Er Mah Gourd!
November 15, 2012 Eek! I forgot to mention yesterday what is possibly the most popular indicator of Fall - you know, the one you see in every coffee shop, restaurant, and bakery across the nation.
Yep, I'm talking about that ubiquitous Fall flavor:
;)
...Poop brûlée
Kidding, kidding. We all know the actual flavor of Fall is pumpkin:
;)
...with poop on top.
;)
Or on the side!
;)
Or just washed down the edges.
;)
Or whatever is happening here.
And when bakers aren't grossing us out with log-a-riffic "stem" action on their pumpkin cakes, they're busy gleefully spitting in the eye of Mother Nature:
;)
I can just imagine them dramatically twirling their mustachios now:
"Take THAT, nature, with your natural shapes, and your natural colors, and your sickening lack of spikes and crappy silly string. HA. Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"
;)
"Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."
Now, you might be questioning whether that is actually supposed to be a pumpkin.
First of all, NEVER QUESTION THE JEN.
Lest she speak of herself in the third person.
And second of all, of COURSE it's a pumpkin.
Can't you see that it's orange? And green? And brown?
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE PUMPKIN EATERS?
;)
Ah.
Well, don't you worry; the turkey cakes are coming.
Thanks to Carol W., Rheanne K., Dawn R., Brady, Julie P., Holley R., Jessica S., & Lisa S. for the excuse to type the following: Ermahgourd! Permpkins!
Reader Comments (67)
People pumkin eaters.... oh geez. A lovely start to my day, thanks much! *sincerity*
I imagined the "Target Lady" by Kristen Wiig on SNL saying this:
Ermahgourd! Permpkins!
So, basically you just wanted to do some Calabashing, right?
I think that last one is actually a Purkey.
Now, I'm going off into a nice quiet corner and suck my thumb and try not to think about Purkeys.
Sung to “If You’re Happy and You Know It”
If it’s crappy and it shows it, it’s a wreck
Who would buy a poopy cookie? What the heck?
If there’s excrement atop it
Or beside is where they plopped it
And they really ought to stop it
It’s a wreck
If it’s flowing down the edges, it’s a wreck
If some poo slinkies emerge from piled dreck
If it’s half an orangy polyp
Or a sphincter done with dollops
Or a turkey you would wallop
It’s a wreck.
SERM SERNGS WRERT THERMSERLVERS
Spaghatta nadles
on gourds: evidence of the
noodle incident.
Singing
Turkey cakes are a-comin', there's dancin' tonight
"Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."
Now picture water spewing all over my computer monitor....
Completely unrelated to this post: My 2 year old just asked for her daily dose of Cake Wrecks. "Want happy birfday cakes and babies wridin' cawwots." Thank you for making this possible. <3
Oh, oh Sharyn.
<I>(Oh, oh oh. Oh Shaaaryn)</I>
/cough. Sorry. That just happens sometimes, I can't stop myself. Anyways.
The post put a smile on my face. Your song, though? I won't say that's the icing on the cake because daaang</I> is that cliche too puntastic for words on this sight, but.
Well.
It's the icing on the cake.
I cackle-snorted after reading sphincter. Then once again after looking at the picture thinking "ohmigosh that does look like a sphincter." My co-workers already had their doubts about my sanity. Doubts are now gone. :)
Also, sphincter and poop. Of course one can't be mentioned without the other!
These are all perfect candidates for punkin chunkin!!! I wanna see em fly.
*is running off into the distance yelling at the top of her lungs "The turkeys are coming! The turkeys are coming!"*
*really, really wishes she had a horse*
*and also really wishes that she had thought to devise some clever warning system, like, oh, lanterns or something, just to make this all a little bit easier*
Ooops, that should've been "the turkey CAKES are coming" - much, much more worrisome!
Bwaaahahahahahahaaa...
<looks again>
Bwaahahahahahahaaaaaa...
<wipes eyes>
Any post containing the word "sphincter" should be labelled as NSFW--I almost had a seizure trying to hold in laughter that would have be REALLY embarrassing here in the office.
Hip hip hooray!
It's Fecal Cake Day!
We've got the scoop
On all the poop
That bakers send our way!
Poop brulee...a delicious flavor...
One your guest will really savor,
The mouth-feel is quite a hit,
Smooth, yet chunky -- just a bit.
And pumpkins, pumpkins, a la poop...
Do you want another scoop?
Maybe put it "on the side"
Or drizzled down -- watch it slide!
Or maybe "free-form"...,avant-garde
We can do it -- it isn't hard.
Want a sphincter on your cake?
There is nothing we won't bake!
We do it, friends,
It's all for you.
We love to bake
And decorate with poo!
We're not ashamed,
I have to say,
Because we love
Fecal Cake Day!
