A "Dreme" Come True
April 29, 2010 "Welcome back to round one of the National Wreck Bowl, folks. Our reigning champion, Pat Wüfflehausen, has filled his pastry bags and is ready to attempt a new world record.
"Greg, this is obviously a huge challenge for Wüffelshausen. What do you think he's feeling right now?
"Well, he ate the same lunch we did, Pete, so probably nauseous and constipated."
"Hey, I did warn you about those samosas, buddy. Aaaand here we go! Our champ is now in position. Looks like he's assessing the area...he's preparing to pipe...and...
"A-HA! Would you look at that? Right out of the gate, he has destroyed the first word!"
"Tell me, Greg, how many points would you say that misspelling is worth?""Oh, I have no idea."
"But if you had to take a shot in the dark?"
"Well, I'd probably spill it."
"No, no, I mean...Uh, tell you what, let's just move on to round two."
"YES!! Wüfflehausen just manages to knock out the second word! That was quite a close call, turning the 'I' into an 'E', don't you think, Greg?"
"Only when absolutely necessary, Pete."
"Haha, sounds good. Well, folks, this is it: the final round. And, uh-oh! Look what just got plunked down on the playing field!
"Greg, it's going to be pretty tough for Wüfflehausen to misspell "achieve" with that star stamp right next to him. Do you think he can pull it off?"Well, sure! It's just a tiny plastic pick - probably doesn't weigh a thing."
"No, no, sorry, that was my fault there, Greg. I mean, do you think he can do it?"
"Do what?"
"Right, let's get back to the action! The crowd is hushed with anticipation, and you can almost feel the tension in the air, can't you, Greg?"
"Abso-lutely not!"
"And here we go...and, oh! Oh! It looks like he could...go...all..the...way!
"YES!! Do you believe in miracles?!?""Well, there was that time my mother-in-law fell down the stairs..."
"And that's a new World Record! To those of you at home, thanks for tuning in, and good night!"
Annie, I think I'd call this the "Hale Mary" of Wreckerating.
- Related Wreckage: The Teacher Tearjerker
Reader Comments (135)
I don't really have a sweet tooth so I don't like cake that much but the reason I've read your blog every single day for about two years now is simply how funny it is. This post just takes the ceke!
I could never dreme of or imagene such an acheivement!!
http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
Good Lord, I spewed coffee all over my computer screen. I think some even came out of my nose. A new world record indeed!
-Natalie
Ok Jen, you out did yourself today. That might be one of the funniest posts you have ever done! And as a teacher and a mother of two, I just have to add, "Sigh." Congratulations dude - that was truly a trifecta of terrible.
Kathy
OH too funny! You have to imagine the narration in the voices of the two sportscasters from the "classic sports network" on SNL - it's perfect!
If there was an online blog comment version of the slow-clap, I'd be typing it right now.
Simply... awesome.
Years ago, a group of us ordered a cake for a coworker's birthday. I usually made the cakes myself, but I was out of town that week (phoned the order in from some hotel room somewhere)
I thought it was bad that when I went to pick up the cake the next morning, they'd managed to get it frosted , but no decorations.
so there I stood at 7:30 in the morning in the bakery of the grocery store in a suit and heels, piping buttercream trim and writing the Happy Birthday message myself (I even put some sprinkles on it.) The manager at least gave me half off since I did most of the work myself.
But that? That takes a special kind of incompetent to misspell a word when it's written out right there next to where you put the tip on the cake.
Yike.
I think this post might have my favorite commentary - hilarious!
ROFL!!! I soo needed a good laugh today and this had me in the tear making giggles! Oh thank you...thank you thank you...this was perfect!
Meredith
Jen,
this is the kind of commentary that makes your blog my second stop of the morning.
It's (wv:) chesseli. Yes it is.
Every. Morning.
Love!
And this is why all bakeries should keep dictionaries close at hand...and teach their decorators how to use them!
Oh my...your commentary today has made my day. I can deal with all these people who don't know how to read an email asking me questions...I can Acheive anything today ;)
Thank you, Thank you!
Oh for for the commentators i pictured the sports commentators from 'Major League'; Bob Ueker and that other guy...
Dude! That's so sad! "dreme"? The other words are bad enough...but "dreme"? WTF man.
Your tribute to the SNL sportscasters made this post amazing. I could hear their voices narrating in my head! If only it could've been sponsored by some feminine product . . . ha ha!
sweet write-up, yo!
Actually, this is a perfect graduation cake.
"See honey, this is why you spent all those evenings doing your homework. So you wouldn't spend the rest of your life piping icing in the back room of a chain store for minimum wage."
I think you may mean "Hale Marry" right?
(wv: popoopup. I got nothing.)
A suprime acheivement on your part, Jen! Best post ever. (From the movie "Best of Show" I had Fred Ward's voice in my head for the part of commentator Greg - too damn funny!)
