Let's Talk Turkey
November 16, 2012 Tur-key (noun)
1. A large game bird native to North America, having a bald head and (in the males) a red wattle.
2. Something that is extremely or completely unsuccessful.
Congratulations.
It's a turkey.
I have to admit I get a pleasant buzz of nostalgia this time of year, though, when all the same turkey wrecks show up again at our nation's bakeries. They're kind of like relatives: consistent, dependable, and unavoidable no matter how hard you try to convince them to take the holidays off and just take a trip to the Bahamas for once. GEEZ.
Ahem.
And look, the gang's all here! I'm sure you all remember Electrified Turkey:
And Roadkill Turkey:
;)
The squiggly tire tracks are a nice touch.
Then there's the NBC Peacock Turkey:
;)
The Flaming Football Turkey:
;)
And a personal favorite, the "Please-don't-kill-me-I'm-just-a-wee-little-bird-stuck-in-the-side-of-a-taco" Turkey:
Silly old bird.
But just like these cakes themselves, we can always depend on bakers to prove that if there's one thing more disturbing than a turkey cake...
It's a cooked turkey cake.
(MY EYES!)
Thanks to Julie P., Jenniffer P., Angelica W., Ashley K., Annie L., Andrew B., & Allison M., who I just realized all have names that start with either A or J. IT'S A PRE-THANKSGIVING MIRACLE!
;){kind=link}
Reader Comments (39)
Wreck #3 looks like a baked potato stuffed with bacon and cheese that exploded : )
Nice touch with the winnie the pooh reference ; )
It's to the point now where the ONLY reason I walk into a big chain store bakery is to LAUGH at the cakes!
Again, I have to wonder: who steps back, looks at these and thinks: 'Nailed it!'?
Cooked turkey cake is wrong on so many levels. I do not have the words.
Sung to “Thank You for Being a Friend”
I’m glad to see you, my friend
You were gone but you’re back again
Given a choice, you’re the cookie bird that I want
High voltage got you again
You were run over with Michelins
With any luck, you’ll be eaten by Willard Scott
And if I throw a party
You know I’d have to include you
There you’d be, on flaming balls for all to see
And the taco bird would say
“I’d rather you ate my friends.”
“Thank you for eating my friends
‘specially that roast at the end
Don’t want to see him again.”
Poo wings!
Ok, the first few wrecks were sad but funny and at least you could tell they had some turkey qualities, you didn't look at them and think "what a nice frog" or anything ... but that last one? That cooked turkey uh... one of the most disgusting wrecks I've ever seen here.
Well, we can't say you didn't warn us. Although calling these "Turkey cakes" might be a bit of a stretch. Oh wait, that second definition! These are turkeys all right! I'm guessing there are still more turkeys to come! And more witty sarcasm to come! Add Cake Wrecks to my list of things to be thankful for!
"Take THAT, nature, with your natural shapes, and your natural colors, and your sickening lack of spikes and crappy silly string. HA. Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"
Yeah, in my head, I totally heard that in a French accent and pictured the French knights atop the castle parapets throwing pumpkins and turkeys at those silly English kaniggits...
Bahahahaha, who would BUY those things :D Sharyn, you have struck gold :D
The Flaming Football Cake is riding a caterpillar.
HAHAHA, I heard "silly old bird" read in my head by christopher robin!
Turkeys, turkeys,
These are so fowl,
I feel a grumbling
In my bowel....
Their feathers -- a pile of frosting goo,
And most look like they're made of poo....
Oh me, oh my, wattle I do...?
I guess I'll get a pumpkin cake,
They can't be so hard to make....
* * * *
PS -- I think that last cake is really the Tanning Mom's husband....
At first glance, the peacock turkey's sign read "eat beep". I wondered where the roadrunner reference came from, but a careful re-read revealed the correct message. LOL.
That last cake, ewwww!! :(
Anxiously awaiting the phallic turkey cakes!!!! :P
The last one?
Tell me it's not cake...tell me it's not cake...tell me it's not cake...
I think I may need therapy.
