Fall's Fails
November 14, 2012 Fall is officially upon us here in Florida, as evidenced by the fact that it's a blustery 78 degrees outside tonight. (Don't worry; I've already broken out the scarves, sweaters, furry boots, and electric blanket, just to be safe.)
The other way you can tell it's Fall, though - besides all the Floridians in snowsuits - is the fall-tastical offerings in our nation's bakeries:
;)
It's a...um...leaf.
I think.
;)
Theoretically I KNOW this isn't a Can-Can dancer lifting her skirts, but darned if I can see anything else.
;)
Because nothing says, "MMAAAUUUURGGHHH!!!" like a Hay Beast with peek-a-boo breasticles.
(HAY-O!)
Well, except maybe the Bell-Bottomed Scare Bear of Perpetual Perplexity:
;)
He's Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Stayin' Alive.
Oooh, and if your birthday happens to fall during Fall, then you also have these fun options:
;)
Thanks to this cake and John's alarmingly comprehensive knowledge of slang words, I now know that "nut" is also a verb.
I don't recommend looking it up.
With all due respect to yesterday's cake, this is a way better fire department theme:
;)
My deer, you are on FIRE tonight!
Also, I think I'd have that lump checked out. Just sayin'.
And finally, this bakery helpfully reminds us that Fall is "Harevet Time"
;)
So get those bunnies in for their yearly check-ups ASAP, hear?
Thanks to Kiki, Nancy M., Addie H., Sarah T., Bevin, Tanya S., & Shelley for the nice trips.
Reader Comments (79)
I think that first one is a pound of bacon.
Thank you - was having a crap morning and the peek-a-boo breasticles made me laugh out loud!
That Harevet Time cake appears to be from a different baker than the 'bakery that shall not be named'! Perhaps the safe way to go would be for the unnamed bakery to get in touch with the Harevet Time baker about where they get their no logo labels.
Also, I snorted and almost chocked on my gum about the happy birthday cake. I'm so glad you are so innocent and John isn't. Your learning new slang words makes my 5-year-old maturity giggle uncontrollably. <3
Does the label on the last one say "1.5 layer"? What did they do with the other .5 layer? Or, did the cake just not rise enough to be a full layer? Maybe they ran out of batter?
I'm going with tomatoes and white asparagus for cake #2.
Sung to “Call Me Maybe”
We’ll say it fell from a tree
Can-can girl’s all I can see
Hay monster’s staring at me
Watch the breasticles sway
Scare Bear’s fashion’s in a rut
You made me go look up “nut”
It’s time for roasted deer butt
Bugs gets a shot today
Hey, I’m just guessing
I could be crazy
But looking at these
Fall’s here, maybe?
It’s hard to look straight
At them, baby
But if you asked me
Fall’s here, maybe.
I’m going to HAVE to use the phrase “Peek-a-boo breasticles” at least once today in conversation. MMAAAUUUURGGHHH!
I'm going with corn stalk sheaves for the second one, and pumpkins...but it honestly looks more like yellow asparagus tied in a bundle and tomatoes....which could be tasty but I doubt it rises to the level of a CAKE to honor it.
On the Harevet cake, I'm just wondering how you get 1.5 layers of cake?
Love you every day ! Not in a scary way. . . really.
I believe the first one is a Leaf On The Wind. Watch it soar!
Oui, c'est une danseuse.
Qu'est-ce un peu bonbon elle est.
Comment délicieux!
I am with Jenn T. That first one looks like bacon. Moldy bacon actually with all that green around it.
And that Can-Can Dancer: Are those little green sperms crawling towards her?
W...T..F.. O_o
I for one salute John's knowledge!
So, I'm guessing one should be careful how one spells a Wreck made for Hallowe'en.
Right: "Boo Cake"
Wrong: "Buk334T#@@QRNO CARRIER
I think the Can Can Dancer is a corn stalk in a pumpkin patch.
For anyone who doesn't want to bother wandering over to urbandictionary.com, I did it for you: "nut" is apparently synonymous with "ejaculate."
1. Steak au tartare covered with cheese and served on a bed of lettuce
2. Hands in a field of tomatoes praying for a nuclear mushroom cloud
3. Jabba the Hut's country brother Bubba the Hay
4. Birthday cake for someone who you want to have nightmares until their next birthday
5. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww
6. Happy birthday Robert - here's to a year of deer in creepy bacon fields
7. Herpes time?
That bump in the sky on the "deer on fire" cake... that's no moon, that's a space station!
oh lord, I am crying laughing ... what were these decorators thinking? no, sorry, they weren't thinking at all.
ScaperMama, love that movie!
The second one is obviously hands raised in prayer over the bounty the Good Lord has provided us. :) (That's what I saw, didn't see the can can dancer...sorry)
Asparagus in bondage straddling pumpkins. Or perhaps tomatoes.
