Jingle Bell Shocks
December 24, 2012 Stockings around the Christmas tree
;)
Look so bad that your jaw drops.
Once he got a good look at them
;)
Santa Claus went into shock.
Who comes up with these Christmas cakes?
;)
Have the bakers lost their minds?
Did they drink too much spiced eggnog?
;)
Or are they legally blind?
You will see a glut of flotsam pieces as you neeear
;)
Cakes that just won't make you jolly
Hey, d'you think that might be holly?
;)
Shocking amounts of frosting, these
;)
Might send you right 'round the bend
Will you hold out for better cakes
;)
Or just buy these in the end?
BONUS CAROL OF THE SILVER BELLS:
;)
[sing it with me, now!]
Diiiing doooong,
Diiing...
;)
Dong.
A choir of thanks to Maryann M., Janet G., Kadmi, Megan K., Katherine D., Jackson L., Ann M., Jenna C., Ashley S., & Grainne, who all want to go Christmas caroling with Sharyn. Me, too, guys. ME, TOO.
Reader Comments (51)
I don't think I've ever seen a gingerbread man leer before this. shudder.
And, erm, those bells.....
Bwahahaha I needed that laugh-friggen hysterical. I do think the bakers are blind, what else could it be?
*Spit take at the end*
I'm pretty sure that one cake is a picture of Bethlehem after a hurricane went through it. I don't know what gets into people!
Ding dong... diiiiiiing... DONG.
Cake Number Three has......Cat Food???
Actually my dad IS a legally blind baker and his cakes are much prettier, so something else is wrong here...
Ok what exactly is going on with that gingerbread man CCC abomination? That goo.... above the pube-like sprinkles.... wha.... on second thought...horf... I don't think I want to know. In fact I think I'm afraid of cake now.
I don't know what that gingerman snowflake's "tail" is and I don't want to know!!!
Hey, me and the Daughter are up for caroling w/Sharyn anytime! We have the silly hats (santa, antlers, *and* snowflake!), who's bringing the wassail? :-) Might have to bring the Son (my son) too...
Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa to all! Texas is nice & balmy with just enough chill for a fire at night...but no snow, much to the disappointment of my little Ninjas. ;-(
cake #6; Green troll hair with dandruff.
Gaaaaack!
Katrina kent good for him-if that is indeed the case, then something is SERIOUSLY wrong with the bakers here
The silver bells are the kind on old hotel registration desks -- "Ding! Front!"
@sparkling74 - BWAAHAHAHAHA!
@Katrina Kent - I'd love to see his cakes! Can you send one to Sunday Sweets?!
PS The Daughter was *seriously* grossed out by the "Dong" gingerbread man & she wasn't too happy about the Silver Bells, either. Do you suppose it has anything to do with that puberty thing she's going through right now?! Anything with even a "whiff" of something sexual totally grosses her out. I can't kiss my hubby or hug him or anything without her saying "Eeewww! Separate now, you two!" Geesh... ;-) (I must confess that I am being extra affectionate to Mr. KarateLady just to drive her crazy...) (And yes, I just had to type Mr. KarateLady - just once (or twice ;-))
Just what I wanted for Christmas!!!
Seven digit glove
Frozen puppy love
Santa's face drooping
Cupcake man pooping
Christmas town jumble
Drunken elves tumble
Icing to shock you
Spelling to rock you
Silver "belles" chilly
and a cookie-man willy!
Thanks, CakeWrecks team, I love your stuff!
Loralee, you rock....
This is the best Cake Wrecks post in a while. Awesome. And sad. Sad that these cakes are in bakeries. For sale.
Going caroling with Sharyn would definitely be one of the highlights of the year! Merry Christmas, everyone! Thanks for making this year hilarious in so many ways!
Cake Wrecks: where gingerbread men are proud and stand tall. (I wonder what he was reaching for when he broke his arm....)
Okay, number 5 looks like those photos of WWII European cities that have been bombed.
The silver bells made me LOL for real. And now I have my holiday cake design for next year.
Though the Santas impaled on grass and covered with ball bearings is also pretty appealing . . .
Santa looks like he's had way too much to drink on cake #6. Either that or the reindeer missed grandma and got him instead.
Wow. That CCC gingerbread man would frighten Tim Burton. Ick.
And cake no. 5 with the flotsam: That's Bethlehem after the tsunami.
As for the last gingerbread man: I used to volunteer for the domestic violence hotline here. One of the coordinators had a poster on her door with a photo of a gingerbread man cookie. The poster said:
"The perfect man. He's cute. He's sweet. And if he pisses you off, you can bite off his head."
That last cookie gives this poster a whole new meaning.
I am allergic to holly. As a child, it was always a family joke that I had a cold on Christmas until an insightful doctor caught on that I was allergic to the decorations. After seeing cake #6, now I know why.
"Silver boobs, silver boobs..."
And that's gotta be Santa's workshop after Sandy came thru!
#3 what is that on that cake? Cat food... i swear that is cat food! and the other looks like a mudslide cake!
The first cake is a stocking? Really?
I was thinking: ice skating rink with red and green lanes, and the low white building across the top is the concession stand.
I know, I know, it's best not to overthink some of these . . . uh . . . cakes.
I do hope that gingerbread man is on his way to a bachlorette party.... otherwise my head just wants to blow up. I was rather content in knowing gingerbread men up until this point were dong-less. SIGH
Silver boobs, silver boobs
Silver boobs, silver boobs.