-Summer
I am very upset with you for making fun of my dear friend, Imagene's, graduation cake. Her full name is Acheive Imagene (like the comediene Imogene Coca, only spelled differently) Dreme, but we just call her Imagene.
And now you've spoiled her magic day by making fun of her cake.
Humpfh!
I would buy this for an English Major or Teacher's graduation. Just because!!!
Too bad they don;t have a spell checker for cakes
*stares in disbelief*
The Wreckerator misspelled "achieve" even though the correct spelling was right there, ready to be followed?
*bangs head on desk*
Too funny!
I think that's "Hale Merry."
Hmmm. Was this cake meant to be sarcastic or ironic? If so, well done! And if not....all I can say is Oy.
Nah, you spelled Mary right. How about "Hale Mairy"? :)
Great writeup...the shot in the dark bit almost made me spit water on my keyboard. :)
I've never wanted to cringe so my in my lyff :oP That's a shame - and on a graduation caek too. I guess education isn't a recommended skill in decarateing sed caekz :oP
"Dreme"- Whoa. Is that because of all those "creme filling" signs in the bakery?
On the second one I wanted to hope that the recipient's name was Imagene.
Well, then misspelling a word that was already on the cake? Miraculous.
Almost made me proud that someone was so committed to messing up. That takes determination.
(BTW - Loved the "shot in the dark" line.)
To be fair, the "Achieve" flotsam might not have been there when the Wreckorator wrote the word. And then he stuck the flotsam on without looking closely.
As for "DREME," I can only assume ESL.
LMAO, the commentary reminds me of the sports announcer segment of SNL XD. Now all you need is an embarrassing feminine product as sponser to make crude puns about.
You have managed to combine my two favorite things into one post: the SNL women's sports announcers and cakes gone terribly wrong! You're my hear oh :D
"Oh, look, someone in China spelled 'acheive' wrong on this plastic pick. Not to worry, I'll just pipe the correct spelling of 'acheive' in bigger letters on the cake."
But the crowning touch is that all this is on a cake with a little rolled-up diploma on it-- either a graduation cake, or a cake meant to encourage young students in their studies. Perfection.
Hands down the best commentary yet! Hilarious!!!!!
So funny! Best ever!
WV: Buseat- I'm glad they keep buseat the bakeriers messing up cakes so you have plenty of material.
This was your best post EVAHHHH! Such talent - I mean yours. And creativity, also yours. This is the kind of funny people (mostly me) dreme of being. Glad to be witness to your skillz! Lately, this blog has sometimes been the only smile I get all day. I appreciate it more than you can know!
wv ~ gagmfrou - if these cakes' taste is equal to their decoration, the only way to eat them would be to gagmfrou.
Oh, well done today, Jen! I could hear those two actors who played the commentators in that dodge ball movie as I read it. EXCELLENT!!!
This is why I start my mornings with you guys!! This has now been added to my list of favorites. As I read, I was hearing Fred Ward from "Best in Show".
I have tears running out of my eyes laughing so hard -- thanks for the wreck!
I wonder if this was how the family requested it on the cake. "She's the first in the family to graduate high school, so we wanted to do something real special for her!"
OMG Jen! for someone who's not a sports fan, your commentary is brilliant! Very funny dialogue today. Love the interpretation of a triple-mispelled cake. And "Acheive" was RIGHT NEXT to the flotsam Achieve pick! Score!
This cake is unbelievable - especially the misspelling of the word "Achieve" with the plastic thingie right there!! And your play on the SNL sportscasters was amazing. Tell us - what feminine hygiene product was today's post sponsored by? :-)
A "Hale Marry" indeed!
I first thought that rolled up diploma was a cigarette and wondered why someone would "dreme" of smoking. But it kind of makes sense, after seeing every word misspelled on that cake, you would need a cigarette to recover!
Funniest Post Ever! Well, almost. I think the "big pink finger" still takes the award home. But still. Oh my.
Star-studded plastic flotsam - $.99
Icing bag and icing - $1.99
Mad wreckerator skillz - PRICELESS!
wv: askmous. "How do you spell 'imagine'?" "Dunno, let's askmous."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?! How do these people get jobs decorating cakes? It boggles the mind! I'm thinking maybe they should implement a spelling test for all new hires, because this is just sad.
wow. I'm without words.
The commentary was superb, I loved it. But I really don't think this was a wreck. It looks like there is a diploma on top of the cake, so it is likely a graduation cake. I suspect the misspellings were deliberate. Like the cake I saw once that said, "Hukt on fonix wurkt for me!"
My jaw literally dropped a little more with each picture.
Wow.
I loved Newb's comment almost as much as the original post - "Trifecta of Terrible" would be an awesome name for a three-member rock band.
WV: conshe - conshe misspell even more words on the next cake?
Congradulatoins. This post has me laughing so hard I'm almost crying!