Seeing Double
December 3, 2012 Sometimes, when ordering a cake, you have to play Pictionary with your baker. Except instead of just telling them what to draw, you show them a picture. And instead of actually drawing anything, they make a cake. So really it's nothing like Pictionary. WORK WITH ME HERE I'M NOT SO GOOD AT ANALOGIES.
For example, Kelly and Paul wanted a cake of Winnie-the-Pooh, so they brought in this:
;)
And got...this:
;)
Say, is that a squished spider on your face, or does your baker really think bears have whiskers?
I mean, it's like a Goldfish Cracker donned a Groucho Marx disguise, and then sprouted nubby little arms and legs, right? It's EXACTLY LIKE THAT, right?
Ahem.
Amanda S. works for the Cirque du Soleil show Varekai, and for the show's tenth anniversary they wanted a cake that looks like the show's circus tent exterior:
;)
But instead, they got something like HR Giger would design if he designed Moon Boots:
;)
Really ugly, non-functional Moon Boots. That can kill you. With their pointy, pointy spiny things. Yeah. Like that.
And finally, Brittany M. didn't actually order this next cake, so I had John whip up a handy graphical approximation of what we *think* the baker was aiming for:
;)
This is some kind of sports thing, right? Or maybe a zoo decal?
(I AM ALSO NOT SO GOOD WITH SPORTS.)
Well, whatever it is, I think it's safe to say that the baker took license with that logo in the same way a crazy artistic type person takes license with something traditional that we all love and don't want messed with. Which is to say a LOT.
Oh! I know! Like that one awful version of Jingle Bells! (No, not that one - THAT one.) Yeah. Like THAT.
So, yeah. it's bad.
[whistling]
Hm?
OH, I'm sorry. Did you want to see the cake now?
Ok.
;)
Meee-YOWCH!
Poor lil' kitty. I bet the LSU folks are as mad right now as cats when I try to clip their claws.
The cats' claws, I mean, not the LSU people's. Hopefully they don't even HAVE claws.
The LSU people, I mean, not the oh never mind.
Reader Comments (72)
I just heard that awful version of Jingle Bells yesterday and asked my husband what the heck they were thinking because it sounded so stupid. Wow...totally spot on with those cakes. /sarcasm
I don't normally say this, for the last cake it works-DEAR GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING???
That LSU cake is hysterical!! oh my gosh, I'm laughing so much!! I wish we could find out for sure how high the bakers are when they make these creations. Because a lot of these could definitely be on a "this is your brain on drugs" tv commercial!! LOL
The saddest part is that somewhere therewas a (supposed) human being who looked at thhe picture and the cake and went,
"Yep! Spot on!"
I just noticed that the LSU one actually says "ers" on it.
Someone, in some passive-aggressive way, KNEW just how bad this cake was.
Nothing says, "victory!" like road kill...
That poor LSU tiger. Also the 'circus tent' looks like a possessed Jiffy Pop popcorn package.
Sung to "Winnie the Pooh"
Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh
Boy, you look so funny since that spider bit you
He's Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh
Pretty sure he's somewhere in there.
Circus tents rule! Yellow and blue!
But you got a pointy blob that's gonna kill you.
Cirque du Soleil got Cake du So Lame
It gave them all a pretty bad scare.
Hey LSU! How do you do?
Tigger is a tiger and your mascot is, too.
But the Wreckerator made a tiger -- of DOOM
Should the leg be laying down there?
Please tell me that whoever ordered these cakes did NOT pay for them!
As I sing the Pooh song every day, (brava, Sharon) I think it needs the verse:
A goldfish with nubbies is his friend, and maces of silver too!
There's a liger with eyeballs who stares at you,
Aren't you glad Jen didn't say "Christmas Shoes?"
Sad. That tiger represents a new low, even for wrecks.
ain't the last cake showing what happens when LSU Tigers meet the U of F Gators? CHOMP.
I have many questions about that tiger thing. However, I will focus on these two: why does it only have three legs, and why is one of them apparently flying through the air?
And on a more general note: I totally agree with meshybee. Who in their right mind looks at this stuff and goes: 'Yup. That oughta do it!' ?
Is it me, or does that first cake look more like Heathcliff? (The comic strip cat, I mean.)
Maybe the LSU cake was a cake requested by someone from a rival school? I think they just recently lost to their biggest rival (according to my husband, because I know avid sports fans who can't keep up with college football...so forget me trying to follow it, too!). So the cake could be inspired by the other team destroying their opponents??? Perhaps this is having too much faith in the baker? Because that is one absolutely dreadful tiger, mauled or not.
And for Winnie the Pooh, I was totally thinking Teddy Graham, not Goldfish, but I now totally see Goldfish. :)
Ya know, when I read cake wrecks posts, there's usually a couple cakes that have elements that work. Ya know, just something that makes it semi-close to okay. Today is a record - all three cakes have no redeeming value. Well done!
It would be interesting to know if they were paid for- me, I'd give them graphics, OK, and not ones they could possibly, in any realm of imagination, misunderstand. But I would not give them money. Any bakery that asks for anything more than a deposit up front would have me walking straight out the door....
@Jen -- awesome post and the wrecks were really awful. Well done!
@ Sharyn - "Cake du So Lame" --- GREAT line!
So... I have to ask... What DOES a dismembered Mogwai crapping a football have to do with LSU?
First cake- cat
Second cake-We found 'Balloon Boy'!!
Third cake-I.....don't want to know.....yikes.......