It's wrecky time for this Christmas!
Round and jiggly,
Kinda nipply,
Metallic boobies on a cake!
*shudder* The gingerbread man in the poopy diaper peed a little bit, too. :(
That fifth one is a Christmas barricade in honor of the release of Les Mis!!
And Lambchop/MC Hammer makes another celebrity appearance!
What? Yet another dreidel with a chet instead of a heh? They tried, though. The left leg of the heh is supposed to be shorter than the right leg. They got that right. But it's also supposed to be standing freely, bottom level with the right leg, and not touching the crossbeam.
Jews of the world, the Hebrew aleph-bet has 22 letters! 22! No more and no less. Heh is the 5th one, Chet is the 8th. They are distinct!
Or are you trying to say something entirely different about the miracle in your dreidels? Let's see. It's supposed to be נס גדול היה שם. A great miracle happened there. You're trying to say.... I know! נס גדול חניה שם! A great miracle parking there!
That actually makes sense (though not very grammatically) given the state of parking in, say, Tel-Aviv.
Cake #6 looks like "Honey I Shrunk the Kids"; except this time it was Santa(s).
I shoulda known what was coming with that last picture since I was singing along, but it still caught me by surprise. Well played CW, well played.
Merry Christmas Eve to you!
I also think that #3 has cat food on it... and based on the liquid around the buttons, I think the cat vomited it up.... :(
at first i thought hotel call bells,, nothing to do with christmas. then i thouhjt NIPPLES, still noyhing to do with christmas. thanks for making non dialysis days better.
I was singing along in my head reading this one. Mission accomplished. :) Awful cakes, great post (as always!). I just, I mean, wow. What's wrong with these bakers?!?! Merry Christmas Cake Wrecks team!
#1 At least it's just bad, and not *bad* (nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more!)
#2 Hardly seems fair to trash this one. Okay, maybe 'trash' is an unfortunate choice of words.
#3 I was so focused on the cat food that I missed the... What the Fern??? I don't *even* want to know what that is or why it is there. Food Safety Alert! Take us to DEFCON 1! DOC, it's time to roll! Bring hazmat gear.
#4 MC Lambchop is now officially a 'thing'. And there was much rejoicing.
#5 The makers of the 'Gingerbread Village' deco pack erred greatly when they failed to include assembly instructions.
#6 Hmm. Not sure 'aquatic theme' and 'Christmas' have a *lot* to do with each other. Please tell me something besides more frosting is under the 'seaweed'.
#7 "I made way too much red frosting, and I've only got one more cake to decorate. [Snap!] I know...!"
#8 My knowledge of Hebrew is not anywhere near what it needs to be, so I'll let my knowledge of English spelling and punctuation carry the day. Oy.
#9 I'll just bet that 'Silver Bells' is what the wreckerator originally had in mind. But silver spray paint can work wonders.
#10 "Oops, I ran those lower two buttons together!" [Nudge-wink] At least that explains the wide grin...
running a little late today...so...holiday greetings to the CW team and all the Wreckies...and to all a good night....
That gingerbread man leering looks creepy.
Another Jen, I was going to question the cat food thing, too! (Did you notice the glistening wet spot in the center? Maybe it's frosted with wet cat food... Eewwwwww.)
The silver bells cake? Yeppers. My six year old daughter was standing behind me as I was viewing the various "cakes". All of a sudden, she said, "Those are boobs." I knew which cake she was viewing. It looks like a cake Madonna would have made for her holiday party.
Eeeek is all I can say to that gingerbread man and his lack of pants lol. Man can't wait to see what the wreckerators do on Christmas. I almost think in that one cake there were two dead Santa clowns hiding in the holly or whatever that was lol. Sheesh.
"Cake" #4 is clearly The Igloo that Jason Built.
I saw dead Santa clowns too!! Glad I'm not the only one!! LOL
Oh, KarateLady, I love you in a non-stalky kind of way!!
@Loralee freakin' awesome
Tsunami Santa is just SAD. Ugh.
@TLC I laughed so hard tears leaked down my leg (true story).
@seretha ((hugs)) hope your dialysis days go better.
@Craig I will now be singing "brave, brave Sir Robin- when danger reared it's ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled" ALL.DAY.LONG. (And I read this on Christmas!)
To the CakeWrecks team: thanks for all the happiness and silliness this year! Lots of love from a VERY hot New Zealand.
@Barbara Anne - Thank you! (I'm not sure what I did to deserve such love, but I'm glad it's non-stalky! :-) Remember, Don't Panic & keep your towel handy @ all times...who knows when that Intergalactic Bypass Construction is going to start?!
@Craig - love your lists as always! (In a non-stalky way, of course)
Hey, you finally posted my pervy gingerbread man! Unfortunately, it wasn't at a bachelorette/hen party, just coffee at small cafe near my house. I think whoever they get to make their gingerbread men was hitting the holiday Baileys a bit too hard...
#5 is obviously a Banda Aceh (Boxing Day, 2004) earthquake/tsunami commemorative cake.
Right beneath the "pieces of flotsam" bit, I honestly can't tell what that is or whether it was on purpose. Was it supposed to look like a gingerbread house after a tornado ripped through it? Because that's what I'm getting out of it.