consider a wreck. And in my experience I provided the silk flowers to my baker for the wedding, which could have been the case here. The flowers may have been picked in those colors to go with the wedding. I've never disagreed with a wreck before, and while that cake is no Sunday Sweet, I don't think it's a wreck.
To the pain?? They should skip right to the eyes part......these are painful to look at!!! 'My God....what is that thing'?
"The Princess Bride" AND Monty Python... FTW!!!!!
... Which is more than I can say for those cakes...
Aside from the topper (if you insist on having one), if it's not edible, it should NOT be on the cake.
Period.
Ugh.
Love your movie references, though! :-)
Ugh, the chocolate one made me gag.
I think I can tell which florist did each :D
Feathers? On CAKE? WHY???? *gag*
Not that I'd want a slice of cake #1 either. XP
You know... those dreary-colored roses could have been somebody's attempt at an autumn-color themed cake. Would have been pulled off a lot better if they'd used more deep reds and burnt oranges with mebbe just a hint of the dreary orange and brown and... whatever that pukish green color's supposed to be.
"There's a shortage of perfect cakes in this world. 'Twould be a shame to ruin.....Oh (*gags*) Ummm. Never mind."
This is why you don't buy a bargain wedding cake. You get what you pay for, so expect to pay more than Costco prices for a decent wedding cake.
With wedding cakes this seriously adrift from the reality of "cakehood", it is no wonder the divorce rate it so high. Instead of worrying about gay marriage, we should be worrying about cake decorators -- and the people who choose rubber ducks for a wedding cake theme.
The bride and groom ducky toppers are so cute they almost make up for the cake they're topping. Almost.
As today is my mother's birthday,and she loves flowers, I should send her cake... oh... maybe not.
My head already hurts from the weather, and you send me this pain... Only saves are the laughter from MP and PB. Oh, man, it hurts too good.
In regards to the fourth cake down:
Me: Oh my gawd, where's the cake?!
Roommate: I think it's that turd in the middle.
Yes. Yes it is.
There is usually a strong botanical component to special occasions. I get kind of a 'gardening' vibe from these as well: chipper, compost heap, fertilizer...
#1 This is why you don't have the reception in the conservatory.
#2 Screaming? I hear it saying, "Feed me!"
#3 I want to admire the sweet simplicity, but those darn daisies get in the way.
#4 That's not a cake, it's the 'winner' of the 'most over-the-top centerpiece' contest. Right?
#5 Speaking of games, let's play 'meta-message mash-up!' Everyone can have a blast trying to reconcile the funereal appearance with the occasion at hand. I think the satellite is the top tier. In the normal universe, the happy couple would take that, wrap it carefully and freeze it, thus to enjoy it on the first anniversary. In this case, it is to be wrapped and buried under the oak tree at midnight.
#6 Ni!
@ Delphine -- yeah, I was in one of those stores last night and I always wondered why the cake decorating aisle was sandwiched between the fake flowers/flower arrangement supplies and the bridal laces, tiaras, etc. aisles. Nice.
The baker must have been playing Jumanji</I> when they made cake #1.
Part of me is in a panic (I'm newly engaged and will be soon meeting with the caterer to discuss The Cake), and part of me is saying that "hey, if it's bad, you'll finally have a submission to Cake Wrecks!".
I do know that the wedding cakes on the website for our local kosher bakery range from "eh, it's kinda OK" to "ooo, let's send that and that and that and that in!".
I think I'm going to need to review all your wedding cake posts for Lessons in What Not To Do. As opposed to my caterers request for designs I like !
#1: Thank you for the added note! I was a little worried all these wrecks had finally warped your mind!
#2: Put those candles a liiiitle bit closer and maybe the whole thing will burst into flames.
#3: *snort* If only Fun Facts were more, uh, factual.
#4: Listen to Coco Chanel: always remove an accessory before going out. Or, like, 50.
#5: Night of the Living Dead - Flowers!
#6: Nothing says love like rubber....duckies.
This demonstrates why celibacy before marriage is a good idea. If you get a wreck like this you really won't care! Just cut the thing, serve it and get to the honeymoon.
I'm guessing the last one was supposed to be pink camouflage? 'Cause I cannot imagine what they were going for, otherwise.
Jen, you had me scared with the first comment and picture. I kept looking at the picture thinking "THAT'S the right amount of flowers?! This must be some new, disturbing trend involving fuzzy green things that look like caterpillars climbing the cake, not flowers."
But then I saw your note and all was right with my world.
I....I mean....ducks....silk flowers....(shudder)...no redeeming value in any of those cakes...need aspirin....{urp}
My confession: I have also aided and abetted. There I said it.
I once made a small wedding cake for an aquaintance and she specifically requested the topper be made of BROWN silk flowers to complement her brown and green theme. I have to say that they were surprisingly difficult to find.
I feel better now.
Whoa. I do, however, love the ducks as the cake topper on the last one. When you're not having a terribly serious wedding, those are a cute addition!
so i guess i'm pretty strange, cuz when we got married, i made sure i liked the taste of the cake first and foremost, because i wanted to actually EAT it. i guess these people weren't really going for a food product, cuz who in their right mind would ever put FEATHERS on a cake?? yuck.
and then, if a couple chose me to make their cake, and they chose two plastic "rubber duckies" for the toppers, i would assume i was NOT the best baker. why not opt for an obscene amount of black food coloring to top it off? (doesn't blobs of black and pink with fabric rose buds jammed into the edges scream - "Love for a Lifetime"?)
thanks for all the laughs! who knew the bakery was the comedy club of the grocery store!
In the last picture with that pink/black ducky monstrosity, the groom appears to have a can of Keystone in front of him. If that's what's available at the bar, I'm sure they thought the cake was perfect. There is no accounting for taste, you know.
Peacock feathers-slash-random crafts store close-out trinkets. On brown icing. Dear God, I can still it when I close my eyes.
At least the one wedding served Sam Adams, that can slightly make up for the...cake? Hat? UCO? (unidentified cake object)
To the pain, indeed.