OK, so maybe I'm the only one, but I think that supposed-to-be-winnie-the-pooh is totally cute! It's not at all accurate (for goodness' sake, it's not even the right color), but I still kind of want it. If it wasn't a cake, I'd want to hug it (even with his spider-like nose).
I like this for it's own sake. However, I must say, if I ordered Winnie the Pooh and got that, I'd be pretty unhappy.
That tent cake menaces with spikes of metal. All decoratorship is of the lowest quality.
That tiger looks like he was killed in a particularly violent game of dodgeball.....poor kitty...
of course it's a sports thing. That's why the tiger is pooping footballs.
Jen, you crack me up! Thanks for the daily dose of laughs!
I so glad to know (I think) that the second wreck was supposed to be a red and white striped circus tent and not just a bad representation of the Papal tiara.
Does the baker of the Winnie the Pooh cake know that you can buy a Pooh shaped pan? It even has a picture of how to decorate the cake on it.
I should have more faith in humankind.
After reading this blog for a long time, I honestly thought I'd seen ALL the worst possible cakes. It's hard to surprise me after some of the fetus-themed, poo-covered cakes that have been on this site. (Er, that's a compliment.)
But that LSU cake . . . so freaking hilarious that it instantly restored my faith that YES! A cake CAN be more horrible than I imagined.
I have a spring in my step, a smile on my face, and I cheerfully whistle as I work today. Thank you, CW, for reminding me that there are no limitations to the human imagination. Or something. http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/hilariously-bad-lion-taxidermy
If you're bored and have some spare cash on hand, try this:
Take a picture to your local bakery and order a cake decorated to look like it. When you get your (presumably wrecked) cake, find another illustration that resembles what the cake actually looks like, take it to another bakery, and repeat. Do this a few more times until you have sufficient snark bait and enough cake to last you the rest of the month. See if you can get a dinosaur to turn into a spaceship.
When I look at the sad LSU cake, I can BARELY see "Geaux" to the left of the dismembered leg, and "Tigers" to the right. Wreckerator should *totally* have made those words out of a different colored icing. I would NOT have paid for any of those. It's just ridiculous to think someone stepped back, looked at their work and then at the submitted inspiration picture and was HAPPY!!!
I can just imagine the Monty Python sketch about the Pooh cake.
Customer: "I'd like to register a complaint."
Wreckerator: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "You see, I ordered this Winnie-the-Pooh cake, and I got this... this... thing.
Wreckerator: "Yes, two peas in a pod. Exact match, yes."
Customer: "No, they aren't".
Wreckerator: "Yes, they are."
Customer: "No, they aren't. See, this cake is orange-brown. Winnie the Pooh is yellow."
Wreckerator: "It's just a darker shade of Yellow. It will fade by the time you serve it."
Customer: "No it won't! And it has whiskers!"
Wreckerator: "It matches your picture exactly! It also has whiskers!" [hurriedly draws whiskers on Pooh picture.]
Customer: "You just drew that!"
Wreckerator: "No, I didn't"
Customer: "Yes, you did. Look, this is outrageous. This cake isn't a bear. This cake fails in all bearish criteria. It is entirely un-bear-like. It is not an ursin, it does not belong to any member of the ursidae family. It does not sing "Live for the bare necessities". It does not hibernate nor raise cubs. This cake is a non-bear!"
Wow. Just Wow.
OMG, I swear I thought that silver cake was a Sleestak from Land of the Lost!
That first cake sure looks like Poo to me...
The middle one looks like Jiffy Pop.
My 2-year-old says that first cake is "Cat Pooh!" I think he's spot on.
Its totally an alien helmet cake!!
I don't know which is worse: the unintentional mauling of the LSU tiger or the intentional dismemberment of the UGA bulldog from the other day. At least the bulldog, though incredibly disturbing, showed a since of artistry in a sick and twisted sort of way. The tiger is just twisted--literally--and not in a good way.
Creepy First Date Beerbelly Tomcat, Freeform Mononostril Steampunk Lizard Head, LSU Leopard Gecko Nightmare. Truth in advertising, Cake Wreckorators! Cheers!
Wow. I thought the Circus tent was a shark gone wrong. Not even close. As for those poor LSU Tigers .... so very, very sad.
Erin, a cake version of the Telegraph game? I like it. :)
Jen, I totally relate to cat claw clipping troubles. I have to resort to kitty burrito with a blanket and only have the paw I'm working on unconfined, and she's still a pain about it. My previous cat would yell so much about claw trims I worried that the neighbors would think I was torturing him.
All together now,
LSU tiger got run over by a reindeer, reindeer...
Sharyn lolol
Skeptic, hysterical XD
I asked my kids what the Circus Tent was supposed to be.
All three of them, avid Whovians, immediately said, "Dalek!" in unison.
I about peed myself laughing.
There are no words for how hideous those are. Some people just need to step back away from the icing bag, and retake the Wilton 101 class.
@Skeptic
Your Monty Python-esque skit is funny! And the "darker shade of yellow" bit reminds me of the ever classic, "It will ride up with wear," from <I>Are You Being Served</I>. Love eet!
Once I could say I love everything LSU! But no more, sadly, due to this wreck. The "decorators" should be taken to Death Valley and kicked through the uprights. After the band marches on them. To complete their punishment, turn them over to the real tiger, Mike. He would enjoy a snack!
Just like one of the comments above, my first thought was Sleestak!
Hahahha that tiger is so bad, how could somone look at the crazy thing and think that it would be okay to sell. I love Cakewrecks, thanx!!!
Just double-checking:
Somebody actually charged money to make those "cakes," or tried to?
I mean, if a six-year-old made them, I'd say, OK, fine, good job, but ...
No.