@Sharyn -- two thumbs up for the song today!!! EXCELLENT
@Jen -- you, of course, (as always) are terrific
Major lolololing here-this site gives me the best giggles of the day XD Sharyn and Haiku joy, how do you do it day after day XD XD XD
"the turkey cakes are coming."
YAY!!! I love turkey cake-wrecks!!
If I ever have a Punk band, they will be called The Pumpkin Sphincters, and you and John will have lifetime backstage passes.
Excellent post today, had me laughing like I haven't in a while x
The sphincter comment made my day. :)
Please tell me, Sharyn, that the last line was an impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. Because that would make you even more awesome than we already knew you were.
And a much better impression of the Swedish Chef than that turkey cake is of a turkey. It's like they had one of those stick on bunny faces (only a turkey, obviously), and put it in the middle of some random half-finished rainbow cake.
@Haiku Joy: Are you sure that's not the work of Hamster Huey?
It's official, we desperately need to take chocolate frosting away from cake decorators nothing good ever comes from using it.
What I don't understand is why so many bakers have such a big problem making a pumpkin cake I mean all you have to do is bake the cake in two bundt pans then stack cupcakes in the middle for a stem and frost. What is so hard about it?
Today did not start out well (even after finally watching, last night, the Firefly 10th Anniversary Browncoats Unite special), but coming here has made everything all right again. Thanks, everyone!
PS: Oh and that 'turkey' looks more like one of those aliens from Sesame Street then a turkey to me.
But...those......
<Blink>
Mmmm'kay...I got nothin'.
the turkey cakes are coming.
More ominous words were never said.
A happy young toddler named Kate
Anxiously awaited her cake,
This is the first,
But surely not worst,
Safeway pays mom to bake.
Those cakes are Gourd Awful!
Flush those squash!
It's time to bake the poompkin pies!
@Muria ~ Now I have the Swedish Chef dancing around in my head and I really wanna say "Bork Bork Bork"! However, THAT would be totally inappropriate for work. Thanks for that!
@Sharyn~ Another song in my head that just might get me in trouble at work today :-) Awesome!
@mel~ Thanks for helping me test my gag reflex. :-/
Thanks Jen and John (thoJ) and all the rest for all you do!
We have 6 birthdays in the next 4 weeks. Thanks to CW, I really hope nobody wants chocolate cake this year! But if we end up with a wrecky cake I know where to send the picture!!! :-)
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
Their bodies are made of poo they say
Ad they might look a phallic we pray
As they all go marching down into the the bin
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
The Turkey cakes are Marching in Hurray Hurray!
Dan B
Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts! Wait what? Sorry, that's for Groundhog's Day, not pumpkins! My bad. Not as bad as these bakers though!
@Andrea - Yay! 10th Anniversary Special! I finally got to see it last night too, wasn't it fabulous!?
The Sphincter Pumpkin seems to be part violin.
@Isolder74: Funny you should mention bundt cake when November 15th is National Bundt Cake Day! (I only just found out myself.)
Count me as another one who had to stifle a laugh for sphincter on a pumpkin.
(apologies to Jacques Prévert)
The fecal leaves circle my cookie
The fecal leaves of red and brown
I see the plops from out the toilet
The things that I norm'lly flush down
Since you baked away, the days seem long
And soon I'll hear, "That is so wrong!"
But I still must serve it all, my baker
When autumn leaves start to fall
Since you baked away, the days seem long
And soon I'll hear, "That is so wrong!"
But I still must serve it all, my baker
When autumn leaves start to fall
But I still must serve it all, my baker...
(spoken) Eh, I'll just take that part off.
(sung)When autumn leaves start to fall...
Contestant number 5 is clearly a pile of poo vomitting lettuce. Duh.
Sharyn, I think I love you. Between this post and your song, I may never stop laughing. As hard as I try to discourage my nephew (10) from bathroom humor, I may have to show him this post :)
Cake #5 looks like someone's half-hearted attempt to camouflage a bathroom stop on a camping trip... "I'll just arrange a few leaves here, there... Perfect. Now no one can tell!'
Fifth cake down. Green bacon?
@kdot... I love how your toddler is already wiser than the wreckerators! Clearly, a very smart kid with great taste in blogs :)
Calvin & Hobbes references in the comments= Awesome. :D
You had me at sphincter.
What is possibly even worse about the sphincter cake (other that there's a sphincter on it) is that there is a slit right below it that reminds me of a part of female anatomy. Now you can't unsee it, right?
"Calvin & Hobbes references in the comments= Awesome. :D"
Not to mention the Ally Brosh reference!! :)
@Bubbe: Yes! I just wished it was longer!
Here I sit, eating a lovely piece of the pumpkin pie I brought home from work, trying not to hurl it back up. One really shouldn't eat when viewing these things (or reading the other comments, for that matter).
I am gobsmacked. Yes, that is a word.