Tied up white asparagus with really red.... somethings, uh, squashed in.... ug
Where did I leave the eye bleach??
I originally read the "Nut over you" cake as "Not over you" and thought "OMG CREEPY STALKER CAKE!"
Today's post reminded me why it's dangerous to read Cake Wrecks while eating. I lost count of the times I nearly choked on my tuna salad while reading this. Thanks for the laughs, Jen, as always. :)
Why are those large, white worms swarming through the Apocalyptic Dawn reflected in the waters of that algae infested puddle?
The scariest thing about these cakes is that they had the audacity to put a price tag on them. For $11.99 I'd demand a scarecrow, a fence...and that pesky other .5 layer they are apparently charging for, but not including. I'd also want the green "Harevet Time" removed as my mind immediately conjures up a gangrenous (is that a word) bunny rabbit. Ugh!
Just sayin'.
I think the Can-can dancer is a muzzle-end view of a cornucopia that isn't as full as it should be, with a bunch of tomatoes spilling out around a bundle of wax beans.
The list of 'Things You Can't Unsee' lengthens.
I'm sure it is white asparagus rising out of tomatoes on that second cake. But WHY?
My daughter and I just took our daily CakeWrecks time out.
Anyway we were laughing our way through till we reached the Bell Bottomed Scare Bear when we both let out a scream and could't go on for a good minute of laughter.
Thank you for bringing my family closer together.
That third one is Cousin It's sister, Itta. She lives in the country.
The first one looks like a stegasaurus on fire, or covered in bacon.
1. Wrig'ling death spasms
Without air, there is no life
Balloon Animals
2. Green inch worms engaging in synchronized pooping.
3. Peek-a-boo breasticles! Heehee!
4. Wait, what? Is that trying to be something? I mean, is there an actual Hippie Disco Bear out there that this CCC (patooie!) is trying to resemble?
5. @Wendy: Thanks for that. I was sort of afraid to know what that meant. Also, I don't think that wreckerator has ever seen nuts.
6. I literally lol-ed with that one. Just, no. "Wasn't your hump on the other side?" Heehee.
7. Oooooh, I wish my vet sent me cake reminders for appointments!
#2 looks like Dumb Donald in camo for a turkey hunt with Fat Albert and the gang.
Adding a brief but sincere prayer to our Lady of Perpetual Perplexity for safe and happy HoleDays.
Oops I meant #3.
"Theoretically I KNOW this isn't a Can-Can dancer lifting her skirts, but darned if I can see anything else." Line Of The Day!!!!! I nearly choked on my bread when I read it!!!
Anyone else see the 2nd cake as white asparagus in a field of tomatoes? No? Must just be me.
I thought the first one was a skunk with custom striping.
If the second one wasn't supposed to be a corn stalk and pumpkins, maybe it's supposed to be a shock of wheat with pumpkins. Or else that is some seriously overgrown white asparagus.
But "breasticles" . . . Oh my . . . . Can't wait to use that one! There's palace for that term in an online dating profile!
Okay, after I had my laugh about the "Happy Birthday" cake (and cleaned the lunch nachos off my computer screen), I had to wonder...
Were they actually asking for a nut to be placed over the letter "u"? There is no letter "u" in Happy Birthday... Was it supposed to say "Not Over You"??? Yeah, I'd accept a birthday cake from a stalker ex...
I think that the "Can-Can dancer" one looks like french fries and tomatoes. Harvest time for fast food, maybe?
I'm sorry, I must disagree about the last one.
It CLEARLY reads, "Harevet Lime."
It all becomes clear now, doesn't it?
It is now my goal to see "breasticles" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Pure awesome.
I am sooo looking forward to the "turkey" "cakes" this year!
Haiku Joy, I'm so impressed with the french poetry!
And yes, I too see gargantuan white asparagus with pumpkin minions surrounding it, the produce department is doomed!
So what is the Can Can girl actually supposed to be? And is it just me, or does the weird fringe thing around Scare Bear's face make him look sort of Ewok-ish?
@ScaperMama- thanks for making me cry. *sniff*
The 4th one almost looks like Sweetums. Disco Sweetums?
I see a deer in a tall field of crispy bason for cake #6. Kind of makes me hungry for venison.
I'm wondering if the happy birthday Robert cake is a Bambi take-off. The forest is on fire and thereby we know that "man is in the forest."
Those designs really do take the cake.
Jen, you should know that as soon as you say "I don't recommend looking it up," I have no choice but to do it.
Oh, my innocence...
ha ha. just kidding. i never had that.
Bubba the Hay for the win! And I think the second cake was made by Georgia O'keefe's stepsister Keefy O'George, who was going for something vaguely sexy and ended up with some kind of gruesome veggie-porn.
All I can think of, every time I look at the second cake, is "Urotsukidoji". Is that wrong? (blinkblink)...
Patti, I think there's a stair-step look to that 1.5 layer cake. They cut half the top layer off.