Tuesday
Nov202012
Shoo, Horns!
November 20, 2012 Are you tired of buying a special dessert every Thanksgiving, only to have your friends and family snarf it all down before you get a piece?
Then this year, why not buy:
The Cornucrapia
Leftovers Guranteed!™
That's right, your local bakers have twisted the traditional "Horn of Plenty" into something MUCH less appetizing! Just choose from any of these exciting designs!
;)
The Black Hole
;)
The Stinky Slinky
;)
The Mud Slide
;)
The Twirly Turd
;)
The Purge
;)
The Litter of Runts
And that relentless best seller:
;)
The Miserable Vomitous Mass
(or Humperdink, for short.)
Find yours at a local wreckery today!
Thanks to Kelly G., Sarah, Joanna C., Roni F., Jesse, Maureen S., and Dan W. for horning in on our Thanksgiving parade.
Reader Comments (69)
Well, you can't say we weren't warned about poop tornadoes.
Love the "Princess Bride" reference!
Wow, these are just scary. I think some wreckerators need to be thankful that they still have a job after putting these on the store shelves.
Princess Bride! Can't get much better than that! LOL
Humperdinck, Humperdink, Humpeeeeeerdiiiiink!
Thanks for the early morning poo fest
The Princess Bride references ALWAYS make me smile.
Which is needed after looking at those cakes!
In the spirit of the season, I want to offer my thanks (sincere!) for giving me a guaranteed laugh every day. Cake Wrecks rocks!
Inconceivable!
Dear God! What is that thing?
Definately "too the Pain"
I cannot believe the laziness on the runts cake. C'mon - it's not even a cone!
I shudder to think what someone ate to come out with The Twirly Turd. **blech**
I think that first cake needs a little less frosting, a little more Preparation H. Oy.
I think that last cake just sucked one life out of me. I need Miracle Max! LOL
All that icing... Yum!!! Cake is just a conduit for icing after all. Right?
Humperdink also reminded me of Shai Hulud...or maybe I've just read Dune one too many times.
Hey, Dune-inspired cakes. Now there's a thought.
Okay, I tittered at the plastic fruit on the "Stinky Slinky"... And the guffawed - quite loudly - at the "Humperdink"... My co-workers are already convinced I'm a bit -ahem- tetched... This did nothing to sway their conviction. Thanks! Aheh.
I cannot believe that any decent baker would think these appetizing, much less worth your money O_o what is wrong with people?
I... I feel ill... [And I'm thinking of saving the picture of "The Purge" to show my D&D players what a shoggoth looks like!)
I was going to eschew the poo today....but a quicky..
What are those things...the Cornucrapia...
These designs are all over the map-ia...
Looking at this can really sap-ia...
My head hurts...I need a nap-ia...
@Sharyn: good job! And the title...it was a shoe-in...
Have these wreckinators ever even SEEN a cornucopia? Or read a Thanksgiving picture book?
The "Humperdink" actually made me nauseous... We have to re-watch "Princess Bride" - it's been too long & I know I missed some of the jokes. Sharyn - I'm really glad you're part of the writing team :-)
It's just so not okay. so not okay. >*
When I see these "Message Cookie" stickers, all I can think is...
The is a cookie with a message in, and the message is "beware". This is not a cookie for eating, this is a cookie for lying down and avoiding.
I could certainly envision some of these opening up the sluices at both ends...
"The Purge" kind of looks like a multi-eyed brown scorpion--now THAT'S an appealing holiday dessert!
Mmm..nothing quite like a slice of RuntLoaf....
That first one is actually a cookie!! Even worse!
Ok I'm sorry I looked at these so soon after lunch ... but my question is this - how much icing can you put on a cookie cake anyway? Did you see the Mud Slide? Is that really six inches of brown frosting piled on a cookie?
The second is disturbingly realistic.
That last one reminded me of the 1990 movie Tremors.
No, not "too the Pain", most assuredly "POO the Pain" ;)
Runts? When did I eat Runts?
"The Black Hole" looks like the unholy offspring of a king cake and a bar of Ex-Lax.
"The Purge" looks like something I battled in an MMORPG once.
I'm with you on Humperdink--reminds me of a Dune worm, too!
Have you burnt your spiral cut ham and cried so hard you've dripped big green boogers all over it? Don't worry! Slap some Runts on that baby, call it a Cornucopia and your Nearly Homemade centerpiece is finished! Also, if you just have some tapers and corn nuts....
Please tell The Purge to stop looking at me with its many partially digested orange eyes.
I do not think this holiday means what you think it means wreckorators.
The Purge reminded me of the multi-eyed creature from Labyrinth, one of my all time fave movies!
Runts? ... or Grunts!?!
Lost iron marbles?
Thankful metal detectors!
Black Friday special.
"Stinky Slinky" ftw! Lol! But srsly, what is UP with the Litter of Runts?! It looks like a hay bale!
Is that... rice? And grapes? On a cake?
Maybe they're trying for the native angle. In which case they still messed it up, since it should probably be wild rice and cranberries.
I don't know. I just don't.
The Runts cake was inspiring. I am, as I type this, stuffing my cornucopia with real bananas, oranges, limes, eggplants (those are eggplants, right?) and hearts. Getting those hearts wasn't easy, but it was so worth it. This will be the best centerpiece ever!
Wow. I didn't think a cake could look as unappetizing as these (particularly the Humperdink). Even with the organ/diseased feet/suggestive balloon cakes, I could look beyond the immediate gross factor and see cake. With these, not so much. And what is it with the cookie-cake? I can understand a piped-on "Happy Birthday" and maybe even a decorative icing border, but WHY would anyone WANT a cookie covered with so much GAK-Factor? Inconceivable!
Gotta love the Cornucrapia...the only thing these were missing were the actual kernels of corn! Hungry anyone? ACK!
I just sent the following to a friend on G-Chat:
I'm about to send you a link.
Swallow anything you currently have in your mouth.
(link to post)
:::blerg::: Ugh...that last one....:::blerg:::
Would the one with the Runts also be called a Logucopia? Or would that be Cornulogia?
At least the leaves were pretty...
I'm afraid to ask what the "purge" cake is...uh....purging? The least scary thing I can come up with is fruitcake.
Boss: I need 10 cakes with a "cornucopia" on them.
Wreckerator: A what?
Boss: You know, a horn of plenty...looks kinda like a curly ram's horn with fruits and veggies coming out of it.
Wreckerator: Oh! Sure. I can do that.
Boss: (looking at poo tornadoes) O.M.G. why did I think this was a good idea? Oh well. No time to make new ones, so we gotta put them out anyway.
@SuBee ~ Two days in a row you made me snort. Hats of to you!!!
@Sharyn ~ Awesome job!
@mel ~ Thank you... no... seriously... thank you!
My God, how can anyone eat ANY of these? Bleah!
We Nebraskans are used to tornado warnings and strange things dropping out of the sky and flying through the air. However, I have never seen anything that remotely resembles that last thing with the vomit tornado of doom on it. WTF?
Thanks to those who pointed that that the first "creation" was a cookie. I was so entranced by the flying saucer with braided pony tail spewing multicolor alien ribbons and ornaments that I didn't pay any attention to the label.
As for the rest: it should be a felony to do that to chocolate frosting.