In reference to the last cake, Dear God, what is that thing? Eww.
Wreckerators just never do run out of new and... Interesting... variations on the theme of "Turdkey", do they?
This begs repeating.
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
Their bodies are made of poo they say
And they might look a bit phallic we pray
And we'll all just sigh,
As they all go marching down into the the bin
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
Dan B
Last time I tried to post this I think the browser went to lunch with half the text....weird.
Thank you for posting again, Isolder74 - I'd hate to have missed that. Can't you see all those terrible cakes marching two by two, similar wrecks from all across the country flooding in?
Perhaps it could end 'And we'll all give thanks when the turkey cakes march away!'
1. Someone just scared the poop outta ol' Tom. Too much iron in his diet, it seems.
2. I think someone should give this poor guy a hand...ba-dum-bump.
3. I totally thought you had put a censor bar over the turkey's eyes to protect his identity.
4. Somebody stabbed Peacock Tom in the neck with his own sign. That's cold.
5. The caterpillar hoists the Flaming Football throne to display the Emperor Turkey's New Clothes.
6. The annual Colored Kisses March Over the Muddy Tire, as watched by the Abominable Mud Monster crying his tears of blood.
7. I think I would rather eat the clear-gelatin-peek-a-boo-fetus cake than THAT THING. So unappetizing.
The "cooked turkey" cake looks like a mash up of cat puke and diarrhea formed into a turkey-like shape. I would know, my cats have made variations of that cake over the years, although not as "well formed"! LOLOL!
The last one has a penis leg!
#3 looks like one of the turkeys dropped from WKRP's helicopter.
Okay. Is it me, or with cake 6 with the taco, does the head look like a Furby? Or Yoda?
Expanded foam caulk poo turkey roast ... never have I felt so much kinship with both vegans and diabetics at the same time. EWWWwww.
I was so dismayed when i went into that grocery and all the turd birds were missing! so so wanted to tempt fate by taking a photo..... but that last one you have on .... it makes up for the ones I missed today and is even more hideous!
That last one looks cooked *and* pre-digested. I have to agree with Nicole S. My cats have done similar ones.
My nine year old son just said (of the"wing" on the last wreck), "Um, that looks like a bent poop." True words son, true words.
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" (We're showing our age, Jenni.)
Laid a leather egg,
but how to keep it toasty?
Black Friday fire sale!
To be honest, I think the last one looks like a large brown snail.... O.o
I'm just a wee little bird stuck in the side of a taco! I lol'd so hard!
Oh man these cakes have nearly made me not want to have anything to do with a turkey again. Lol but luckily for me I have the anti poo turkey remedy. Just wave my fingers at the screen and move my mouse quickly and they disappear! Ahh no more horrors for me..until tomorrow.
These get increasingly awful, but I don't really think the first two are wrecks. The decorators obviously aren't great artists, but you can tell what the designs are portraying, and they're kind of cute.
Regarding the brown protrusions on the last one ... well, they say it's the last thing that happens before you die.
@Gisela I love you in a non-stalky kind of way.
@Andrea you made me giggle/snort TWICE!
I'll leave you with a warning: killing turkeys causes winter!
Those are really 'fowl'.
[Rummages around in a hidden corner of the Epcot Shelter]
That door is here somewhere... Got it!
Down the stairs. No mad slasher on the loose, so the light works fine.
Down the hall, past a door from which comes the sound of purring...
Here it is. Fingerprint scan, retina scan, two individually coded key cards later, I'm in.
The Unsee Machine. Learned my lesson from the time I left it on and couldn't find it for a week. (ba-Dup!) Thanks to the latest mod, I just have to enter the number(s) of the offending cake(s): 1,2,3,7
**Cake 1237 Not Found**
Buglist item: Keypad needs a comma. [Sigh]
Walked into the store with my 9 year old today after showing her this post:
"Mom, did you see that...it's one of those turkey cakes that really doesn't look like a turkey!"
yeah, Craig's back and in fine form!!
the first one looks like a cheese party tray with a ball sack in the middle...........